


Distractions & Revelations

by Veritas33



Category: Batwoman (TV 2019), Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom
Genre: Action, Alura Zor-Erl, Angst, Argo, Batwoman - Freeform, Bisexual Kara Danvers, Clark Kent - Freeform, Comfort, Crossover, Death, F/F, Feelings, First Time Together, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Gay Awakening, Gentle Kissing, Gotham, Gotham City - Freeform, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Hope, Hot, Humor, Hurt, Hurt Kara Danvers, Jealous Lena Luthor, Jealousy, Kal-El - Freeform, Kara has a brain, Legion Ring, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lesbian Lena Luthor, Lessons learned, Lois lane - Freeform, Love, Mom/Daughter bonding, Pain, Praise Kink, Rough Sex, Science, Sisters, Smut, SuperBat, SuperCorp, Supergirl dies, Sweet, Time Travel, alex danvers - Freeform, angry lena, arrowverse, bisexual awakening, friends - Freeform, happiness, hookup, kara danvers death, kara x lena - Freeform, kara zor-el - Freeform, karlena, kiss, sex without powers, shower, supergirl - Freeform, supergirl death, there's a lot to unpack here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-08-11 21:15:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 50,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20160205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veritas33/pseuds/Veritas33
Summary: After the reveal and confrontation, Kara's struggling with the lack of Lena in her life. She finds a moment of distraction with Kate Kane, leading to a fairly significant revelation. But when a threat to the city and Lena's life brings them all crashing together - who will be left standing? And what will happen after Supergirl makes the ultimate sacrifice?Don't worry, Supercorp reigns supreme. This is an angsty slow burn at first with a climactic moment that'll tear your heart out. But ultimately, it's a happy endgame, filled with fluff, smut, humor and oh so many feels along the way.Enjoy. Comment. Share.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s a little after midnight and Supergirl floats high above National City, peering down at Lena’s building. She wants more than anything to land on the balcony of her penthouse apartment and be welcomed with a smile the way Supergirl always had been. Or to knock on her door and be greeted with a hug and handed a glass of wine as Kara always had been. 

But those days are over. Seeing Lena’s face in person was no longer a possibility. She was avoiding Kara like a literal plague. And even now, from a safe distance in the sky, Kara can’t see Lena’s face or form through the walls of the building - Lena had made sure of that.

It's been six weeks since the confrontation. Since the truth of Lena knowing came out. Since she had said things to Kara that she could never take back. Since Kara’s eyes had watered and lip had quivered and it had taken everything she had in her not to break in half and fall to her knees to beg tearful forgiveness.

She would have, that’s the ironic thing. Kara Danvers, or Zor-El, or whomever the hell she was to herself now that she was lost and hurting so deeply, would have released any and all ego and done that - for her. The only thing that had stopped her from collapsing into a blubbering mess of apology in front Lena… was knowing it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference.

Lena Luthor had looked at her with such anger and disgust that it was abundantly clear this was one betrayal which would never be forgiven.

Of course, Kara doesn’t want to ever truly give up on Lena. She would try again, some day. She had tried already, two weeks after, then again after week three - both attempts to break through being futile. Alex had tried as well. J’onn too. Even James. But Lena wanted nothing to do with any of them. Yet still, somehow, as always - Kara had hope, however small. It may have been unlikely, but holding onto that tiny shred of hope was the only thing that got her up in the morning.

Kara closes her eyes, feeling the cool breeze against her skin. It takes her back to the last time she felt the only other thing that gave her similar chills - Lena’s touch. In that moment where she’d let Lena walk away, their shoulders had barely, briefly brushed in passing, and now as she hovers high in the sky, it breaks her heart knowing that was the last time she might ever feel Lena again. There would be no more hugs. No more squeezes of hands in times of comfort nor playfulness. There would be no light kisses to the cheek upon saying hello or goodbye. No more heads on shoulders. No more casual touches of arms or knees or any other contact of any kind.

And in this moment, she’s never felt more alone. So Kara allows herself to do what she has sworn she wouldn’t. She’d betrayed Lena enough, and the lead in her walls meant she wanted privacy - yet Kara can’t help herself. She hones in past the traffic - to find the sound of Lena’s heartbeat. It’s slower than normal. Much slower. Then she hears a clink. A pour. A swallow. Lena is drinking. Alone. Kara knows she’s been doing that a lot lately, because she’s been letting herself listen in a lot lately. And just like everything else related to Lena lately - she hates herself for it. 

Kara silently curses herself - and fires off like a bullet, further into the sky. 

She flies hard and fast, higher and beyond until she nearly reaches the outer layer of the atmosphere, pushing past the pressure and the heat - as if it will cleanse her of her sins. It would be so easy to fly just a little bit higher and never have to feel the guilt and pain again... but people needed her. As much as she was hurting and as alone and shattered as she felt, the one thing that she could offer anybody was being the hero she’d worked so hard to become.

It’s this exact purpose that causes her to practically screech to a halt a thousand miles away from Lena, when she hears the chaotic ruckus of destruction and terror below.

She squints to realize - it’s coming from Gotham City. She knows this is Batwoman’s territory, and she can more than handle herself. And far be it from her to interrupt or steal anyone's thunder.

But when the screams for help continue, Supergirl can’t help herself - she zooms straight down to confront it.

Everything happens rather quickly. The arrival to back up Batwoman, who’s mid-battle with a particularly nasty meta-human hell bent on causing suffering. The saving of lives as they huddle in fear. The ending of a near city-wide melee, courtesy of the villain’s sadistic goons.

When the thugs are hauled off, Batwoman looks to Supergirl.

“Thanks for the assist.” she says, catching her breath while somehow still maintaining her effortless cool.

“Was flying by.”

Batwoman gives her a brief once over, noticing the new suit.

"Diggin' the pants."

Before Supergirl can respond again or Batwoman can ask further questions about why she's there, the criminal in question is dragged away, yelling and screaming.

“Super_bitch_!” he spits in Kara's direction.

Supergirl reacts instantly, ripping him from the grasp of two officers and sending him flying and SLAMMING into a nearby crate which shatters from impact.

“Supergirl!” Batwoman yells after her, curious and concerned.

Supergirl ignores her. Stomps after the asshole. FLINGS a forklift out of her way like it’s a pebble - it FLIES ACROSS THE HARBOR and SPLASHES into the water a mile away.

And then her hand squeezes his throat as he gurgles, barely conscious - 

“Stand down, Supergirl! Stand down NOW!” the police yell, guns raised.

A gloved hand grips her arm.

“Supergirl, it’s over.” Batwoman warns.

Her voice finally registers in Kara's ears. Supergirl snaps out of her rage. Lets him go, his body slumping.

“Sorry… I’m sorry.” She looks back at the cops.“I should go.” she says with guilt. Before she can blast off -

“Meet me. My place.” Batwoman says low, where only Supergirl can hear. “Please.” she finishes with a surprising gentility.

After a moment - Supergirl nods. And off she flies, Batwoman staring up after her.

\-----

When Kate struts in to the study in her normal clothes, she’s surprised to find Kara still dressed as Supergirl, standing at the window, staring out over Gotham.

“Didn’t think we we’d be role playing tonight.”

Kara barely responds to the jest, only partially looking back before glancing down.

“It was all I had. I - left in a hurry.”

Kate nods.

“I have some old clothes that might fit you. A friend left them, awhile back. She’s about your size.”

Kara finally turns and half smiles, “A friend, huh?”

Kate smirks. “I’ll just be a second.”

When she returns a minute later with a loose fitting tee and jeans, Kara takes them with a nod of gratitude.

Kate rubs the back of her neck, “'l'll just uh - step out.” 

But when a blur blasts pasts her and then back again and Kara is suddenly dressed down, super suit folded nicely and laid on the arm of the nearest chair -

“Or, not. Wow. That - must come in crazy handy.”

Kara barely reacts, taking a tired seat on the couch.

Kate pours two glasses of whiskey. Sets one in front of Kara on the coffee table, noticing her deep stare into the flames of the fireplace, lost in its blaze. Sympathetically, as Kate takes a seat - 

“Look like you could use this.”

Kara scoffs. Lifts it. Downs it in one gulp.

“Damn, slow down, Supergirl.”

Kara fiddles with the glass, “Doesn’t do anything for me. Not the kind for humans, anyway.” 

Kate makes mental note of this interesting fact as she sips.

“Sometimes I wish it did.” Kara finishes low, setting the glass back down.

Kate studies her. Taps a thumb at the rim of her own drink.

“I know we don’t know each other very well, but I think I know enough to say you seem off tonight. I mean the first time I met you, you bounced in here with this… light. Almost _annoyingly_ bright. But what I see here, now. What I saw back there, with the guy and the -

She makes a motion with the flick of her wrist.

Kara shifts with a wince at the memory.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I hope they weren’t too angry.”

“GCPD? They’re _always_ angry.” Kate dismisses, finishes her drink.

Kara resumes staring at the fire. Kate hasn't taken eyes off her, concerned.

“What’s going on Kara?”

Kara takes a breath. Wants to talk. Has no idea where to start.

“I hurt someone. Someone who means… the_ world_ to me. Next to my sister, she's the most important person in my life.”

“She?” Kate’s eyebrow raises.

Kara realizes - gently raises her hand in protest.

“Oh, no - it’s not, it’s not like that.”

“You’re wrecked and angry and drinking whiskey. Doesn’t seem like the reaction to a fight between friends.”

“_Best_ friends. And I lied to her. I’ve been lying to her. She - didn’t know who I really was.”

Kate realizes. Looks down, understanding.

“She found out.” Kate says for her.

“In the _worst_ possible way.” Kara says, tears in her eyes, but none falling. She then grits, hating herself once again.

“I wanted to tell her. For _so_ long. But -

“But it was never the right time.” Kate states for her again, leaning forward to put her own glass onto the table next to Kara’s as she finishes, “And then you realized the longer you waited, the more you’d hurt her.”

“Yeah. _Exactly_.” Kara’s relieved someone gets it. Because Kate's obviously been there herself. “But it was selfish.” Kara sighs in frustration as she pushes up and walks to the fire.

The fireplace is so large, the blaze comes to chest level. Kara's gaze goes dim and her mind drifts.

Kate's lips part in startle when Kara reaches a hand into it. She rushes over - slows when she realizes her skin isn’t burning.

“Sometimes I wish I could feel it. Something to distract from -“

“The pain inside.” Kate answers for her, one last time.

Kara pulls her hand out of the fire and looks over at Kate, who offers her tattoo-covered arm in display.

“Why do you think I like the needle.”

Silence.

Kate then tucks her hands into her pockets, briefly. She studies Kara. Poor, sad Kara who’s heart is obviously broken. Who can’t even speak or cry. She can see how empty she feels, and it’s hard to witness. She turns to face her, full on and resolute, as Kara remains staring at the flames.

“Pain - 

She reaches over, cupping Kara's face in one hand, forcing her to turn to look at her under a curious, furrowed brow.

\- isn’t the only sensation that distracts.”

And with that, Kate leans in and kisses her. It’s brief and light and barely registers to a startled Kara. She's surprisingly unflustered, the action only earning a slight reaction of surprise. 

“Kate, I’m sorry, I’m not -

But Kara stops herself, looking at the flames once again. And she thinks about how empty and alone she feels. And then she turns and looks at Kate full on, standing there with her dark hair and piercing eyes and full lips and dangerously sharp features - and there’s a familiarity there.

And then she’s kissing her, before she even knows it. She’s pulling Kate in quick, hands on her cheeks, thumbs brushing cheekbones as she pours everything she’s feeling into Kate, the kind, strong vessel who’s willing to let her.

After a moment, Kate has to part for air. And heat rises between them, bodies close and faces flushed and then Kate’s hands come to Kara’s hair and she intends to be the aggressor, leaning in again -

But Kara is faster, spinning them together and landing Kate’s back against the wall by the hearth and leaning in, breathing desperately, her hands holding Kate's arm and body almost too tightly against her own, pinning her against the wood -

“Girl of steel, indeed.” Kate breathlessly gets out before - “Bedroom.” she orders.

And in a flash Kara’s got them in the doorway of Kate’s room. Kate looks around. _Whoa_. 

Kate smiles at Kara, as they take turns rotating, backing each other up, fighting for dominance as they tug at each other’s shirts and waists.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to that.” she says of Kara's previous superspeed, before - SLAM - Kate kicks the door shut behind them.

Once they’re inside, tops are stripped with ease. Kate can't help but raise eyebrows at Kara's perfect, toned body. But it doesn't last long - as Kara practically tosses her onto her bed. Her nice, big, inviting bed.

She can’t help but smile again, this time at Kara’s animalistic tendency. Not at all what she expected from the seemingly straight, buttoned up, chipper Kara Danvers. And Kara only surprises her further, as more kisses and hands roam and they fumble together at the edge of the bed, with Kate pulling Kara closer between her legs - as Kara’s hand reaches up and BENDS the bedpost while she buries her head in Kate’s neck with a grunt.

Kate’s eyes go wide, and wild, at the sight of twisted metal under strong fingers. She rolls her hips with a near growl to let Kara know how turned on she is by the display, and Kara literally RIPS Kate’s belt in half in response, but then her breath catches -

And Kara stops.

“What? What’s wrong?” Kate asks, anxious to get back to business but also wanting to respect Kara's sudden hesitation.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Kara replies, low. Deeper than she’s ever heard her voice.

Kate smirks. “I’ll tell you if you do.” she says quick then leans up to kiss her again, but again Kara pulls back.

“It’ll be too late by then.” 

Silent, still heated tension passes between them.

“Okay.” Kate pushes Kara back, then down onto the bed. Kara lets her.

“Then you just lay back and let me drive. I’m no good as a bottom anyway.” Kate says seductively as she climbs atop the blonde and starts to pull Kara’s jeans down.

Kate’s lips trail from Kara’s hard stomach, further and further down - until Kara gasps and grunts, hands desperately gripping sheets as her body begins to writhe under Kate’s skillful ministrations.

\-----

The sun casts an illuminating light on Kara’s curved form, barely hidden under silk.

Kate sits propped up on her arm, studying her.

Kara finally stirs, rolling over to her back. She slowly wakes, sleepily running a hand through her hair. 

“You have, quite possibly, the most perfect body I’ve ever seen.”

Kara turns her head in near startle.

“And I’ve seen my fair share.”

“I bet you have.” Kara shoots back, a humorous jab.

Kara then takes a breath, head shaking at the events of the last several hours. “I’ve… never been with a woman before.”

“I’ve never been with an alien before.” Kate jokes back with a shrug. “You coulda fooled me though. I mean that thing, you did, with the freeze breath and the -

Her hand lifts, fingers moving in the air a bit.

“- Superspeed. You’ve practiced that on yourself haven’t you?”

Kara can’t help but laugh and bring a somewhat embarrassed hand to her forehead, “Oh, Rao.”

“You’ve ruined me on humans forever, Kryptonian. Which is _really_ unfortunate, since I’m in love with one.”

This takes Kara by surprise. Her mood drops as she’s instantly hit with shock and guilt. 

“Oh, Kate I’m sorry, I didn’t -

“We’re not together. Don’t worry. You didn’t do anything wrong. And I initiated it, remember.” 

“Still. I don’t want to make anything weird. For you. Or for -

She stops short of saying ‘us’, gesturing instead.

Kate sits up more, sheet unabashedly dropping from her chest.

“Listen, it’s not weird at all. Not for me anyway. We’re just friends who needed -

“A distraction.” Kara finishes for _her_, this time.

Kate smiles. “_Exactly_.”

There's a long moment of silence as Kara sits up awkwardly, still clutching the sheets to her own chest as she again runs a hand through her hair, tucking some behind her ear, unsure how to proceed from here. 

Kate’s eyes trace down her legs.

“I mean I could still use two, three or - ten more distractions.”

“Ten? That’s ambitious.” Kara chuckles.“But um, I should - go, actually. I have to get back. To my life. To... everything.”

Her moment of levity has faded as reality washes over. Kate senses the weight.

“Hey. It’s okay.” she says, leaning in closer, giving Kara a sweet, comforting kiss on the cheek.“Don’t overthink it.”

“This? No, I’m good here. It’s… _there_ that’s... complicated.” Kara clarifies, mind elsewhere.

“You mean it’s her. Your… _friend_.” 

Kara wants to roll her eyes or shove Kate for the dig, but - instead something registers and her face drops. A blurred line. What a friendship can mean. What it _does_ mean. How she feels. How she _longs_ for Lena. What it _all_ really means.

And thus, the pain returns, deeper than ever.

Kate notices. She sighs.

“You got it bad, Supergirl. Maybe worse than I do.”

Kara knows it’s true. For the first time, she admits it to herself - she does have it bad. Soul crushingly, heart breakingly bad. She shuts her eyes for a moment, takes a breath, and resolves inside to not give up on Lena. She _can’t_ give up on her. Now, or ever.

She finally looks over at Kate again. Leans in and kisses _her_ on the cheek now.

“Thank you.” she says so quietly, as if a secret just between them.

Kate offers a smile. It’s reciprocated, and before she can even blink - Kara’s gone, the sheets billowing up into the air, and a red-caped blur disappearing out the window.

Kate shakes her head.

“Yeah, I’ll never get used to that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara returns from her time with Kate and has a difficult conversation with Alex, but not the one you might expect. Incoming angst warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After your awesome feedback, I decided to keep this one going and let it be a slow burn, because I have an endgame in mind. This chapter is a short one. Hoping to post more soon. Enjoy, and as always - feedback highly welcome!

Kara floats down through the window of her loft. The moment her boots touch the ground -

“_Kara_. Thank God.” Alex leaps up from the couch and lunges at her with a hug.

It’s immediately followed by a harsh shove -

“Where the hell have you been?”

The shove doesn’t move Kara. It only causes Alex to wince and shake her wrist.

“And why would you turn off your tracker?”

Kara diverts eye contact, as if Alex could simply look at her and tell where she’s been - and what she’s done, or _who_ she's done.

“Uh, I just needed a minute to myself.”

She steps towards the bedroom and in a literal flash, returns with normal clothing.

“A minute? You’ve been off grid for -” Alex checks her watch before finishing, “Fourteen hours. What if something happened and we couldn’t reach you?”

“_Did_ anything happen?”

“No, but that’s not-”

“It is the point, Alex. Sometimes I need a minute to myself, where I’m not fighting some monster - inside or out.” she finishes low.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Kara.”

She steps closer, trying to get a read on her sister. She usually can.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

Kara takes a breath, meets Alex’s curious stare with bravery. She hopes she can’t tell anything is different, because it’s not a conversation she has the energy to have right now. She’s almost relieved when Alex sinks. Almost. 

“Kara, I know it’s been tough lately, with Lena. But - you have to move on.”

Kara frowns as she stares down at the kitchen island, hands pressed to the wood as she leans forward for support.

“Move on?” Kara shakes her head, searching, “Alex she’s my best friend, she’s -”

“She’s _angry_, Kara. She feels betrayed. And it doesn’t seem that’s ever going to change. We’ve all tried with her. _You’ve_ tried. Again and again. As much as it pains me to say, Lena may never get past this. She may never be in our lives again, at least not in the way she once was.”

“And you’re just okay with that?” Kara says, pushing off the island.

“No, Kara. She was my friend, too. But - if she can’t move beyond this. If she can’t forgive you, forgive us. Maybe she’s not the person we thought she was.”

“She’s _Lena_.”

“She’s a Luthor.”

Kara can’t believe she’d go there.

“Luthors hold grudges, Kara. They have demons, and Lena’s _always_ struggled with hers.”

“We _all_ have demons, Alex. We _all_ struggle.”

Alex frowns at this. Kara shifts. Alex changes the subject.

“I just don’t want you to keep doing this to yourself.”

“Doing what?”

“Punishing yourself. By continuing to try to get through to her. Because every time you do, it breaks you. She breaks you. Just a little bit more. And I can’t lose any more of my sister.”

“That’s not - that’s not true.”

“Yeah? Then where'd you go last night?”

Kara won’t answer this and Alex knows it. She softens, trying, “I don’t know what it is about Lena, Kara. But when it comes to her, you-”

Kara hardens, glaring. Challenging, arms crossed.

“I what? I what, Alex.”

“I don’t know, I can’t - I can’t figure it out. I’ve tried. The times when you’ve risked your identity to save her. Risked your life. When Sam was Reign and she had Lena by the throat, you were willing to trade places with her. To _die_ if it meant keeping Lena safe. The ease with which you were willing to throw your life away… _Our_ life. The world that needs you. For her. It _scared_ me Kara. And it scares me now that you won’t let this go. That _you_ can’t move past it -”

Kara’s had enough, she boils over.

“Because I can’t give up on her, Alex! I won’t. And I don’t have to explain that to you.”

“I’m not asking you to _answer_ to me. I’m just trying to understand.”

“No, you’re trying to get me to let her go.”

Alex grows firm again.

“Because you’ll survive without her, Kara. You’ve faced worse. You lost your planet. Your family. Mon-El. You’ve faced so much loss - and you’ve survived. You’ve thrived, even. And you’ve never let it get in the way of your duties as Supergirl. Ever. Why is this any different?”

Kara wants to scream _‘because it is’_ in Alex’s face. Instead, she just grits. Looks down.

“I have to get to work.” She snatches her glasses off the table. “Lock the door behind you.”

“Kara -” Alex tries, but it’s no use. Her sister’s already out the door.

Once she’s in the elevator, Kara’s hands grip the rail along the wall, tightly, under furrowed brow, and her mind drifts to the last conversation she had with Lena. When the DEO had needed a consultation on a piece of technology she’d developed for them and they’d run into each other as Lena was on her way out. Previously, Lena had just blatantly ignored Kara, refusing to speak to her. She’d soon come to realize that was better.

_“Supergirl.” Lena had practically hissed, ice cold._

_“Lena. Please.”_

_She stepped in front of her to block her from leaving._

_“We’re friends.” Kara tried._

_“We’re not friends. We’re not anything. I was friends with Kara Danvers. Kara Danvers is a lie.”_

_“I was Kara Danvers long before I was Supergirl.”_

_“And who were you before you were Kara Danvers?”_

_She had her there. But Kara isn’t about to lie to her ever again -_

_“Kara Zor-El.”_

_What Kara didn’t know is that Lena couldn’t help but find the name beautiful. A fact that disgusted herself, so she shook it off with a twisted smile. “Zor-El.”_

_“So many identities. I’d say it must be exhausting to keep them all straight, but if anyone can find the strength to maintain a lifetime of lies, I suppose it’s you.”_

_And with that deep cut, Lena brushed past her. Yet again. Just like the first confrontation. But this time their shoulders didn’t touch skin to skin. This time, Kara’s super suit acted as a barrier between them, an irony not lost on her, as she’d watched Lena walk away. _

At the memory, the metal rail twists under Kara’s grip.

And when the elevator dings and opens - she’s out in a flash.

And when Alex finally leaves Kara’s apartment and boards the now empty elevator and sees the imprints of Kara’s hands in the bent rail, she worries more than ever.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're going inside Lena's head this time.

Supergirl had always scared Lena Luthor. But not for the reasons one might think. It had nothing to do with Lex or the rest of her family. Nothing to do with names or histories.

Supergirl scared Lena because Lena had been so frustratingly infatuated with her. From the first time she landed on her balcony to the first of many times she’d saved her life. And by the time she’d caught her, carried her, flown with her in her arms - it was inescapable. Supergirl was the walking embodiment of everything Lena Luthor had wished she could be. She represented the power and strength Lena had always longed to display herself. She was the hero Lena knew she’d never be, no matter how hard she’d try. And she did it while being so frustratingly breathtaking, as if chiseled from precious space rock. 

It’s no secret Lena had an obsession with strong women. From her youthful idolization of Mercy Graves to how quickly she’d latched onto Rhea as a mentor, there was something about empowered women that intrigued her, to say the least. From a young age she convinced herself she wanted to be them, but somewhere along the line she began to wonder if the truth was more that she wanted to be _with_ them.

And that terrified her. It’s why the first time Supergirl demonstrated a flaw she latched onto it. She fed into it and threw it in her face with a coldness and cruelty. Did they a have legitimate conflict involving a lack of trust over Lena’s access to kryptonite? Absolutely. But did Lena twist the knife harder than she needed to as a way to drive the hero away? More than she’d like to admit. It was an easy way out. A safe guard against her growing obsession. She’d been struggling with that fact for awhile, a fact only made more difficult as they’d grown closer the last several months and the sharp edges she’d put up to protect herself from further infatuation began to soften, and under the cape and the crest she began to see someone who was far more human than she’d ever before believed. Which only made her all the more tangible. All the more touchable. All the more _possible_.

And then, there was Kara Danvers. Wonderful, beautiful, kind Kara Danvers. Much like Supergirl, Kara represented something Lena longed to embody as well. She was warm and hopeful and the single greatest source of both comfort and inspiration in Lena’s life. There was a purity to Kara. She was walking sunlight, and she was the first and only person to fully and completely have faith in her, even when she would’ve had every reason not to.

Where Lena found herself drawn to Supergirl in an inexplicably intoxicating way, she found herself _attached_ to Kara in a way bordering on co-dependence. The more Kara believed in her, the more she believed in herself. The more Kara touched and held her, the more Lena longed to be touched and held, despite never having before been a tactile person. The more Kara smiled at her, the more Lena found herself smiling. She’d never let anyone in, nor in_fluence_ her, the way she’d let Kara Danvers. 

Which is why, now, sitting in her lab staring blankly at a computer screen awaiting the next keystrokes - she feels empty.

Because she’d lost them both, in one fell swoop. But, she thinks now, she lost them in a way far worse than death. She lost them in betrayal.

As a child, Lena used to do math for fun. As an adult, she solves complex equations in her sleep. Yet trying to come to terms with them being the same person had been an impossible conundrum. On the surface - the math made perfect sense and she felt like a fool for never seeing it. But on a deeper level, it still didn’t add up.

It didn’t add up how Kara - soft, gentle, loveably awkward Kara, the most humble human being she’d ever known could also be Supergirl, a hard and brutal alien warrior who was confident the point of damn near intimidation.

How could she possibly be the same person? That’s the question Lena had been asking herself after learning the truth, until the night when she awoke from a cold sweat, bolting up from the recurring dream she’d had for over two years of flying in Kara’s arms after being poisoned, which always ended the same way - with Lex appearing from nowhere in his green suit and shooting Kara in the back with a kryptonite blast, causing her to drop Lena. She’d fall and fall, and despite the pain, Kara would fly down and reach for her, desperately trying to catch up, to reach her, to save her - and just before their fingers could touch - just before the ground would strike - she’d awaken with a gasp.

Lena had lied to James about this dream many times while they were together. Made up an excuse or said she didn’t remember when he'd ask what was wrong. But she remembered the dream. She always remembered. And after finding out the truth, she realized it was all real. At least, the part up until Lex. She _had_ flown in Kara’s arms that day. She _had_ been saved by her best friend. Her hero _was_ Kara Danvers, just as she’d once told her.

And that’s when she’d realized exactly how Kara Danvers and Supergirl were the same person. Their heroism. Their fight for justice. Their endless strive for good. And their willingness to protect Lena at all costs. And for that - she hated her even more. Because she’d done the one thing to Lena that Lena had fought against her whole life: she’d made Lena the bad guy. Lena was now the person angry at the world's greatest hero, a hero who’d saved her life so many, many times. Hero Kara Danvers. Hero Surpergirl. No normal person could possibly be angry at either of them, let alone both of them. But Lena wasn’t a normal person. She was a Luthor. And now, thanks to Kara… thanks to Supergirl… thanks to whomever the hell she really was, for the first time in her life she felt fully and completely - like a Luthor. Isolated. Angry. _Empty_.

_She_ did that to her. She made Lena feel… everything, and then she took it all away from her. And afterwards she had the audacity to make her feel bad for being angry. She had the gaul to beg forgiveness, which by extension made Lena the villain for refusing it.

So here she sits. Alone in a lab. Not a friend or ally in the world. Only employees. Only her work. Only that which can’t betray her - math. Science. Technology. Because she knows _their_ intentions and she controls them fully. Her heart had proven useless. But her mind, well, that had never let her down.

It’s also what made her valuable to the world. Which is why she’s unsurprised when the DEO calls again as she sits in her daze.

She hesitates answering. The last time they’d needed her help, she’d almost been able to get in and out without seeing her. Almost. And it didn’t end well. Things were said she could never take back. Things she didn’t _want_ to take back.

It stops ringing. And then it rings again. And she has no choice but to answer.

“Yes.” comes out like ice. 

A beat of silence as she listens to the ask.

“I’m busy at the moment, is this really - “ she then closes her eyes, and sighs.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be right there, Director Danvers.”

Lena hangs up. She hadn’t called Alex by her first name since the reveal, and she never would again. She was _not_ her friend. None of them were. Not anymore, if ever. They were now, collectively, simply people she used to know. People who lied to her. People who sided with the woman who betrayed her. Because how could they not? She was, after all, the hero. And Lena? Lena was just a Luthor.

So when she steps on the elevator, her eyes stare out in a steely, unyielding Luthor gaze, and her jaw sets as the doors shut in front of her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex confronts Lena, and Kara winds up with two surprise guests at her door.

Lena was furious at Alex for inviting her under false pretenses.

She stands with arms crossed and chin up, glaring at Alex across the DEO lab. Alex stands at the door, hands on hips and blocking the exit in her best display of dominance.

“Do I look like the kind of woman who has time to spare, Director Danvers?”

“Well, I knew you wouldn’t come any other way.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

Lena glances over her shoulder, looking out through the glass.

Alex sighs. Steps closer.

“Damn it, Lena. What are you doing? Why won’t you just talk to me. To any of us.”

“I’m not doing this.” Lena steps to approach the door. Alex puts hands up to stop her.

“Lena, just stop. Give me two minutes.”

“You think you can make up for two years in two minutes? You’re more arrogant than your sister.”

“That’s fair. Although I don’t appreciate the dig on my sister.”

“I don’t care what you appreciate, Director Danvers.”

Lena glances out the windows yet again. This time Alex notices.

“She’s not here.”

“Who?” Lena tries, as if she doesn’t know or care. Alex knows better. She scoffs, and puts her hands back up again, yielding.

If Lena wants to be done, fine. She’ll be done too.

Alex starts to turn and leave the lab. Stops. Spins on her heel.

“You know she died, not long ago?”

Alex steps back into the room.

“She _actually_ _died_. Right in front of me. My - worst nightmare. In the flesh. Bruised and bloodied flesh, Lena.”

Lena barely reacts, but there’s a hint of a bristle of shock which she hides well and pushes past.

“But she came back.” Alex continues, "She survived. That’s what Kara does best. Aside from saving the world, _she survives_. She survived her planet’s destruction. She survived Reign. _Your_ brother’s little 'soviet experiment' is what killed her."

Lena can't believe this to be true, but the seriousness of Alex's face tells her otherwise as she keeps going - 

"But she came back stronger, somehow. Despite the trauma. Despite the pain. _Unimaginable_ pain. Because that’s what she does, Lena. _She's a hero_.”

Despite the slight pang of this information, Lena looks disgusted at the endless, cloying praise.

“But I’d be lying if I refused to see that each time she’s had to come back from the things she’s faced, from the things - the people - she’s lost… from the _constant_ fighting and carrying the weight of the world, _literally_ on her shoulders - I’d be lying if I didn’t see how it’s stripped away a little more of her soul each time.”

Alex steps a little closer, strain in her eyes.

“My sister is not the girl she was five years ago. She’s fought. She’s suffered. She’s _died_. And her eyes - they keep getting _just a little bit darker_.” Alex shrugs, “Yeah, she still smiles. And laughs. And eats way too many potstickers than is socially acceptable. She still sees the good in people. She still continues to be our hero. My hero. But something’s missing inside. I think - I think maybe it always has been, but I see it now more than ever. And this-”

Alex gestures between them as she finishes, “This isn’t helping. My sister is hurting, Lena. Your _best friend_ is hurting. Because you refuse to see how sorry she is.”

There’s a long pause of thick silence between them.

“_She’s_ hurting?” Lena says finally, incredulous.

“Yes.” Alex says, firm. “Just like she knows you’re hurting. She sees _your_ pain, Lena. Why won’t you see hers?”

Another long beat, as Lena almost smiles, “I thought only kryptonite caused her pain.”

Alex’s jaw sets at the coldness. She shifts, resisting bubbling anger and trying one last time to appeal to Lena.

“Her biology may be alien, but her heart, Lena? Her heart is the most human thing about her.”

Lena smirks, “That’s not saying much, then is it.”

Alex is taken aback by her unyielding attitude. Looking away is the only way she can fight off her instinct to strike back - so she never sees Lena’s face shift briefly in a twinge of something resembling guilt, then harden again as she chokes down any emotion.

But Alex can’t help herself. She finally lets loose a smile. A twisted, forced smile.

“You know, Kara doesn’t believe you’re a lost cause. But we both know she’s too idealistic.”

And with that cutting jab, Alex turns and swaggers away.

Lena swallows, looking almost hurt. _Almost_. Then she does what she does best - she hardens.

——-

Kara hears the footsteps before they arrive. Her head tilts away from researching on her laptop to hone in. She frowns, curiously as - _KNOCK KNOCK_.

It’s quick. Light.

Kara squints to X-ray. Looks totally confused. She hesitates. Glances around. Finally approaches and opens the door -

Kate’s confident smirk stares her in the face.

“I know it’s a little sudden to be giving you a ring, but-”

Kate holds up Kara’s Legion ring.

“Oh my gosh-“

“You dropped this.” Kate glances around to be sure they’re alone before finishing, “By the bed.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice!”

“Too distracted.” Kate says with a cocky wink. Kara smiles and steps back to let Kate enter. As she steps inside - 

“It's strange, I don’t remember seeing a ring. So I don't know where you had it stashed. And I'm not sure I want to.”

Kara chuckles.

“Thank you, Kate.” Kara places the ring on the table by her computer. “But you didn’t have to come all this way. You could’ve called or texted and I woulda flown by.”

“Not a problem.” Kate puts her hands behind her back and strolls Kara’s place, as if inspecting.

“I’ll admit, part of me was curious where Kara Danvers calls home. Besides-“ Kate looks right at Kara’s bed. Turns on her heels with a sly smile, “I showed you mine.”

Kara breaks into a slightly flushed grin.

“Yeah. Yeah, well I showed you mine already.”

Kate laughs now. Steps closer. Stares up the mere two inch height difference between them.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing it again.”

Kara’s lips curl to match. Then her face fades.

Kate picks up on the mood shift.

“You just can’t let yourself smile, can you?”

Kara leans back against the table.

“Smiling’s never been a problem for me in the past. I used to smile all the time. Too much, probably.”

“I’m not sure it’s possible to smile too much.” Kate suggests.

“I think your cousin might have a different take on that.” Kara jokes.

Kate chuckles, “Touché.”

Kara looks at Kate. _Really_ looks at her. It would be so easy to just give in again... She’s struggling. Kate can tell.

“You got any food around here?” Kate says suddenly, glancing back curiously at the kitchen to give Kara an out.

“I can in thirty minutes or less.” Kara offers, mood shifting to far more playful as she steps around Kate and snatches a menu off the fridge.

“Let’s do this, Danvers.” Kate says, coolly dropping her leather jacket off her shoulders. “Oh, I am vegan though.”

Kara almost snorts in humor as she pulls out her phone and starts to dial.

“I’m serious.” Kate says.

Kara’s face falls flat.

“Well-“ Kara’s arms drop to her side, “That ruins everything.”

Kate smiles.

——-

An hour later and Kara and Kate find themselves on the couch, having spent the whole meal talking friends and foes and generally doing everything they can to keep things light. To avoid talking about what’s been bringing Kara down. Kate knows she needs that this time, and Kara appreciates it.

“This - was terrible.” Kara says shaking the crust of a vegan pizza at Kate before tossing it into the empty box.

“And yet you ate every last piece.”

“I - was hungry. I require many, many calories. Of which this provided very little.” she laughs as Kate grins and sips her wine.

“Light and clean. It’s how I roll.” she says, gesturing with her glass.

“It’s funny, I would’ve pegged you as a red meat and cheesy potatoes kinda girl.”

“You haven’t _pegged_ me yet at all.” she says slyly.

Kara almost chokes the next sip of her wine.

“Ha. Ha ha. You… try hard, don’t you, Kate Kane?”

“Not usually. But like I said, _Kara Danvers_, you’ve spoiled me with those Kryptonian... talents.” Kate says, leaning in. “However-“ she says, stopping herself, “If you would like me to leave. If this doesn’t work for you. If you don’t require a - _distraction_, tonight. I’ll go.”

They remain close. Kara considers, the weight of the last couple days - hell, the last couple _months_, bearing down on her again.

_Screw it._

Kara takes Kate’s wine from her and sets both glasses on the coffee table. And then she turns and looks at Kate. And then she kisses her.

Hands immediately roam and grasp desperately as Kara presses Kate back and she lets her. Gasping for air as Kara sinks soft lips to her neck while grinding hard hips against her, “I thought it was safer if I’m on top...“ Kate questions, breathless. 

Kara responds by yanking Kate down further under her. Hovering over her. _Dominating_ her. “I’m tired of being safe. I’m _tired_…” huffs out low, meant in more ways than one. Kate gets it. She tilts up to rejoin their lips, letting Kara know it’s okay as her hands go to work at unlatching Kara’s belt and pants, while in one swift movement Kara quickly strips off her blouse and tosses it aside, leaving the top half of her super suit on display - which Kate can’t help but chuckle at until -

CLUNK. The wine glasses spill, flooding across the table and soaking the shirt.

This distracts Kara entirely, “Shhhhoot -“ she says looking at the mess and reaching for it.

“Don’t worry about it.” Kate says, anxious to get back to their previous activity.

“No - it’s - I-“ and Kara pulls back fully, sitting up to grab the shirt and remove it from the wine puddle.

“She picked out this shirt. She forced me to go on this ridiculous shopping spree over Christmas -”

And then Kara stops. She just sits there, holding her wine-soaked blouse in hand, sadness washing over her.

Kate instantly knows this isn’t going anywhere further tonight. She sits up behind Kara. Waits for her to speak. After what feels like forever -

“Let me just… soak this…” Kara finally says, pushing up and heading to the bathroom.

Furious at herself for so many reasons, Kara desperately scrubs the shirt against itself in her bathroom sink.

In the living room, Kate soaks up the last of the wine spillage using a towel from the kitchen.

Suddenly -

A quick, hard knock at the door. Almost a pounding.

She figures Kara is too distracted or she would’ve responded by now, so she decides to get it for her.

And that’s when Kate Kane opens the door -

To a glaring Lena Luthor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkwardness, confessions and jealousy - oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Been busy IRL. But it was important to get this next chapter out for you guys. It's a key one. ;)

Lena frowns, caught off guard by the striking, edgy woman in front of her. Kate can’t help but eye Lena up and down briefly in return, curious who this beautiful albeit clearly tightly wound woman is at Kara’s door.

“Can I help you?” Kate asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Who are you?” Lena spits out coldly with her own mistrusting brow raise before she can stop herself.

“Kate Kane.” is the flat reply.

Lena’s head tilts slightly in recognition, but she’s still on edge.

“Bruce Wayne’s cousin. I’ve heard of you. I’m Lena Luthor.”

“Lex Luthor’s sister. I’ve heard of _you_.”

There’s something of a challenge between them, until -

“I’m here for Kara.” Lena practically barks, stomping right past Kate, who can’t believe this woman just barged past her.

Until Lena stops - when Kara rounds the room divide.

Lena’s eyes go wide at the sight of Kara’s normal pants dangling open at the zipper and the top half of her super suit on display. Her throat catches and she doesn’t know which is worse - that Kara’s half undressed, or openly exposed as Supergirl. With this woman. Both feels like salt on a fresh wound of betrayal, and worse than ever. And she hates herself for the slight blush that rushes to her cheeks, and for how long her eyes linger on Kara in this half state of undress even though no skin is showing, before her gaze hardens. And her breath catches in her throat. And she can’t figure out why, and she doesn’t like it.

She doesn’t like anything about this.

“Lena…” Kara says in equal breathless shock, realizing how it must look. All of it.

Lena somehow finds the strength to look away from Kara, towards Kate - then back again.

She can’t believe it. Whatever it is, she can’t believe it. A million questions run through her mind, but she’s too angry to process any of them. She’s furious. More furious than she already was and even she can’t quite find the root of why it hurts so much or makes her this angry, but then _that_ just pisses her off more.

Kate looks from Lena to Kara. That’s when it hits her who she is to her, as Kara quickly pulls a new shirt on over the blue.

“I… should go.” Kate says, grabbing for her jacket.

“That won’t be necessary.” Lena finally manages, refusing to look at Kate. She instead sends a death glare Kara’s way.

“I came here to tell you to call off the dogs. All the pathetic attempts to reach me. Just stop.”

“Lena - I, I don’t know what you’re talking about -”

“Your sister called me to the DEO under false pretenses. And something you should already know about Luthors, we don’t take well to being ambushed.”

That’s when Kara realizes, and silently curses her sister.

“Lena I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. She shouldn’t have done that-“ Kara steps forward, pleading in her eyes.

But Lena doesn’t care to hear another word or look at her further. She turns on her insanely high heel and brushes past Kate, too closely to be accidental. Kate tilts slightly to let her by even though she already is with a low “Pardon me.”

As she struts for the door, Lena looks like she’s going to be ill again at the thoughts that keep trying to invade her mind. Thoughts about Kara and Kate Kane. Kara and _any_ woman. A woman who knows who she really is, no less. A woman. _A woman_… it repeats in Lena’s head, shocking and confusing and enraging her. Sickened, she grabs for the door, harshly yanks it open.

Despite herself, she can’t help but stop and turn back briefly, looking from Kate to Kara -

She practically laughs in irony at the two of them and whatever the hell she’d walked in on. Wants to say something else cutting, but instead -

SLAM. The door shuts behind her before Kara can form the words to try to stop her.

“Well, she seems lovely.”

Lena never hears Kate’s subtle dig. She’s down the hall as quickly as her heels can clickity-clack. She slaps the elevator button. It opens immediately and she’s grateful. She steps inside. She notices something now that she didn’t notice before - the bent railing. She knows it must be Kara, and she frowns, because it bothers her. Concerns her, even. Until she won’t let it. She reaches for the button.

Back in the apartment -

“She’s… not usually like this.”

“I would hope not, since you’re so into her. And she’s _clearly_ into you.”

Kara frowns, “What? No, that’s - she’s not - what are you-”

“She showed up _in person_, Kara. She could’ve just called or sent a text. Instead she came to _see_ you... _to tell you to stay away_.”

Realization washes over Kara and she almost can’t believe it. Under a deep brow, her eyes search for what to do next.

“‘Scuse me.” she says hurriedly and zips past in a literal blur.

In the hallway, just before the elevator door can shut -

WHOOSH - Kara slips inside. Lena is startled into a step back. Seeing Kara's use of powers in person is strange and new. It's almost exciting. _Almost_. But she's too betrayed to let herself feel anything more than disgust.

The door shuts behind them. Lena hardens.

“What are you doing. Get out.” she demands, reaching to stop the elevator and then practically punching the open button.

Kara slaps the close button again. Lena can’t believe she just did that.

“No. I won’t. Not until I apologize for Alex. For everything.”

“I’ve had enough of your apologies. Get. Out.”

“No.” Kara stands firm.

“You going to keep me in here, Kara? That’s your solution? Imprisonment? Have to appreciate the irony I suppose, Super and Luthor and all.”

Kara boils over - 

“Would you stop that? It’s not about that. This isn’t -" she forces herself to calm, instead trying more softly, "It’s just you and me, Lena. It’s - it’s just us.”

“_Us_…” Lena scoffs.

“Don’t you have something else to be - _doing_?” Lena asks next.

Kara frowns at the inference as Lena nods in the direction of the hall as Lena then smirks in irony.

“I mean my God, I never really knew you at all, did I?”

It comes out with a twinge of deeper hurt as she eyes Kara up and down, and she instantly hates herself for it. Again. She does that a lot lately, hate herself. It’s a familiar feeling because she spent so long doing it. Until Kara. Until her comfort and friendship - and trust. A trust that no longer exists between them. And now here she is again. Back to that familiar place of self-loathing. There was something oddly comforting about it. Because at least if she hated herself, no one else’s opinion could really hurt her. Or maybe that’s just what she tells herself…

“Kate only knows who I am because-“

“I don’t care what Kate Kane knows. And I don’t care what you’re doing with her.”

“Kate’s a friend, Lena.” Kara bites her own tongue before saying more. She hates herself now for this new lie. Or was it? Yes, Kate was a friend. But of course, there was more to it. Kara doesn’t understand why she keeps doing this to Lena, but here they are yet again - with a truth that would hurt Lena. And thus - yet again, she’s trying to figure out which is worse, to be honest or shut the hell up.

Meanwhile, Lena swallows and almost relaxes. Almost. She might be relieved to know she’s just a friend, if she cared. And she tells herself she doesn’t, all so she can fire back -

“How unfortunate for her.”

It's a searing blow. And Kara’s at a loss. She honestly doesn’t know what to say anymore. Nothing seems capable of quelling Lena’s rage. Still, she tries one last time, “Lena-”

She hesitates. And finally, Kara decides to attempt something new.

“I’m done apologizing.”

Lena barely reacts.

“I’ve tried. But continuing to say how sorry I am isn’t doing anything. It’s not - it’s not helping anything.”

“I’m glad you finally understand.” Lena says flatly, shifting. “Now perhaps we can both move on with our li-“

“I slept with Kate.” Kara blurts.

And she can’t even look at Lena. Her eyes bore into the ground instead, so intensely she worries she may blow a hole in it. And Lena freezes, only moving to turn her head to look over at Kara for the first time in the last minute.

“I - don’t want to lie to you anymore, Lena. I can’t. My lies have done so much damage. _Too_ much damage. And it kills me. And I’m done. I’m done apologizing, and I’m done lying.”

“You - “ Lena chokes on her words, and damn it if her eyes don’t start to water against her will from shock and that inexplicable anger and twisting nausea at the pit of her stomach. “You - “

“Slept with Kate Kane. Well, there wasn’t really much sleeping...” Kara shifts awkwardly and for a moment it’s like it’s five years ago and she’s that shy, awkward girl who acted the same way every time she was in Cat’s office goofily trying to explain away some bizarre disappearance or convenient circumstances.

This confession, and unfortunate visual - knocks the air from Lena. Even though she already suspected. Even though she practically walked in on it. Deep down she'd hoped it wasn't true and briefly been relieved when Kara said they were just friends. She finally looks away from Kara. Just stares at the elevator door.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because… I… I need you to know…”

“Need me to know, what, Kara? That you’re even more secretive than I ever knew? That you are this - whole other person. Yet _another_ person.”

“No, Lena - I’m - I’m just me…”

“And as we’ve more than established - I don’t know you.”

“I want you to. I need you to.”

“Why? You have friends. You have family. You have - Kate Kane. All of whom know your secret and apparently always have. Why do you need me?” she demands, voice raising with each question.

“Because I don’t know how to exist in this world without you in it.” The moment Kara admits this, she thinks back to Alex’s accusations about her near obsession with Lena, and she knows she’s right but she’s too pissed at Alex to think further on it before continuing -

“I miss you, Lena.”

The tone is a blow to Lena’s soul. It’s deep and soft and laced with that familiar sweet tenderness she’d come to love about Kara these last few years. And Kara’s eyes. Her beautiful, kind blue eyes are like pools of sorrow and gentility and depth and vulnerability and - she has to look away, reminding herself that under her shirt right now is something that represents the opposite of all of those things.

And in a flash any crack in her armor heals quick, and her jaw sets. And again she looks away.

“Kara, please -“ she practically hisses.

But Kara continues - 

“I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. But you’ve been so angry. And I just - I hated myself.”

This strikes Lena, because obviously she relates.

“So I took off. And I wound up in Gotham. And Kate was there. And - things… just… happened. And I don’t regret it - for a lot of reasons. And Kate, she’s - she’s amazing. But, even she knows it’s not any deeper than that, because she’s not -” Kara stops herself.

This isn’t something she’s even sure she’s ready to fully face and admit out loud, despite Kate’s brazen summary of it just moments ago. And it’s certainly not something Lena’s ready for.

Lena frowns at Kara’s pause. All of this is too much. Is she - is she saying she has feelings for her deeper than a friendship? Is she saying she wanted Lena, but settled for Kate? _There’s no way._ Lena doesn’t believe it. Part of her thinks maybe it’s some cruel trick. One last stab to the heart from someone who’s hurt her so deeply already. Is she trying to finish her off? Kara had already broken her heart, now she wanted to crush it into dust? A million questions are running through her mind yet again, and yet again she’s overwhelmed. And before she can even begin to debate whether she wants to ask any of those questions - or punch Kara in the face for doing this to her -

“I miss you.” comes finally from Kara, repeating once more. Even more gently. With a slight shrug of finality. As if that’s all she can say for now. All she can bring herself to admit. For either of their sakes. And she hopes it’s enough. _She prays to Rao it’s enough_.

Kara waits, ready for Lena to tell her off. To push the button again. She even steps back to leave her the space to do it. Lena stares down at the button. At Kara’s offering of escape. Her eyes then drift up to Kara, and for the first time in a long time, Kara sees some tiny hint of softness in them, and for a moment she has a flash of hope. Something confused and pained hides behind Lena’s eyes, and Lena feels herself looking at her like that. And she feels words coming to her mouth, but again she chokes on them. She can’t speak. Can’t swallow. Can’t move. Because she has no idea what’s happening or how to even begin to process it. She even shakes her head, hoping it somehow helps her. And it does, at least a little. It helps her with one single word -

“Kara -“ finally comes out and for the first time in a long time, it’s not cold and seething. It’s something more. Something desperate and pained and confused -

BOOOOM - the elevator suddenly ROCKS.

Lena’s hand instinctively reaches for Kara’s arm, and Kara instantly braces her with her own, which Lena is immediately reminded is toned and strong and -

When Lena sees herself staring at Kara’s arm and how they’re clutching each other - she yanks her hand back.

Kara glances at her briefly, hurt by the speed with which Lena recoiled from her touch, a touch it’d been forever since they’d both felt, and the look of ice that’s unfortunately returned to Lena’s eyes. Kara tries to focus, swallowing down the pain it causes. 

“What was that?” Kara states the obvious question to break the tension, before slapping the open button, and together they step off the elevator, just as Kate’s strutting out into the hallway.

“Something’s happening outside.” Kate hollers to them.

Kara rushes ahead and Lena follows a bit slower, her eyes tracing up and down Kate with a steely glare, and then Kara, and back once more to Kate as they stomp side by side to the window at the end of the hall. She can’t help it, after what she just learned about the two of them. She can’t help picturing them together. _Together_, together. And it somehow makes her blush and furious all at the same time. But she shakes it off due to the dire circumstance and steps to the other side of Kara, and she’s acutely aware of the fact that Kara is standing between the two of them. And for the third time in under ten damn minutes she finds herself sickened by her own thoughts of - _jealousy_? Is that what this is? This fury and inexplicable disdain for Kate Kane, whom she’d only just met? There’s no time to go there or wonder further however, when she finally sees something that makes her mouth drop -

The building down the street - in fiery ruins.

“Get back.” Kara says quickly.

Kate and Lena obey, taking a step back -

As Kara smashes right through the window and soars down the street, cape flowing behind her.

Kate looks over at Lena, concern on her face for National City, but Lena won’t look at her. She can’t.

So instead, she turns and hurries back towards the elevator.

“Hey hang on, I’ll ride down with you.” Kate says, on Lena’s heels before she can escape her.

And she steps inside the elevator before Lena can hit the close button.

And she stands right next to her. And Lena catches a familiar scent of vanilla and lavender. Of _Kara_. On _her_.

And Lena still can’t look at her, because she’s now fuming inside.

It’s the longest ride down a mere few stories that Lena's ever had in her life.

“Why do I get the feeling this is just another day in National City?” Kate attempts to joke to break the tension, despite the gravity of the circumstances.

DING - the doors finally open.

And Lena never answers.

Kate just smirks and shakes her head, stepping out as Lena practically sprints out of the building towards the scene down the street. 

And she can’t help but notice the irony of Kara and Lena both making quick exits to head straight into chaos.

“Birds of a feather.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Lena's revelations. And more distractions. This time, of the explosive kind. Literally.

Lena sits at her desk, watching news reports and thinking back on the day’s events.

When the explosion happened, she’d rushed to help. But there wasn’t much she could do, a businesswoman in heels and skin-tight skirt, and it quickly became apparent as she watched people fleeing in horror, covered in ash, burns and scrapes. Some were screaming for loved ones or from shock, others crying. She’d attempted to comfort a woman who was rocking back and forth with her toddler son. All she could offer was empty, useless platitudes as the woman yelled for her older daughter. The terror in her voice had shaken Lena to her core. She tried telling her again and again it would be okay even though she knew it unlikely - until Supergirl swooped in and landed with a girl in her arms. The girl clutched her mother desperately and the woman cried in relief, thanking Supergirl. Lena had instinctively looked at Kara, how could she not, but Kara was too focused on saving the day to make eye contact, as she turned to leave, until the scared girl clutched her hand, unwilling to let her go.

“Hey.” Supergirl had said gently, “I have to go help others. You’re safe now.” she assured her, a softness to her tone that Lena had heard so often when Kara would comfort or hold _her_. She had found herself watching Kara’s hand which touched the girl’s face, wiping a single tear from her stained cheek. Kara’s fingers and knuckles in that moment were currently covered in ash and dirt, smeared across callouses and veins and the contrast had struck her in a way she hadn’t expected. That perfect dichotomy of gentility and strength.

The sight had torn at Lena, in the form of a deep pang, until Supergirl shot off into the air to continue her rescue. Lena had walked the mother and her children to the nearest first responder, then turned to see if there was anything more she could do, and that’s when she’d spotted Kate - running into the first floor of the burning building only to return, coughing and leading a small group of people outside to safety. So she was a hero too. Is that what Kara had seen in her, Lena had wondered? Bravery? Strength? Heroism? Those were all the things Lena always felt she lacked…

And that’s when Lena had realized she had no role there. She knew once the dust settled, she could throw money at repairs. Make donations to the families. But in that moment, there was nothing she could do. And so she’d turned and walked away, leaving Kara and Kate and the firefighters to save the day, since they were the heroes. And her? Well, she was just a Luthor.

So now Lena sits and stares at the coverage on TV, as she has for the last hour, neglecting her work. When Supergirl appears once again onscreen, Lena’s mind drifts to their conversation in the elevator. To the things Kara said. The promise of no more lies. But how could Lena ever trust her again? Even if she wanted to, which in this moment she wondered… but knew there was no way. They couldn’t possibly ever go back. She couldn’t possibly ever trust her again. Because she can’t trust the authenticity of Kara’s apologies and efforts. Every moment they’d spent together had been built on lies, half-truths and omissions.

How can she trust this isn’t just another lie, one meant to keep Lena in her place? She was a Luthor, after all. Maybe the only reason Kara was saying such things was to keep her in line. Because having a Luthor as an enemy was a dangerous thing for a Super. This they both knew. Kara’s priority was keeping the world safe. That truth was something Kara had reminded her of today, as Supergirl saving the day. And if she thought Lena could be a threat - perhaps that’s why she’s doing this now, Lena wondered as she leaned back in her chair. Perhaps it was all a ruse. After all, everything else had been.

But then the rest of it - she couldn’t figure out. Kara may be a liar, but in all the time she’d known her, she’d never been deliberately cruel. As she was reminded with the girl today - Kara was always compassionate. As angry at Kara as Lena was, _this_ much she couldn’t deny.

Then there was Kara admitting to her that she’d slept with Kate, someone who obviously knew who she was, no less… it was torturous and Lena now could admit to herself - she was jealous. Jealous of Kate knowing Kara in that way. Being with her in that way. _Touching_ her in that way. And having Kara return it. With her lips and body, and those fingers - 

Lena shook away the thought.

What she couldn’t deduce was… _why_? Why was she so jealous. Lena wasn’t attracted to Kara in that way. To women, in that way. Was she? Considering her current thoughts, she had to wonder. Had to confront. So she finally allowed herself to think on the things that scared her. That she’d buried deep down for so long. She started to think back to all the times she’d caught herself staring at Kara. At the warmth she felt near her. At the excitement she felt around Supergirl. She thought back to the many, many times, while buzzed on wine during group game nights, that Kara would smile at her. And she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t wondered what it would have been like to have leaned over and -

A knock at the door startles Lena from this thought. Her assistant checks to see if she needs anything. Lena simply shakes her head and dismisses her with a wave. The assistant can read her mood and doesn’t press. Just ducks out.

And now Lena starts to think back further. To a memory she’d buried long ago. College. Freshman year. The beautiful strawberry blonde whom she’d known from class. Whom she’d danced with after running into at a party. Who had drunkenly kissed her. Lena had at first leaned into it, only for a moment, as something about it felt - exciting. Felt _right_. Until she realized what she was doing and had recoiled in startle and when her face had read of confusion and borderline repulsion, the girl stuttered and apologized and claimed to have misinterpreted Lena’s actions. “I thought you-“ she’d started, but Lena had bolted before her statement could be finished.

And it never happened again. Ever. Lena went on to date the most eligible guy in school for two years. They made the perfect couple. He was the second boy she’d been with, the first utterly forgettable and a momentary lapse in High School, and with him, unlike the first, it was - nice. But she hadn’t really wanted to do it again. So then he’d cheated on her. And she’d remained single again until Jack. Sweet Jack who ironically enough reminded her of a male Kara Danvers, in some ways. Both pure and kind and well-meaning. She’d felt safe with Jack. Safe enough to further explore physical activities that were more enjoyable. But if she was honest with herself, everything they’d done had been connected to the work. After a particular breakthrough, they’d launch into each other’s arms. After a setback - they’d reject each other in every way and both go cold. After a discovery, again - a physical celebration. She now realizes, with a deep frown, that she wasn’t so much attracted to him as she was living and breathing her work in every way, through him. She loved Jack, dearly. She missed him, even to this day. He was, after all, the closest thing to a best friend she ever had - until Kara.

And then there were the other men, along the way. She did what was expected of her. She flirted and she bed them with confidence and sure - she would be satisfied, at least in the most basic of ways, but there was always something missing. And then there was James. He was caring and protective and had as close to a perfect body as a man could have, and they were together fairly often and it was - nice, again. There was that same word. Nice. Never mind-blowing. Never intoxicating. Just… nice. But ultimately, she knew she’d only attached herself to him because she was seeking something she’d not yet found. A closeness. A comfort. Someone to really see her. She thought he had. Seen her. Truly and deeply for who she was. Who she could be. And so she’d given in to him, in every way. She even professed her love for him. But one day she realized he didn’t know her at all. And he gave no room for mistakes, no allowance for her flaws. James was a good man, but he didn’t see her in the way she thought he had. He couldn’t offer her unconditional support and love - in the way Kara had.

Kara gave her everything she’d ever sought on an emotional level. And now, as she considered every relationship she’d ever had, every experience with making love, fucking, or anything in between - there was always something missing. Some piece of the puzzle she couldn’t quite figure out. Everything was always, that damn word, nice. Satisfactory. She did her part to be sexy, to be involved. She was very much active with men, so she never once thought she could be anything but what she always believed she was.

She’d talked once to Alex about her life before coming out. She now couldn’t remember how it had come up. But Alex had been clear that being with men left her feeling empty and uncomfortable and often unsatisfied. That was never the case for Lena, not really. Or at least not that extreme. So she never thought of herself as anything close to…

She can’t even say the word in her own head. It scares her too much. She’s an open minded, liberal woman of the world and yet suddenly she is very, very nervous, if not afraid.

And her fear isn’t just because of the pieces suddenly fitting together, but of the specific piece that she now realizes was missing for so long - yet now right in front of her. She knew that piece. She’d met that piece already. She’d never in her life felt the jealousy she felt towards Kate today - after finding her with Kara. She’d never in her life felt the pain and anger she felt when she saw Kara now, after the betrayal. No one had ever made her feel as much as Kara made her feel - good, bad or otherwise.

And it made everything ten times worse now, as the acceptance washes over her. Lena Luthor is in love with her own destroyer. She wants the person who has caused her the most pain she’s ever felt in her life. And the twisted irony of that isn’t lost on her.

Tears well in Lena’s eyes as she realizes this, but none fall. Instead, she hardens briefly as she thinks - _Damn her. Damn Kara Zor-El for ever coming to this planet. Coming into her world._

And then - Lena sinks and brings a hand to her head. Because she’s tired. She’s tired of the pain. Of the anger. Of the longing. She’s tired of feeling so alone. She’s just. So. _Tired_.

She doesn’t want to be angry at Kara any more. She realizes that now. It’s consuming her in that way that scares her. And she knows now that she has to let the anger go. But more than that… she has to let _Kara_ go.

Lena realizes in this moment that she must come to terms with the fact that she’ll likely spend a life time alone, as no one would or ever could measure up. But she’d prefer isolation to pain. And because she has no way of knowing whether Kara’s affections were ever genuine or if her apologies now are even sincere, she knows she’ll never get over her if she remains in her life.

So Lena shuts off the television. And she calls her assistant back in. And she tells her to prep a sales deck for CatCo Media, as well as a list of available rentals in Metropolis.

——-

Supergirl lands on the deck of the DEO, where Alex immediately approaches.

“Supergirl!” she says in relief.

Kara ignores her, heading straight for J’onn who’s there in his civilian clothes, alongside Brainy.

Alex looks confused as Kara struts past, asking what they found. They tell her about the trace amounts of alien technology discovered at the bomb site belonging to a species J’onn is closely familiar with. They’re a brutal people and he warns them all, “This will likely get worse, before it gets better.”

“Then I should get back out there.” Kara says immediately, turning on her heels.

“Supergirl. Supergirl wait!” Alex jogs behind, “Supergirl?!”

Kara spins, forcing Alex to stop abruptly so she doesn’t run into her, and before Alex can even ask what’s going on -

“What were you thinking?” Kara demands.

“What do you -“

“What did you say to her, Alex?!”

Alex finally realizes what this is about, so she pulls her aside. Low and desperate she tries, “Kara -“

“You made it worse, Alex. You made it so much worse!”

“I had to try! I thought it would help!”

“Well it didn’t. You hurt her. You made me hurt her. Again. I keep hurting her, Alex, and I don’t need you piling on.”

“Kara…” Alex’s heart breaks when she sees tears in her sister’s eyes.

“I never thought I’d have to say this to you, but stay the hell out of my life!”

And with that, Kara stomps away.

Alex jumps in front of her, hands up, “Kara I’m sorry! I messed up! I know that. I shouldn’t have talked to her. Or at least not like that. I was just worried about you. And the things she said -”

Kara makes a move to push past, but Alex won’t let her as she continues, “But that doesn’t make it okay and that doesn’t undo the damage, and again I am so sorry. But please don’t do this. Please don’t be angry with me.”

Tears come to Alex’s eyes now as she finishes her plea, "We’re fracturing, Kara. You and Lena. Me and you. But we can’t do this. We have to stick together, you and me. Now more than ever. Stronger together, you know that. _You know that_.”

Kara knows she’s right but she’s still frustrated, teeth grinding.

“You shouldn’t have talked to her.”

“I know. I messed up. I know. I’m so. Sorry.”

Kara stays fuming a moment, glaring at her sister, whom she loves so much but has possibly never been so angry with.

And that’s when it hits her. _This is exactly how Lena must feel._ Struggling to forgive. Only so much more, and so much worse.

Alex searches her eyes, wondering what she’s thinking but knowing it’s painful and not good. But also probably not even about her.

“Kara?” she asks tentatively.

Kara’s lips part and her eyes water again as she now realizes, when it comes to Lena, she knows exactly what she has to do.

Suddenly -

“Uh - ma’am you should see this!” bellows from behind, courtesy of an agent needing Alex.

She puts a tender hand on Kara’s arm before stepping past her. Kara remains still another moment, staring out, swallowing down the pain washing over her so she can finally get the nerve to turn to see - an indiscernible face covered in darkness appearing on their screens.

The figure makes a threat that more buildings will be blown. That National City is in need of a reckoning. A cleansing. It’s nonsensical, but aren’t they all, the kind who cause terror and suffering.

Kara frowns, face hardening as the message goes blank.

“We’ve gotta find those other bombs.” Alex says quickly strutting towards the round desk as Brainy immediately begins processing data from the feed.

But before anyone can speak or act further -

Kara’s head tilts and she hears it first. _Oh no…_

“We’ve got another explosion!” the agent says.

Kara’s head tilts again. The same sound, again.

“And another!” the agent barks, fearful.

Kara’s eyes go wide.

“My God there’s three!” Alex says now, seeing for herself. She looks to Kara -

But Supergirl is already gone, in a flash.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate leaves. Alex realizes. More angst. But don't worry, only a few more chapters of pain. There's a happy ending here eventually, I promise. ;)

Kara flew as fast as non-humanly possible. She was there in what would’ve been a blink to others, but to her was an eternity. 

She landed in front of L-Corp, and the wind knocked out of her - from relief. L-Corp was safe. The building directly next door however… wasn’t as lucky. Nor was the one down the street, or three blocks away. Kara took a moment to gather herself and swallow down the fear she’d felt when she thought it was Lena’s building.

Just as she was about to take off for the gaping hole in the building next door - Lena comes rushing outside with her assistant, flanked by security. The two make eye contact.

Lena barely frowns, curiously. She realizes Kara thought it was L-Corp. Thought it was her. And Kara knows she knows.

But then Kara realizes something. She turns. Listens.

“They were getting closer.” she says quietly to herself. And then she looks at Lena again.

“J’onn - I need you!” Kara says into her earpiece. He’s there in a moment, already having been on his way.

“The explosions. Across town. Two blocks away. Down the street. Now here.”

J’onn looks around. Realizes, “They’re after L-Corp.”

“After Lena.” Kara corrects, “She’s the target. All of this was a warning.” she fumes, “Get her to the DEO, J’onn. Keep her safe.”

“Her security can take her, I need to help you.”

“This species is dangerous, you said it yourself. They can’t protect her. _Go, J’onn!_” she practically barks. He can tell by the fiery look in her eyes he shouldn’t protest further. Gives a nod and hand on her shoulder of comforting affirmation.

Lena watches from a short distance, unable to hear them over the chaos, but she can tell it’s an intense conversation and she gets her answer on what it’s about when J’onn stomps over.

“Ms. Luthor. I need you to come with me.” he says firm and she knows not to argue. 

But she does turn back to look one last time as Kara zooms into the air overhead and does what she can to save lives, as always. Lena swallows down any concern as J’onn leads her away.

——-

Hours have passed as Lena waits in the DEO lab. Her hands fiddle and her nerves get the best of her, so she starts to pace.

That’s when she spots Alex, returning with a group of agents. She looks stressed as she talks to J’onn and the others.

Brainy suddenly appears in the doorway.

“Lena. Are you - alright?”

“I want to know what’s happening. What I can do to help. If someone’s after me -” she says more coldly than intended.

“You are staying safe. That, is helpful.”

This is of little comfort to Lena, of course. And they both know it. He moves to leave. Lena can’t help herself -

“Was it something you all talked about? The fact that I didn’t know? Was it a joke? Was I -” she tries, more sad than angry. 

He steps closer.

“Of the roughly fourteen trillion jokes I know across a virtual myriad of galaxies and dimensions both present and future, I can assure you, Lena. _You_ have never been one of them.”

She tries to accept this. _Try_, being the key word.

“Lena - “ he takes a tentative step forward.

“If you talk to me about tiny boxes…” she interrupts, warningly, turning her back to him.

“That - is not what I desire to speak with you about. Lena, I wish for you to know that I - regret the role I played in deceiving you, however it was not my secret to tell.”

“I know. It was hers. She’s the one who lied. You all just lied for her.”

Brainy frowns, “Lena, you know that I am unable to reveal - things, related to -

She doesn’t know what he’s getting at, “The future.” he finishes with a wave of his hand in the air. “But I can say this. You and Kara…”

He hesitates, as if everything in his Legion soul is telling him to shut up. Still -

“You have… important things. To accomplish. Together.”

She frowns as he continues, “It’s important that you, try… to see the bigger picture. To understand why - “

“There is no together, Brainy. Kara and I - whatever we had. Whatever we _could’ve_ \- “

She swallows down the thought.

“It’s over. And I’m leaving.”

“Y-you’re -“ he's confused.

“Yes. And I ask that you say nothing. To anyone. You at least owe me that much.”

His lips part to speak, confused and struggling with the weight of her declaration and request, as she brushes past.

She takes position at the railing and looks down over the bustling DEO.

Brainy just turns and walks away, returning to his work with even more now on his exceptional mind.

That’s when J’onn steps away from Alex, who happens to glance up. She makes eye contact with Lena. Lena bristles, remembering Alex’s last words to her.

Alex shifts, a strain coming to her face. Lena can tell by the look, Alex feels guilty. But Lena’s tired of apologies. So she just looks away.

And thus Alex too returns to work, meeting Brainy at the bottom of the stairs.

Lena figures she should join them and demand to know the latest and try to help however she can. She descends the stairs and turns -

Just as Kara flies in. She’s once again covered in ash and - blood. She knows it’s not hers, but there’s a twinge of concern which she pushes down quick.

Kara looks exhausted, in every way. And she glances right at Lena, but Lena averts her eyes and keeps on to the round counter. And it breaks Kara's heart.

“Hey.” Alex says in relief, welcoming Supergirl back with a gentle hand on her arm.

“Who’s blood is that?” she asks in concern.

“_Everybody’s_…” Kara says shakes her head. “We have to stop him, Alex. Whoever this is. He’s hurt so many people. And he’s trying to hurt Lena.”

“He won’t.” Alex assures and together they approach.

They all convene and it’s all shop talk and theories. They go over any recent threats to Lena, and she’s aware of none.

Lena is frustrated. They all are. Especially Kara. She leans forward and Lena notices her hands again, also stained in blood. Blood from suffering caused by somebody after _her_. 

Kara catches her looking. She sees the guilt on Lena’s face, knowing that she’s blaming herself for the suffering happening across National City. So she tucks her hands away, into a quick crossing of her arms to avoid making it any worse on her.

“Ma’am?” 

They all turn to see an agent approach, nodding to Kara.

“You have a visitor. She says she knows you…”

Kara peers past the agent as Kate rounds the corner.

Lena instantly hardens.

Alex frowns curiously.

Kara nods to the agent, “It’s fine.”

The agent lets Kate pass and approach. 

“So _this_ is the DEO?” Kate says glancing around. 

“How do you know about the DEO?” Kara asks curiously.

“I know a lot of things. Friends in low places.”

Kara almost laughs, but the situation is too heavy to engage in pleasantries or humor. And Kate knows it.

“You look like crap. Hot crap. But crap.” Kate says, eyeing Kara up and down.

“Thanks.” 

Kara leads her over to the nearest hallway, for privacy.

Alex watches with a wondering frown, “Is that - Kate Kane? Bruce Wayne’s cousin?”

Lena pushes off the desk and walks away, heading back upstairs. Alex sees. Finds the reaction strange. 

So Alex steps a bit closer to Kara and Kate as they talk, keeping a spying eye on them.

“I just wanted to see if there’s anything more I could do to help.”

Kara takes a deep breath, shakes her head. “I wish there was.”

Kate nods, accepting the unfortunate reality.

“Then, as much as I hate to say it, I -“

“Have to get home to Gotham.” Kara finishes for her.

“I hope that doesn’t make me a bad friend.”

“No, Kate. Please. You’ve been amazing. And I’m sorry - about what happened before. Things are just -“

“Complicated.”

“Yeah.” Kara smirks. But there’s still no humor found in her heart. Just sadness and irony. 

Finally, Kate blurts -

“You should tell her how you feel. This -” she waves her hand around, “Isn’t good for anybody.” 

“I know. Believe me. And I tried. I keep trying. But I’m - I’m only hurting her more and more every time. And it's not fair to her. And I know now, what I have to do to stop.”

Kate seems to read her mind. Feels sympathetic.

Then - a familiar slyness appears in her eyes, trying to lighten the mood.

“Well, then you’ll probably need a distraction again soon. And you know where to find me.” she says with a smile, before she steps past and touches Kara’s forearm. “Stay safe, Danvers.” she says low, with genuine concern.

“You too.” Kara returns.

And with that, Kate’s out.

Alex approaches. Slowly. Cautiously.

“Were you - just - flirting with Kate Kane?”

“What?” Kara says with a scoff and shift, but no denial.

Alex studies her. Hard.

“Kara.” She steps closer.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say that… I _wasn’t_.“

Alex’s eyes go wide. She’s beyond confused. 

“Is she - did you go to Gotham when you -“

Kara looks around, trying to avoid eye contact.

She pulls Alex into the hall.

“Look-“

“Oh my God! You did! Did you - did you and _her_ —“ 

“Would you stop, Alex? This isn’t the time.” 

Alex brings hands to her head as if trying to keep it from exploding.

“I don’t believe this.”

“Alex.” 

“Wh- what does, what does this mean?!”

“It doesn’t _mean_ anything.”

“I - beg to differ, Kara.”

“Kryptonian... relationships have never been about gender, Alex.” and then lower, “Sexuality for a lot of us is... fluid." 

Alex’s mouth drops. “W- how has this never come up? Especially when I came out to you!”

“It was about wasn’t me.”

“But it would’ve helped!”

“Alex, I wasn’t even - it hadn’t really hit me at that point anyway, I guess it’s more of a recent realization.”

“So - you’re bi?” 

“I mean if a label helps you, then yes, Alex. I am bisexual.” 

“Wow.” Alex says, still at a loss. “And you’re sure. From a one time thing.”

“I mean it was more like four times, but one night -”

“Oh my God no! NO NO.” Alex clenches her lids and her face contorts as she wants to burn the image from her brain.

“Alex, listen. It’s not that big of a deal, okay? And it’s not just about Kate -“

Alex freezes at this as Kara continues to ramble, “But we have more important things to worry about, okay. Lena’s life is at risk. People are dying -”

“Oh my God…” Alex says, breathless, interrupting. 

“What?” Kara asks under a furrowed brow.

“That’s…”

Alex knows now, realization washing over her.

“_It’s Lena_.”

Kara swallows. Jaw sets. She looks down, arms crossing once again.

“Kara...“ Alex says with shock and sympathy and confusion. And pity.

“Can we just - not. Please. I can’t have this conversation with you. Not right now. Because I need you focused on finding who’s doing this. And I need to talk to Lena. And it’s not going to be easy. It’s actually going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But - I don’t know any other way…“

Alex wonders what she’s getting at, but before she can ask for her to clarify -

“So I just can’t go there, right now. I can’t think about - my feelings. Or any of - this. Okay?”

Alex knows she’s deadly serious. And with the moisture forming in Kara’s eyes, she’s not about to press.

“Okay… Okay.” Alex starts to nod. “I’m going to find who’s doing this.” she finishes, resolute. It’s a promise to Kara without even having to say the word.

Kara nods in appreciation, as Alex walks away.

Then Kara turns - and spots Lena above, in the lab. Her back is turned and she doesn’t see her staring, as a deep dread washes over her.

And she heads for the stairs.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation.

Lena feels her presence before she speaks. She’d hoped she was wrong, but knew she wasn’t. She always knew when Kara was near. When Supergirl was near. There was simply something about her. A warmth. An electricity. She could always feel her coming. It’s one of the things she loved about Kara Danvers. About Supergirl.

For the millionth time in weeks, Lena could slap herself for never putting it together.

“Hey.” Kara speaks gently. Too gently. As if they’d been talking all along. As if it was just them. Old them, before everything. It’s so authentic and pure in that tone only Kara has.

Lena forces herself to pause before turning, because she doesn’t like the familiarity of it. She tries to remain neutral as she faces Kara.

Kara doesn’t say anything else for a moment, she just steps in, slowly. Tentatively.

Lena’s had very little direct interaction with Kara as Supergirl since she found out. The last time, when brutal things were said, she was in her old suit. But now, as Kara approaches, Lena can’t help but notice the differences in the new suit close up. Her eyes trace down its design. It’s far more - mature. Kara stands a bit taller. Seems a bit stronger. More composed. More stoic. Especially now, covered in dust and blood from battling fires and saving lives. And that’s why she thinks Lena’s looking._ Has to be_. 

“Sorry, I know it’s - a lot.” Kara says about the mess.

Lena’s grateful for the out. She shifts. “The legacy of being a Luthor. Blood and ash.” she says with a sense of despair as her gaze drifts to the ground, somberly. 

“Don’t say that.” Kara says, her firm tone catching Lena by surprise. “You have to stop doing that, Lena.”

Lena shifts. Arms cross.

“Did you need something?” Lena asks, averting her stare. It doesn’t come out harsh. She just doesn’t want to hear comforting words from Kara. She doesn’t want to allow any chance of her to break through the walls in the way only she ever could.

Kara takes a breath. 

“I’ve been struggling for weeks... trying to figure out how to fix things. Between us.” Kara begins. 

“Kara -“ Lena interrupts.

But Kara doesn't let it stop her.

“There is no us, I know. And I also know - I see now, that I can’t fix this. And that continuing to try, is only hurting you more.”

Lena looks up at her now, under a furrowed brow of curiosity.

Kara steps closer as she continues, “What we’ve done to you… What _I’ve_ done to you. Hasn’t been fair. And it’s not fair to expect you to just get past it. Pretend like it didn’t happen.” Kara hesitates, “I mean, I never thought you should - just get past it. But…”

Kara looks at her deeply. “I see the pain you’re in. The pain I’ve caused. And it kills me that it’s killing you. Because you’ve been through enough, Lena. I know you’re tired. I’m tired too. I... carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, protecting it, but you - you carry the weight of the world’s expectations. I wish you saw yourself the way I always have. And I hope some day you find yourself worthy of acceptance, independent of your last name.”

Lena’s breath catches in her throat. She feels a moisture coming to her eyes and it frustrates her to crack in front of Kara at all, so her jaw sets. And she wants to speak. To protest. To tell her to stop saying all the right things. But Kara simply continues -

“I… put on a cape and I fight, and people see me as a hero. But you - you do so much good, and you fight, and it’s just so people see you as _not_ a villain. And that’s not okay. And it’s not fair.” Kara’s eyes well as she hates the way the world views Lena and the way Lena views herself, but she too holds back any tears. Swallows it down. She becomes more firm now as well, as she finishes - 

“I don’t want make your life any harder. I don’t want to cause you any more pain, Lena. So after this is done. After we find this guy… I’m walking away.”

Lena freezes.

“Because I know that, at least for now, and maybe forever-“ Kara strains at the thought, and her voice becomes shaky as she struggles through her final words -

“You need me out of your life. That’s the only way for me to stop hurting you. For you to move forward. And I want you to be happy, Lena. To be trusted. And to be loved. The way you deserve to be.”

The last part is spoken barely above a whisper.

Lena’s eyes threaten to burst as her lips are parted in shock. And she can’t speak. Or move. Or think.

This is what she wanted, she reminds herself. Kara is, finally, giving her exactly what she wanted.

“Goodbye, Lena.” Kara says nearly breathless, before turning and walking away.

Lena never sees Kara’s face contort in agony as tears finally stream.

Part of her wonders whether Kara will turn and look back at her one last time. But Kara never turns back. She’s given Lena exactly what she asked for. She’s leaving her alone. Walking away.

Lena thought hearing these exact words and seeing this exact display would bring relief. Bring peace. But instead, now, as Kara gets further away, in every way, she just feels - empty. That familiar warmth is gone. And only a chill remains as Lena wraps arms around herself and a single tear rolls down her porcelain cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might want to have alcohol on hand. And tissues. Because yes, I just did that. Just remember I promised good things eventually, and I'm not a liar. 
> 
> FYI - Picture Blake Neely's "Harnessing Anger" playing during THE climactic moment. For those who don't recall, that's the epic music from her battle with Red Tornado. 
> 
> Good luck with your feels. ;)

“LENA LUTHOR” the voice booms, echoing throughout the DEO, startling Lena awake. She’d fallen asleep on one of the beds in the medical bay, and the voice immediately bolted her upright.

It had been hours of desperate searches and teams of agents streaming in and out, while Lena just tried to process... everything, until it had overwhelmed her and exhaustion had settled in and she'd decided to rest. But now - rest seemed like a ridiculous concept.

Supergirl, freshly clean after a quick shower, stomps towards the screen, Alex, J’onn and Brainy flanking her.

They all listen as the mysterious alien silhouette issues his final challenge. He calls out Lena directly. He talks of how her technology to identify aliens lead to his lover being killed by Agents of Liberty. He calls them all a cancer, but says Lena is the root. He makes it clear that only with her death, will true justice be served. He notes how by now they’ve figured him out, and he knows she’s in hiding. Surrounded by people keeping her safe. He points out the irony of that, which causes everyone to glare in protective anger. This alien has a personal axe to grind, clearly, and now they all know why. But in this moment, Kara doesn’t care why. She’s going to stop him.

So when he issues his challenge to Lena to spare the lives of any more innocent people and come to L-Corp’s storage facility “where they kept their greatest weapons, those used against his kind” or more people will die -

Supergirl is out in a flash, with Alex and a stream of agents on her tail doing their best to catch up. They think they know the exact location he’ll be, and they're sure they’re going to stop him.

No one ever looks up to see Lena also watching, in dread. They never see the sinking realization on her face.

——-

Supergirl bursts into L-Corp’s largest warehouse. She lands hard, with fury. She stomps through and scans the place - finds nothing out of the ordinary. She’s confused, as Alex and the other agents soon pile in behind her.

“Where is he?” Alex says, stating the obvious in exasperation. 

“J’onn there’s nobody here.” Kara says into her earpiece, confused.

Back at the DEO, he frowns. He turns to look up to where Lena once stood at the railing. He doesn’t see her. Odd.

He hurries upstairs, only to find - Lena's gone. _Oh no._

“J’onn? Brainy? What's going on?” Kara asks in his ear. J'onn silences the earpiece, to her confusion. And quickly pulls out his phone.

On the other end, Lena - now across town - walks slowly towards a dark bunker.

“Lena?” J’onn says quickly, “Where are you?”

“He wasn’t talking about the warehouse where we keep our current tech.” she says calmly. “There’s another facility. A bunker. It’s where Lex housed his most secretive designs. Where I used to keep the kryptonite. It’s empty now. But I know that’s where he’ll be.”

Dread washes over J’onn.

“Lena. Where is the bunker?”

Lena hardens. Just keeps walking, chin up in defiance.

“It’s right in front of me.” she says, finally coming to a stop just outside.

“Lena…” he says in warning, knowing what she’s thinking. What she’s planning.

“I won’t allow anyone else to die for me, J’onn. For my family’s sins. _My_ sins.”

“Lena.” he practically growls in admonishment. “Lena, don’t do this!” he pleads.

“Tell Kara - tell her thank you.” she says, calmly. And she means it. She’s grateful to Kara for giving her exactly what she wanted. For making it easier on her to do what she was now planning to do.

“Lena!” he bellows, desperately - but the line goes dead.

When he hangs up and turns his earpiece back on - “Supergirl. Alex. You’re in the wrong location.”

Kara looks at Alex with a deep frown.

“What are you talking about?” Alex asks.

“He didn’t mean the warehouse. Lex had a secret bunker. And Kara… Lena’s headed there now.”

Kara is shell-shocked. Alex’s mouth drops.

“Where is it?” Kara says breathless.

Silence. 

“”J’onn where is it?!” she YELLS, her voice echoing throughout the warehouse in a way that scares Alex.

“Kara…” Alex says, dreading what she knows J’onn is probably about to say.

“She wouldn’t tell me.” he says with a heartbreaking finality.

Kara’s world goes on tilt. Her legs feel weak. And then, a desperate fury washes over her.

She BURSTS into the air, leaving a gust that practically knocks the team off their feet, BLASTING through the warehouse roof with abandon.

“Supergirl!” Alex yells after her.

“Kara -“ J’onn tries.

But it’s no use. Kara is already flying high above the city.

She stops mid air.

“Kara!” Alex tries in her ear, again.

Kara responds by turning the device off in irritation.

And then she focuses, a deep crease coming to her brow. Supergirl closes her eyes. And she forces herself to calm. To breathe.

And she listens. The world slows around her as she listens past the sounds of the cars and people below. Past televisions and radios and sirens. Past the flapping of bird’s wings and stomping of footsteps. Past the wind itself. To the heartbeats.

It’s a sea of them. She hones in, further, deeper - until the familiar sound registers in her ears.

And when she hones in on it, finds it, and feels the thumping of a fast, familiar beat - her eyes burst open.

And she takes off in a flash.

“Alex! Supergirl is on the move.” Brainy comes over the comms suddenly. 

“Brainy!” Alex barks into her earpiece. But he already knows what she needs.

“She’s heading East, near the harbor. Sending you her location.”

Alex opens the device on her wrist. “Let’s move! Hurry!” she orders quickly to the team.

They sprint for the exit, heading for the waiting chopper as Alex prays they can catch up.

——-

When Kara lands outside the bunker, the ground cracks under the intensity of her furious impact. She squints - but the place is lined with lead. That’s when she spots the entrance where a small metal door is cracked open.

Dread washes over her, as she takes a step closer.

Before thinking or planning - she blurs in a dash.

Inside -

Kara skids to a halt in front of a much larger, sealed door with a two-foot-thick reinforced window. And that’s when she spots her through the glass -

_Lena_. On the other side of the empty bunker. Her hands are bound in front of her and a chain at her ankle, keeps her tied to the wall at her back. Kara’s eyes go wide. She pulls the door sideways, expecting more resistance - but it just slides right open.

She’s smarter than this. She knows it’s a trap. But all she sees is Lena huddled in the corner, looking up at her with shocked eyes.

“S-supergirl, no -“ she tries.

But it’s too late, Kara’s already stepped inside.

And the door shuts behind her. And it locks. _With Nth metal._

Kara spins around in alarm, but still no one else appears and nothing happens further. It’s just her and Lena in the room. She rushes to her.

“Lena -“

“Kara, no. You shouldn’t be here.” she pleads in frustration.

“What were you thinking?” Kara barks, reaching forward as she starts to kneel - then recoils. Stumbles back.

And that’s when she spots Lena’s hands. The chains are lined with kryptonite. 

“Stay back!” Lena warns, furious that Kara is even there.

But Kara ignores her. She tries again. Forces herself closer despite the pain, trying desperately to break the chains. But she can’t. It’s a combo of Nth metal and kryptonite. She strains. Hard.

“I - I can’t -“ she grits.

And that’s when the alien appears, coming straight through the wall at the side of the bunker like a ghost. And he’s ugly, with gnashing teeth and huge, raging eyes.

Kara turns to face him, on her feet quick.

“Where did you get Kryptonite?!” she demands.

“From the DEO. My - ability comes in handy that way.” he says coolly, gesturing to the wall he just passed through.

“You shouldn’t have come, Supergirl. But I’d hoped you would. That’s why I had those. Just in case.”he says nodding to Lena’s chains.

“This doesn’t involve her!” Lena yells.

Kara momentarily notes the concern, but she’s too worried about Lena’s safety to think further on it.

“Oh but it does. Because of you. You think I don’t know the connection you share? You think I haven’t - peeked? I know you’re friends. I know who you _really_ are. And I know that given the chance, you’d side with her, over your own kind.”

Kara swallows.

“You’re not my kind.”

“And you’ve betrayed us all, Kara Zor-El.” he growls.

That sets her off.

Kara zooms across the bunker and SLAMS into him.

An epic fight ensues, with both of them tossing the other around between exchanges of brutal blows. Kara is a bit weakened by the presence of the kryptonite, but she has power and rage on her side.

Lena watches in concern - and awe. It’s different now, knowing it’s Kara taking hits. Bleeding. Fighting. _For her_.

“I’m going to kill her! And I’m going to make you watch!” he screams in Kara's face as he grips her throat.

And that sends Kara over the edge. She sees red.

Kara nails him to the wall with all her might, and it dents slightly under them, but it doesn’t break. The Nth metal lining the room makes sure of that.

But he's hurt. Bad. She steps back - looks briefly to Lena to be sure she's still okay, and misses the alien's quick recovery.

He's stabbing her in the side with a sharp kryptonite knife he’d just switched open, before she can react. 

She yells out and he TWISTS, holding her from behind.

Lena’s mouth drops, agape. She’s mortified at the sight.

But Kara, somehow, flings her head back, cracking his face with her skull, knocking him off of her.

She falls to her knees, gripping her side and gasping from the brutal wound.

It buys him enough time to tap something on his watch - and the door opens.

“No!” Kara yells before she can get back to her feet - palms striking the glass just as it closes once again, sealing them in.

“You think I wasn’t prepared for this?” he hisses.

Kara pants desperately, grimacing and holding her bleeding side, which only now starts to heal - too slowly - as he lifts another device.

Behind her, Lena gasps. She knows exactly what’s in his hand.

“Insurance policy? Isn’t that right, Luthor?”

“Wh-“ Kara doesn’t understand.

“It’s a failsafe, installed by Lex.” Lena explains, terrified. “An internal implosion designed to destroy the bunker using nanoparticles that burn the air like fire and decimate anything within these walls.”

Kara can’t believe it.

“You sided with her.” he says now, through mangled teeth, “Now you can _die_ with her.”

And with that, he turns and walks away.

“No. NOOO!!” Kara yells, banging on the glass lining the door between them. "You don't have to do this! It won't bring her back!" she tries, but he ignores her, heading for the exit.

But then she gasps in relief as Alex and the team bursts in, guns raised, stopping him.

“Alex!” she says into her earpiece, watching through the window that divides them. Alex spots Kara through the glass as the agents train their gun on the alien.

He stands between them, lifting the device in warning.

“Alex, the device! It’ll destroy the bunker! And there’s kryptonite in here! I can’t get Lena out!”

Alex panics and hardens, gun trained on him. “Drop it!” she orders.

It’s a stand off.

“You think I didn’t come here, ready to die?” he scoffs.

“Humans.” he finishes in disgust.

“Kara, just get out of here. The roof. The vent. It’s not Nth metal. You can escape through there.” Lena tries.

“I’m not leaving you.” Kara says with conviction as she stomps back to Lena, and again tries to pull on the chains. But she’s even weaker than before, thanks to the stab wound. She grunts and yells out in frustration.

“Kara, please. The world needs Supergirl. They don't need me.” Lena practically seethes.

Kara ignores her. She just keeps pulling, yanking, trying to bend. But it won’t bend. It won’t break. And her hands start to burn where she touches it directly, and the green is rising in her veins. And Lena sees and she grits, shaking her head.

But before she can protest further -

“No!” Kara hears in her ear. She turns just in time to see -

Alex’s eyes turn to saucers.

Kara’s breath catches in her throat - 

As the alien's thumb tightens on the button.

“NOOO!” Alex screams.

Everything slows as Kara hears the bullets ring out, the agents opening fire and killing the alien - but not before the button was pushed.

Kara turns, and kneels and blocks with her cape, fully covering Lena and most of herself as the place lights up in white burning particles.

Lena cowers under her.

And the bunker implodes and burns within itself. Paint strips away on the walls. And Kara’s partially exposed skin starts to sear, unable to hold up against the particles despite assistance from the cape, her body made weaker by the proximity of the kryptonite which binds Lena.

The pain is unimaginable. But Kara holds. She holds herself in a stance over Lena, palms to the wall slightly above Lena, on both sides of her head, protecting her with her body and cape.

Outside, Alex watches through the glass in horror. She beats on the door. She checks the keypad. Types. Nothing. She rips it open. Puts a device inside.

“Brainy! I need help. We have to shut off the failsafe. We have to open the door! Brainy!” it’s desperate, almost tearful.

“I see! I am trying!”

Inside -

Kara stays firm, but it only gets worse. And Lena sees Kara choke on her own breath as she tries to hold on. As she fights the force of the particles and the pain._ Rao the pain..._ It's unlike anything she's ever felt. A thousand times worse than kryptonite, which she never thought possible. Her body is strained. The veins in her neck bulge.

“Kara - no! Kara just go!” Lena tries again.

“No!” Kara gurgles out.

And that’s when Kara stumbles, one leg buckling into a half-kneel. Her face getting closer to Lena, as the pain overwhelms and the burn becomes to much. She can feel her skin coming apart. Her body starting to tear itself from the inside.

“Brainy! Please!” Alex screams, tears in her eyes as she beats on the window.

“AHHHHHHH!" Kara YELLS out in sheer, brutal agony, trying to hold on. To keep herself together - literally, as the particles threaten to tear her cells further apart. The guttural yell finishes in her throat and she feels the heat and burn start to overwhelm. To overtake.

And that’s when she realizes - this is a battle she can't win. 

“Kara!” Alex yells in her ear again.

“Alex! Alex I’m sorry.” And with that she rips out her earpiece and tosses it aside and it disintegrates into thin air from the particles.

“KARA NO! BRAINY!” Alex pleads with a gut wrenching cry.

“Lena…” Kara grunts out. Her hand slides down a little and her knee comes closer to the ground, and their faces are now merely inches apart as green fills her veins and her eyes strain and she’s about to die and she knows it. And Lena knows it and she’s absolutely mortified, tears welling in wide eyes.

“Lena - you had - me. You - always - had me. As - Kara. As -S-supergirl. I - was always - with you. You had - me. More - than anyone."

“Kara, _don’t_!” Lena pleads, tearful.

“I was - selfish. I didn’t - want - to lose you.” Kara buckles a little more. And she starts to tremble. And Lena instinctively puts hands on Kara's sides as if she can help hold her up. One of her hands covers Kara's bloody wound, soaking in her gushing life force. 

“You… deserved better, Lena…” she continues, but she’s never made eye contact. She can’t. She can't hold her head up that much. It hurts too much to even hold her body up and she’s trying too hard to hold as the particles now start to break through every part of her body. Of her skin. And the agony is now unbearable. And she can barely draw a breath, as the particles now fill her lungs and tear through her organs, and her eyes go dim and Lena sees Kara slipping away, and yet despite it all - she somehow still holds herself over Lena, shielding her.

“Damn it, Kara, don’t you dare die for me!” she screams in her face and strikes her in the chest, on that iconic crest -

And Kara slips further down, closer to Lena, practically body on body with barely a kneel remaining.

And tears roll down Lena’s face now, knowing the sheer agony Kara must be in. The sheer torture she’s putting herself through and the sacrifice she's making to save Lena’s life. And she knows now, in this moment - it was all true. Everything Kara ever felt for her. 

Kara’s hand trembles as it moves while starting to break apart at the veins, right in front of Lena’s eyes. Her fingertips somehow lightly reach Lena's cheek, and finally, she's able to briefly, barely look up, her eyes meeting Lena's in her final moments, as her hair turns to literal fire like a phoenix ablaze -

“Forgive me…” are the last words spoken -

\- as Kara’s entire being dissipates.

“Got it!” Brainy’s voice bellows in Alex’s ears as -

The particles disappear instantly, ceasing in the very moment _just_ before they reach Lena’s skin, which had only a millisecond before, been protected by Kara's form.

Lena gasps.

The door slides open.

Alex rushes inside.

Stillness.

Lena just sits there, hands up in the place Kara once stood over her, one of them stained in her blood, where she'd just clutched onto her for dear life. She’s frozen in place, her mouth open and eyes wide and breath caught.

And Alex sees. Sees only Lena and the frozen horror on her face. Sees her sister gone.

In this moment, Brainy has also hacked the surveillance feed. He watches on the monitor, now joined by Nia and James who’d rushed over from covering things at CatCo and are just as horrified at what they’re seeing. Or - what they’re not seeing.

“No - I - this… this… can’t be…” Brainy starts, stumbling over his words. It makes no sense. Supergirl _can't_ be gone. She can't be _dead_. It goes against everything he knows of the future. Tears well in his eyes. And James' too. And neither can form words.

Nia’s shaking hand comes to her mouth in horror, tears streaming - 

As J’onn arrives on the scene. He looks around, desperately. Sees Alex frozen. Lena frozen. And Supergirl nowhere to be found. And then it hits him. 

Alex drops to her knees, buckling as J’onn reaches for her, clutching onto her, trying to hold her as she can’t even breath and starts to shake.

And Lena still sits there, unmoving, staring into the abyss where Kara once existed. And she suddenly feels cold air slip in from outside.

And as tears roll down Lena's face in utter heartbreak despite the empty, blank, shocked expression on her face -

Alex lets loose a gut-wrenching cry unlike any of them have ever heard.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last of the gut punches. We're about to bounce back, people!

Two hours after Supergirl’s death, Lena Luthor washes the bloodstain from her hand.

She watches as carmine swirls down the drain in slow, torturous circles, feeling the finality of Kara’s life force disappearing into the abyss... just as she had.

Tears had continuously fallen from Lena's eyes, but she’d not given into them. Her face had never changed from the daze she’d been stuck in since Kara had disappeared in front of her eyes, ripped to pieces and literally burned alive by her brother’s technology. To save _her_. 

Lena can’t even look at herself in the mirror. She can’t feel anything. She can barely breathe. Alex’s wails still ring in her ears. And Kara’s last words repeat in her mind. _“Forgive me…”_

That’s all she’d asked. All she wanted in exchange for giving up her life. Forgiveness. And saying it in her final moments, it wasn’t even for Kara. She was asking Lena to forgive her - _for Lena_. To save her soul. Even as she _died_ for her, her only concern was for how Lena would live on, and she didn’t want her to live on in anger.

And she did, forgive her. Lena forgave Kara for everything. For every lie. For every pain of the betrayal. She forgave her the moment Kara had thrown aside that earpiece and decided to give up her life for her. The moment she’d realized it was all true. Kara's regret. Kara's kindness. Kara's love. But it was too late. Way too late. So the only anger Lena felt was for herself. For not doing it sooner. And for taking the world’s hero.

Lena finally looks up and sees her own reflection. And then - she breaks, STRIKING the mirror with the jewelry dish. Again. And again until every piece is fallen and the porcelain breaks and her hand bleeds from its shattered chunks.

And she SCREAMS, her face contorting and knees buckling and blood boiling in rage and anguish.

Lena collapses down into a heap on the tile, CRYING OUT in the sheer agony of loss.

“WHY…” she chokes out, her voice then dropping now to a barely discernible whisper of torment, “Why did you leave me…” she weeps. “Why did you leave me…” she repeats, barely, curling up into herself as she rocks in the fetal position on the floor, one hand clutched to her chest, the other outstretched and bleeding.

\-----

Two days after Supergirl’s death, Lena Luthor stands tall and firm next to Alex Danvers at the funeral, both of them with no tears left to cry as they stare down at an empty casket.

On the other side of Alex is Eliza. Next to her - Clark Kent and Lois Lane, their infant son held tightly in her arms as Clark tries to keep it together, jaw hardened. Her sister Lucy stands beside her. And all around them are Kara’s friends and loved ones. J’onn. James. Kelly. Brainy. Nia. Next to Nia stands Cat Grant, eyes covered in oversized black sunglasses that prevent anyone from seeing her cry - until she takes them off because she doesn’t even care. She sniffs and does her best to hold composure as she grasps a weeping Nia’s hand, offering her comfort. But all it does is elicit more crying, which makes Brainy shed more tears next to her. He'd been unable to reach the Legion, but he’d sent them a message and dreaded the one he knew he’d get back soon.

On the other side of the casket are Supergirl’s metahuman friends and allies. Barry and Iris are there, and Oliver, and everyone they know. Everyone she ever helped or stood alongside when worlds had collided. Barry has tears in his eyes. Iris too, as she squeezes his hand and lays her head on his shoulder. He kisses her head gently, never more grateful to have her alive and well and by his side. Under dark shades, Sara Lance watches Alex and admires her strength. _She can’t even imagine_.

Lena never sees Kate Kane. Kate makes sure of it, out of respect. She stands at a tree near the edge of the cemetery, eyes dark in sympathy for Kara’s friends and family at the gravesite, and weighted regret for not doing more. She stares down at the ground, sadly, for only another brief moment - then turns and walks away before her own tears can threaten to fall.

Lena feels her legs growing weaker as the priest says final words. Until Sam steps up beside her, having just arrived, Ruby on the other side of her mom. She’s a bit older now, fully a teenager. Yet still she stares down at the casket with the admiration and sadness of a little girl who’s lost her hero. She clutches the crest necklace at her chest, as Sam clutches Lena’s hand and arm, and Lena holds on for dear life.

They hold the wake at Kara’s apartment. Everyone is there, and most are eerily silent.

Mick guzzles wine straight out of a bottle. Then hands it to a forlorn Sara next to him. Who then passes it to Cisco, sitting on the arm of the sofa next to her.

Lena stands at the island. Her gaze scans the room, and she registers the sorrow from everyone. Eliza has never stopped crying, though she tries her best to hide it from Alex who seems almost annoyed by all of this, though she puts on a brave front. But Lena knows - she just wants everyone to go away and let her crumble in peace. Because she feels the same way. But she also appreciates their love, and she feels their pain. And so much more. And Lena can’t believe how loved Kara was. Actually - she can. It was who Kara was. She _was_ love.

The world mourning Supergirl was unlike anything Lena had ever seen. It’s like time had stood still for two days. The night she'd died, there were candlelight vigils worldwide. The day of the funeral, flags around the world were at half-mast. People had taken to the streets all day today, looking lost and empty. Anyone she’d ever saved or impacted had cried. Which meant a lot of tears.

Lena could literally feel the world’s heart breaking. In Supergirl, they’d lost their inspiration. Their light. Their greatest hero. And in Kara, she'd lost hers...

She suddenly heard Clark’s voice, strained from a few steps away as he kissed his son’s forehead. “She never even got to meet him.” he says with utter heartbreak as Lois rubs his arm and practically stands against him in comfort. And Lena can’t take their eyes off of them. The two of them. Each other’s rock. Each other’s _world_. They’re inseparable. They’re a family. They’re everything she would never have. Everything she lost.

Something chokes deep in Lena’s throat and she’s not about to let anyone see her break, so she quickly slips away to the bathroom.

Once inside, Lena leans against the sink. And that’s when she spots it by her hand - Kara’s blouse. The one Lena had picked out at Christmas. It’s dry now, having sat on the edge of the sink untouched for days, and with the faded evidence of a visible wine stain. Lena picks it up. Brings it to her face. Smells it. A familiar comfort of lavender and vanilla wraps itself around her. And if she had any tears left - they would be falling. Instead, she just clutches onto the shirt for dear life.

Everyone leaves soon. The closest of their friends try to get Alex to leave with them, or offer to stay with her, but she tells them it’s fine, and to go. And they know she needs to be alone at Kara’s and they don’t fight her on it. 

James and J’onn hug Alex tightly on their way out. None of them know what tomorrow will bring, but they know it will be the hardest thing they’ve ever done to go on without Kara in their lives. Eliza holds Alex the longest, of course. She’s then walked out by J’onn who’s so kindly offered to drive her back to Midvale, as she can't bring herself to stay in National City, and Alex has refused to come with her.

Kelly kisses Alex on the cheek and it breaks her heart to leave her alone, but she’d insisted. The official line given to her was that which was given to everyone - that Kara Danvers had been there to help Lena and report on the events when she was caught in the explosion, and died along with Supergirl. From Alex and James’s utter devastation and the singular funeral, Kelly had of course put it all together, but she’d never said a word to either of them. She knew they’d speak on it when they were ready. Until then, she just let them be.

The last one out, ironically - was Cat Grant. Cat, who’d stood in he middle of Kara’s loft and taken it all in as if taking a final mental inventory of Kara Danvers’ life by standing in her home. She then tilts up a chin and slings her purse over her arm and heads for the door with purpose. She stops in the doorway, turning back to face Alex suddenly. She tenderly, almost awkwardly fiddles with a loose strand of Alex’s swooping hair near her temple, as she once had with Kara. “Our shero will never be forgotten by this world. I won’t let them.” she says firmly and resolute. And Alex offers a nod and forced, toothless smile. “Thank you.” she says holding on with what little she has left.

And the moment Alex closes the door behind Cat - she leans forward against it. Then turns and feels it at her back, mouth finally dropping open as she gasps for breath. As if that will keep her going. Keep her heart from breaking further. A hand comes to her stomach as she does her best not to hyperventilate -

And that’s when Lena rounds the corner.

Alex hadn’t remembered she was still there. She pushes off the door and goes to the table, leaning against it with one hand, wiping away a rebel tear with the other as she forces feigned composure, “Everyone’s left.” she says without looking at Lena.

“I’m sorry, I - I’ll go.” Lena says breathless, still clutching Kara’s blouse in her hand as she passes -

Until Alex grabs her wrist.

Neither move for a moment, until -

“Stay. Please.” Alex says, barely.

Lena’s grateful for the allowance.

Alex peers past Lena, to the couch. She hasn’t been able to bring herself to go near it since losing her sister. It was _their_ couch. Her and Kara's. And she would never again sit on it without her.

So instead she pulls out a chair and takes a seat at the table, leaning forward with elbows on knees, hand to her forehead for a moment as she exhales, deeply, all pretenses gone now. Then she sits up and back, slumping in the chair as Lena finally allows herself to lower into the chair closest to her. 

Alex’s gaze drops to the blouse in Lena’s hands, and the tiny, recent cuts on her skin that she hadn’t noticed before, but now wonders the source of. And Lena hasn’t looked at her this whole time. _She can’t._

“I would understand - if you hated me. She gave up her life to save mine.” Lena finally says, strained.

Alex just studies Lena a moment, under a sad and furrowed brow.

“Part of me wishes I could. It would be so easy… But she wouldn’t want that, Lena. _I_ wouldn’t want that. Kara loved you - _so_ much.”

Alex pauses, watching Lena’s fingers gently rubbing the threads of the blouse as she continues, “And you loved her too, didn’t you? As more than a friend…”

Lena’s breath catches, tear ducts she thought were empty threatening again. But she holds firm.

“It doesn’t matter now, does it? I realized too late. I wasted precious time being so angry with her.”

Alex reaches over and puts her hands on Lena’s, and Lena finally softens and tears finally roll down her cheeks again, as she trembles.

“I wish I could go back…” she says, looking to Alex like a child desperate to be granted an unrealistic wish.

And it breaks Alex’s heart further so she scoots to the edge of her chair and pulls Lena into a hug.

And they hold each other as silent tears now fall for them both. Until Alex’s eyes open and she tries to catch her breath over Lena’s shoulder -

And then she spots it.

And she has no idea how she missed it before, sitting right there on the table. And that same breath she was trying to catch now stops hard in her throat.

Lena feels Alex freeze up, so she pulls back curiously -

“What is it?”

Alex says nothing. So Lena follows her stare -

To Kara’s Legion ring.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've been waiting for.

Lena stares at the ring in Alex’s hand, as they both now stand by the table.

“Kara… told me about something once. How she’d gone back in time to correct a mistake with this, using a disruption.”

“A disruption?” Lena asks curiously, something resembling hope building in her gut. But she’s afraid to give into it too much.

“_Temporal_ disruption, Lena.”

Lena's mouth drops.

“How - why?”

“She never told me why. She couldn’t. I always wondered, but it seemed too painful so I didn’t push, but - but this could be it. Lena, this may be how we go back.”

Hope finally pierces Lena’s soul and she prays it’s true as they bolt for the door.

——-

“You - want me to find you a temporal disruption. So that you may travel back in time. In J’onn’s ship. Using Kara’s Legion ring. In order - to save her life?” Brainy asks, one eyebrow up. 

“That. Is exactly what I’m saying.” Alex confirms holding the ring up in front of him and J’onn.

Brainy looks from Alex to Lena and back again.

“Is that even possible?” J’onn finally asks losing patience.

“Yes, of course.” Brainy starts, searching his own mind, “I was - simply attempting to uncover the reason why I hadn’t had the same idea. And to my best estimates, it’s primarily due to a lack of emotional stability during this incredibly trying time. Please forgive the oversight.” He says as trailing off as he turns and hurriedly types on his tablet.

“I’ve found one.”

“Send me the coordinates.” Alex says, turning to stomp away.

“Wait!” Brainy says. When he turns - his face is a punch to the gut.

“It… won’t work.” he says, shoulders sinking.

“What do you mean, you just said!” Alex barks.

“The closest temporal disruption is here.” He shows by bringing up an astral map on the large monitors and pointing. “Any others are too far away for J’onn’s ship to reach.”

“So I’ll use that one.” Alex confirms, as if it's obvious so why is there a question.

“You don’t understand. The disruption. It’s closing.”

“Then I’ll hurry!” She practically yells.

“No, it - you won’t be able to go back far enough. By my calculations it would only take you back as far as - 28 hours, 49 minutes and 17 seconds.” he explains.

Alex shakes her head, not understanding.

Lena does the quick math in her head. Lets out a half-sigh, choking back tears that threaten to spill from being dumb enough to hope. But Alex stays firm, looking to Brainy for an explanation.

“That - is _after_ the failsafe was activated.”

Now it’s time for a punch to Alex’s gut. She steps back. “No…”

“You would still be trapped outside. There would be nothing you could do, Alex.” Brainy confirms, sadly.

J’onn shakes his head in frustration at the last lost shred of hope.

“I’ll go.” Lena’s voice startles them all.

“W-what?” Alex asks, confused and swallowing down her own tearful disappointment. 

“I know what I have to do. I’ll go.” she says, taking the ring from Alex’s hand.

“Lena - Brainy just said -“

“Alex, I have to do this.” Lena says before almost turning - until Alex stops her.

“Look, I understand how much you want to see her again, _believe me_. I would do _anything_ just to see her face. Hear her laugh." Alex strains, holding back tears. "But there’s nothing you can do. Why put yourself through that? _Again_. What more can you do-”

“I can forgive her.” Lena interrupts, desperate. It breaks Alex’s heart.

“But she’ll still be gone, Lena.” Alex has to confirm, though it crushes her own.

“And, there is also the danger of J’onn’s ship being unable to withstand the force of the disruption.” Brainy chimes in, trying to help. “You could die before ever reaching her.”

A long silence hangs in the air between them. 

“Why would you risk that?” Alex has to ask.

Lena takes a moment. She then looks at Alex, and with a sense of finality -

“Because I don’t know how to exist in this world without her in it.”

And with that repetition of Kara’s same words to her, Lena turns and walks away.

——-

Lena directs J’onn’s ship towards the coordinates, spotting the disruption ahead.She looks down at the ring in her hand.

She hesitates. Then she lifts her left hand, and slips it onto her ring finger. And for a brief moment, she almost smiles at the feeling of it. Kara’s ring on her finger.

And just as quickly, she makes a fist and hardens.

She peers out to the disruption, under a furrowed brow. And she increases the ship's speed.

Back at the DEO - Alex, Brainy and J’onn watch in silence.

“Good luck, Lena.” Alex says under her breath -

As J’onn’s ship is pulled towards the disruption.

\-----

Lena holds on for dear life, as the walls seem ready to tear open. And then a wave of light appears all around her. And she hears voices and sees flashes. Time and space collide around and within her as she relives moments of her childhood, her life. And then - Kara’s smile. Their hugs. Supergirl saving her life. She gets lost in the memory of the depth of Kara’s blue eyes. And as the ship starts to come apart and she feels the frozen pressure of space seep in, Kara’s comforting voice -

_“I will always be your friend, and I will always protect you.”_

_“You are a brilliant, kind, beautiful soul.”_

_“I want you to be happy, Lena. To be trusted. And to be loved. The way you deserve to be.”_

A tear rolls down Lena’s cheek, freezing at her chin from the sudden, violent exposure to deep space -

— AS LIGHT ENGULFS HER —

And ice becomes fire -

And Lena suddenly feels the weight of Kara’s body leaning against her, face inches from her own, her fists balled against Kara’s crest.

She’s back. In the moment immediately after having struck Kara in the chest and ordered her not to die for her. And she again feels the tears streaming down her face.

And she _realizes_ she’s back.

Once again -

Kara’s hand trembles as it moves while starting to break apart at the veins, right in front of Lena’s eyes. Her fingertips somehow lightly reach Lena's cheek, and finally, she's able to briefly, barely look up, those deep blue eyes meeting Lena's in her final moments. But this time, before her hair can turn to fire like a phoenix ablaze -

Lena reaches for Kara’s face and leans forward, bringing their lips together hard and firm and pouring everything she has into it. Every ounce of forgiveness and love and desperation to stop her from dying. To save her. To buy them -

\- just -

\- another -

\- few -

\- seconds.

Kara frowns into it, not understanding but not caring as the unimaginable pain somehow becomes secondary to this moment. To the feel of Lena’s kiss.

And it’s enough to help her hold on for a fraction of a second longer -

“Got it!” Brainy’s voice bellows.

And the particles disappear, ceasing instantly.

Lena gasps as Kara’s lips slide off of hers and she drops to an unconscious heap at her feet.

The door slides open.

Alex rushes inside. Her eyes are on Lena, in disbelief at what she just saw. But she doesn’t even ask or say anything more than -

“Kara!” as she rolls her sister over.

“Oh, thank God.” Alex breathes, discovering she's still alive. _Barely_.

Alex grips Lena’s wrist in relief.

But she has no idea.

Only Lena knows.

And she smiles through tears.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath. Not quite smut and not quite fluff... so smluff? Yes. That's it. Enjoy the smluff. And a teeny bit of angst. The good kind, I swear.

It worked. She did it. Lena had successfully gone back in time and stopped Supergirl’s death, with of all things - a kiss. It had helped Kara hold on just long enough for Brainy to turn off the failsafe.

And yet now, despite the relief just moments ago, Lena’s smile fades and any joy disappears as Kara regains partial consciousness only enough to lurch and cough - and choke.

Alex and Lena realize at the same time it could be the kryptonite chains at Lena’s wrists.

“Move back!” Alex orders as Lena fumbles closer to the wall and Alex and an agent drag Supergirl away from her.

But there’s no change. Kara’s body trembles and writhes as she gasps and wheezes, a hand coming to her chest as the veins in her neck bulge and it’s clear she’s in complete agony.

“What’s happening?!” Lena doesn’t understand. She’s far enough away so the kryptonite shouldn’t still be affecting her like this.

“She can’t breathe!” Alex says with wide, terrified eyes.

“It’s the kryptonite. It was in the air from the particles. It’s in her lungs -“ Alex grabs Kara’s hand and sees the green hue to her veins, which still courses through her whole body, into her neck and face and even her eyes.

“It’s in her bloodstream. Kara!” Alex pleads, desperate.

In this moment, Lena realizes why Kara had once been so upset with her about her Kryptonite stash. This was brutal. This was horrific. This level of suffering, this degree of pain - no one should ever have to feel that. Especially someone as good and heroic as Kara. And the fact that Lena ever had something in her possession that could do this to Kara, to the person she knows now she loves most in this world, makes her physically ill.

“Get back!” startles Lena from her self-flagellation. She watches as Alex and the agents take several steps away from Kara, and Alex tosses a yellow sun grenade at Kara’s body.

After a brief flash engulfs Kara, she finally gasps a full, complete breath. And immediately loses consciousness again. Alex falls to her knees beside her and puts an ear to her chest.

“Her heart rate’s slowing.” Alex says in relief. But she knows she’s still not out of the woods. “We have to get her to the sun lamps. Now.” Alex orders as more agents arrive.

She tells them to focus on freeing Lena, while she gets Supergirl back to the DEO.

As the agents surround Lena and work on her chains, she watches Kara being carried away, and she prays to a God she’s never believed in that all of this wasn’t for nothing.

——-

Kara’s eyes flutter open. The brutal memories of the pain of her body coming apart from the inside floods back, and it’s almost too much - even just the memory, until she sees something that quells it. Something that’s the best sight she could’ve woken up to. _Lena_. Sitting by her bedside, eyes closed. She looks exhausted, maybe even asleep. Kara’s gaze traces down to see Lena’s wrists are red and bruised from her previous bindings. And then she spots - Lena’s hand gripping her own. She hadn’t felt it before, until the numbness faded and she could now feel her fingers and toes again. And now she can feel Lena’s grip. Her own finger involuntarily twitches at the feel of it - startling Lena, who turns and sits up straight in alarm, and when she makes eye contact with Kara - relief.

Lena is looking at her for the first time in ages with something other than anger. Something gentle and warm.

“Hey.” Kara says barely above a whisper.

Lena can’t believe it. It’s finally real. The relief. That Kara will be okay. Also, the relief that, based on the look in her eyes as she looked at her, Kara obviously remembered the kiss. She’d wondered if she would, but the softness in Kara’s gaze combined with a slight smile that threatens at the corners of her mouth confirms -

She definitely remembers.

“Hey.” Lena repeats back through watered eyes. 

Kara’s half smile fades for a moment and a weight comes across her face and she swallows. Her lips part to speak -

“I forgive you.” Lena interrupts, shaking her head. “You don’t have to say anything else.”

Kara’s eyes trace down again to see Lena’s fingers now interlacing with her own. It’s a minor but intimate action. And so Kara lets her thumb stroke Lena’s, barely and briefly. And they both watch it happen. And then their eyes meet again.

“Kara!” Alex blurts, startling them both from this moment of connection, and Lena is a little disappointed when Kara’s hand slips out so she can sit up and hug her sister.

“No, hey - you shouldn’t be up!” Alex admonishes.

“I’m okay, Alex.”

“Thank God. Or Rao. Or whoever the hell was watching out for you today.”

Lena glances down. Shifts.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m great.” Kara smiles, and she means it, her strength now fully returning. And then she can’t help but let her gaze drift back to Lena. And Alex follows the glance.And she realizes she’s interrupted something.

“Hey uh, I have to file a report on that asshole. I mean he’s dead, so it probably won’t take that long. But - it still has to be filed. Because -” she rambles, awkwardly pointing behind her, “Paperwork.”

“Smooth, Alex.” Kara can’t help but call out.

“Yeah. Sorry.” is all she can muster as she spins on her heels and disappears quick.

Lena comes around the other side of the bed and steps where Lena once stood as Kara remains seated.

“You know, I - haven’t had a chance to tell you…” Lena starts.

Kara waits, wondering.

“I like the new suit. Pants.” she says gesturing with a smile and awkward shrug.

Kara breaks, nerves fading but the whole situation still being so new.

“Pants, yeah!” Kara smiles while looking down at herself. It’s a full, beaming, eye-squinting Kara-like smile that Lena hasn’t seen in ages.

And Lena can’t help but be swept up in it, and in how Kara’s perfect blonde hair falls over her shoulders and muscled arms flex while gripping the side of the bed and tapping thumbs against the top in a quick succession, as if she isn’t sure what to say or do next.

Neither are.

“I’m so glad you’re back.” Lena can’t help herself.

Kara looks at her oddly.

“In my life.” she corrects. “It was a mistake to let you walk away. To push you away.”

“Hey -“ Kara says, sliding off the bed and Lena’s suddenly reminded of the slight height difference when Kara stands tall and Lena’s not wearing insanely high heels.

Kara gently puts her hands on Lena’s arms. 

“Lena, I’m here now. And so are you. And that’s all that matters.”

Lena takes a breath, a real breath for the first time in ages. She grips Kara’s forearms in return.

“Yeah.” she says softly.

They just stand there together, closely for a moment.

And then Kara is suddenly struck with a wave of nausea, causing her eyes to close and hands to release Lena so she can instead lean back to the bed for support. Lena instinctively grabs Kara at the hips to help stabilize her.

“Oh-kay, maybe I’m still a little -“

“Kara?” Lena says with rising concern until -

“I’m fine. Don’t tell Alex.” Kara chuckles.

“_Kara_-“

“Lena, I’ve been at this awhile. I know my limits.”

“Know them or push them?”

Kara smiles. “Depends on the situation.”

Lena suddenly is very aware where her hands are. She releases.

Kara notices. Pushes past it.

“I just need some air. And to go home. It’s - been a day.”

“Okay, well - I’ll drive you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” Lena says genuinely.

Kara looks at Lena deeply for a moment.

“Okay. Or, I mean, if you wanted to-“

Lena swallows, nervously wondering what she’s about to say -

“We could fly.”

Lena relaxes, but only a little.

“I’m - a nervous flier and you just said -“

“I wouldn’t, if I couldn’t. I would never put you at risk like that.”

From the intensity in her eyes when she says this, Lena believes her. Finally -

“Alright.” she says half breathless at the idea.

And then Lena is shocked when Kara grasps Lena’s hand in hers once again, and leads her to the deck.

Lena takes position in front of Kara, awkwardly unsure how they’re about to do this, and in disbelief at what’s about to happen. Before now, she’s only ever flown with Supergirl in dramatic or chaotic moments of rescue. This was - something different. This was _intimate_.

And it only gets moreso when Kara pulls Lena closer, as if they were about to slow dance, with their hands still together and Kara’s other wrapping firmly around her waist, pulling her body against Kara’s steel form.

Lena swallows again.

“You’re not going to say to hold on tight?” she half-jokes.

“Well I’d never drop you. So, only if you’d like.”

Lena’s breath catches now. _God yes, she’d like._

And just as Kara moves and it’s clear they’re about to rise, Lena tenses.

“Let’s - take it slow. I’m... not sure I could handle flying at Mach 1.”

“Well, yeah, you’d pass out if we did. Aren’t you a scientist?” Kara teases.

And before Lena can form a comeback - she feels her feet leave the ground, and one of Kara’s feet rests under hers, keeping her upright as they literally float straight up into the air, slowly.

The wind traces across Lena’s skin and she gasps as they reach a height that enables her to see across the entire city, lit beautifully against the night sky.

Lena can’t believe the view.

Kara peers down with her.

“Incredible, isn’t it?”

Lena stares at Kara now instead, while Kara takes in the lights.

“Breathtaking.” She says, eyes never leaving Kara’s perfect face, until Kara finally looks at her once again.

Something passes between them as they float.

And Kara can’t stop looking at Lena’s lips.

And Lena can’t stop looking at hers.

Kara swallows. Waits. Holds. She’s not about to steal a kiss, no matter how much she wants to. After everything they’ve been through, she can’t bring herself to do anything without Lena’s permission and Lena knows it. And she’s relieved when Lena starts to lean in, to close the gap -

Until, despite everything in her screaming to do it - Lena stops herself, as she realizes she doesn’t want the next time their lips meet to be from heightened circumstance or adrenaline. She wants it to be real this time. Grounded. And hundreds of feet in the air - is the furthest thing from that.

“Take me home.” is all Lena can get out, breathless.

Moments later -

They’re landing on Kara’s small balcony. And Lena can’t help but think of how ironic it is that she said ‘home’ and Kara brought her back to her own, as if that’s Lena’s home also. Something about that idea warms her heart. And other parts.

On their short way over, Lena had time to consider what’s happening. What’s about to possibly happen. And nerves start to grow as her feet touch down.

And Kara leans in, pursuing her, backing her up. Or maybe Lena’s pulling her inside. She honestly can’t tell which is happening. Who’s in control. And she doesn’t really care.

Until Kara stops in the window frame, hand coming up to grip it as if stopping herself, stopping them both before they can enter because once they do there's probably no turning back.

But Lena doesn't want to turn back. She leans forward and tilts on her toes to finally, gently - trace Kara’s lips with her own. And their mouths meet. And it’s soft at first. The softest, slowest, most incredible kiss of her life.

It’s everything Lena ever dreamed it would be and more, on those drunken game nights when Kara would smile at her and lean in close in playfulness and she’d wondered what it would be like to kiss her. Now she knew what it was like to kiss Kara Danvers. It’s loving and sensual. The kiss in the bunker was different. It was desperate survival and apology and pain. But this is - something else entirely. It is, in a word - glorious. Kara is _really_, almost shockingly, good at this, Lena notes.

And for Kara, it’s pure relief. And she never wants to let Lena go. And she knows she’d die a thousand times over to save Lena, with no regrets and no hesitation. And it would be worth it because at least before dying, she’d have felt this kiss.

Their foreheads remain close as they finally, barely part. And Lena exhales for the first time as if she’d been holding her breath all night. And then Kara looks at her with those deep blue pools, and they’re darker than she’s ever seen them. And she has the same thought, but Kara beats her to it, surprising her by kissing her more intensely, pulling her against her body again, hungrily as if they can’t get close enough.

Lena’s hands snake up around Kara’s neck.

And before she knows it, Kara’s backing her up further -

Until her backside bumps the table.

And they continue to kiss. It’s still slow, but intense. Hungry. Kara’s tongue begs entrance and Lena readily allows. And if it was glorious before - it’s mind-blowing now and she feels herself tilting back a little and turning to putty in Kara’s hands in a way she’s never felt herself give into anyone before. And she gets lost in their kisses for what could be a few seconds or a few minutes, she honestly doesn’t know.

Her daze continues when Kara’s lips slide off hers, but this time it’s to find her neck and Lena exhales, and lets loose a sound that’s something between a gasp and a moan -

Until she hears the distinctive sound of wood splintering.

And that’s when she realizes Kara’s hands haven’t been on her since they bumped into the table. She looks down and sees Kara gripping it behind Lena on either side of her instead. Kara is white-knuckling, causing the split.

That’s when Lena really registers what’s happening and what Kara is doing and how much she’s having to hold back. And how strong she is. How powerful. And suddenly Lena tenses up. And Kara feels it and she immediately pulls back.

“You okay?” she asks quickly in concern.

“You’re scared to hurt me.” Lena says under a furrowed brow.

“Well… yeah.”

Lena freezes up even more.

“Lena?” Kara asks, concern growing.

“I’m sorry, I -“

“No, I’m sorry.” Kara says, taking a step back, putting an uncomfortable amount of space between them.

“I got carried away. I shouldn’t have-“

“It’s not you. It’s…”

But Lena doesn’t know how to tell her. She doesn’t know how to tell her she’s entirely intimidated. By Kara’s powers. By her body. By her history with Kate. By her own lack of having ever done this before. And as icing on the anxiety cake - by a new secret that lingers between them that comes crashing back to her thanks to the Legion ring resting on the table right by her hand. 

Meanwhile poor Kara just thinks she’s done something wrong.

“I just - could use a shower.” Lena finally blurts, trying to create a believable excuse on the spot.

Kara relaxes a little, but it’s obvious she still doesn’t buy it. Still -

“You could use mine.” she says gesturing. “You don’t have to go.”

Kara doesn’t want her to go. And Lena doesn’t want to go either. She wants to stay. But she’s freaked herself out. “I really shouldn’t. Besides, you need to rest.”

Kara sinks internally, but hides it well and nods -

“Yeah. Sure, okay.” with a forced smile.

And just as she starts to wonder if Lena has regrets or is thinking about the lies again -

Lena practically lunges against her pulling her into a hug of relief and comfort as she whispers “I’m so glad you’re alive.” into Kara’s ear.

Kara smiles, genuinely this time, surprised by the action but still confused as she holds her a moment more and finally musters over Lena's shoulder -

“Ditto”.

And Lena smiles too. And then she releases her and heads for the door.

Just before reaching for the knob - “Sleep well, Kara.” she turns and says, gently. 

Kara still hasn’t moved from her spot by the table. She just nods.

And Lena’s gone. And Kara’s left alone, forcing herself to breathe.

——-

An hour later, Lena stands in the shower, in a daze, remembering the warmth of Kara’s steel body against hers and the feeling of flying in her arms and the sensation of her lips on her own and her tongue tracing at her neck. And as warm water drips across her body, her hand slinks low, past her stomach, dropping to -

No, she can’t. She won’t. Lena stops herself. Because she wants Kara. Not the thought of her while alone, but Kara herself. She just doesn’t know how they'll ever get to that point, with all the conflicting, self-conscious, self-doubting thoughts racing through Lena's head. So she just finishes washing and tiredly crawls into bed, though she knows sleep will elude her entirely.

And the same proves true for Kara, who never gets a bit of that needed rest. She collapses into bed and stares at the ceiling all night long, both excited and exhilarated by the thought of what happened earlier with Lena, but also confused by the turn of events.

And as she replays the evening trying to figure it all out, Kara finally forms a theory.She thinks Lena’s scared of her. Scared she’ll hurt her. In more ways than one. And those thought weigh heavily on Kara until morning.

——-

“Something was… off, last night. With Lena.” Kara says as she hands Alex a coffee across the island.

“What do you mean? Last I saw you two were flying off into the sky making googly eyes at each other. Which, I still don’t know if I’m ever going to get used to, by the way.”

“Alex.” Kara sighs, coming around to instead sit at the dining table.

“_Sorry_. Sorry.” Alex follows, setting her coffee down.“What’s the problem, Kara?” Alex asks, taking a seat and intentionally giving her full attention.

“I’m… not sure.” Kara tries, searching her own brain for the answers as she stares at the table she’d gripped last night.

“Well, it is _really_ new, Kara. For both of you. I mean, her more than you considering you and -“ Alex grimaces, “Kate Kane.”

“ALEX.”

“Look, I'm sorry. Okay. I'm just saying... Lena was _just_ furious with you. She was practically cursing your very existence a couple days ago. Yeah, you saving her life scared her into realizing how much she cared. And hey - I am so glad. I am _so_ glad you have her back. And you're safe.” Alex says, putting her hand on Kara’s before finishing, “But it could take time. You may not be able to rush into things.”

That’s when Alex’s eyes trace down and notice the cracks in Kara’s table.

“What happened to your table?” she asks with a frown.

“Rushing into things.”

“OH MY GOD!” Alex bolts up, practically knocking her chair over behind her.

Kara blushes slightly, but she’s also irked.

“Alex. Did I act like this the first time Maggie slept over? No! I was excited for you.”

“Okay. _Okay_ \- you’re right. I’m being immature. But, in my defense I never liked hearing about my little sister like _that_ with _anybody_. Mon-El or those two idiots before him.”

Kara stifles a laugh at the memories. But then her humor fades. And Alex notices her mood shift. And after having almost lost Kara less than 24 hours ago, she realizes how silly she’s being. So she sits back down. She just does everything she can to avoid looking at or touching the table.

“So - you guys…”

“No. No. Almost. I think. She froze up. Out of nowhere. Except it wasn’t really out of nowhere.”

“What do you mean?”

“She froze up when I -“ Kara gestures to the table, “Did that.”

Alex shifts, uncomfortable.

“I think I scared her, Alex. I think she’s scared to be with me. Scared _of_ me. That I’ll hurt her. And not just physically but - in other ways. I’m worried she still may not fully trust me.”

Alex takes a deep breath, not really knowing how to process or advise on this one. “Okay. Okay. Well… I mean, have you tried talking to her?”

Now Kara pushes up and walks away from the table, which Alex deep down is grateful for. She pushes up and follows her to the living room. Kara spins in frustration, “How am I supposed to talk to her about this, Alex? How can I make her believe that I won’t hurt her. That she’s safe with me. When I don’t even know. Look, I know that I will never lie to her again. Ever. I will never hurt her again in the way I did before. But - as far as that.” she gestures back to the table, “Alex it’s… hard. With her. To… maintain control.”

“Was it hard with Kate?”

“No, because I held back. I mean I let loose, a little, for a second or two, but even then not - _loose_ loose or -“ she can’t finish how she’d have popped Kate’s head like a grape if she had. Nope, that’s way too much for Alex to handle.

“Okay. I hear you.” Alex interrupts, not wanting her to finish the statement either. Alex sits on the arm of the couch.

“Then, just - hold back. Be gentle with her. Take things slow. Not just - with _that_. But with everything. Let her be the one in control. Let her be the one who sets the pace. On talking, on opening up about how she feels. She probably needs that, Kara, after everything.”

Kara looks at Alex with crossed arms, taking this in.

“I mean - there’s a history here, between you and Lena. There is a _lot_ to unpack. And all that doesn’t just disappear in the blink of an eye because you saved her life. You know, emotions were heightened yesterday. Reality may be setting back in.”

“So you think she’s having regrets.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

Kara looks hurt. She sinks to the couch.

“Or maybe not! Maybe not at all! Maybe she really is just thrown off by how new it all is. I mean, I remember that feeling. It’s confusing. And invigorating. And so scary. I mean, you know how it is, from your thing with Kate."

"Not really. I just - dove in. M-metaphorically speaking." Kara quickly corrects, averting her eyes.

"Okay bypassing _that_ and _violently_ purging it from my memory - you can bite me. Because for those of us who _aren't_ fluid Kryptonians, it can be terrifying. But then... it’s freeing. But you gotta work through some stuff first. Both of you. So... give her time.”

Kara sucks in a deep breath and nods. And then gives Alex those soft, grateful eyes of someone just given sound advice from their big sister.

“Come here.” Kara says as she pulls Alex down next to her and hugs her tightly in appreciation.

“Please tell me nothing happened on this couch.”

Kara laughs. “No. ...Not yet.”

“Oh, God. _Kara_.” Alex says, pulling away in humorous disgust as Kara cracks up, head falling back in raucous laughter. And Alex can’t help but melt a little. It feels like forever since she’s seen her sister laugh like this. And she loves the sight of it. So she snuggles up against her, laying her head on her chest as Kara squeezes her tightly. Alex breathes in, eyes closed. Then stops.Her eyes pop open.

“Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"...What’s that smell?”

“That - would be Lena’s perfume.”

“Okay.” Alex pushes off of her and heads for the door, hands in the air, giving up.

“I haven’t had a chance to shower!” Kara hilariously hollers after her.

Kara keeps laughing once Alex is gone. She grabs a pillow and slumps back and thinks on what they spoke about. And then her eye catches her latest painting by the window. Of a Dar-Essa flower. And suddenly - Kara has an idea.

She quickly sits up and snatches her phone off the coffee table, dialing J’onn.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd go ahead and give you a little bit of the next portion. The rest will have to come when life calms down. Stay tuned!

“Pack light.”

That’s what Kara had said to her. That’s all she’d said to her, when she’d texted, asking her to meet her at a random garage on the other side of town for some mysterious trip they were taking.

She and Kara had traveled together before, so she shouldn’t be this nervous. But now, as her driver pulled down a new street, she found her nerves growing and her hand tightly gripping the single, small bag she’d packed. Because this trip was different. Everything was different, now. _They_ were different.

They were no longer platonic girlfriends going on a girls trip, not that they ever had. The trip they’d taken together previously had been to stop her homicidal brother - so not _exactly_ the same thing. Now, after last night, they were anything but platonic. Though they were girlfriends… right? She found herself wondering about this new definition. Kara Danvers… Supergirl… was her _girlfriend_, girlfriend? She suddenly felt as if she couldn’t breathe at the thought, and all it entailed that she hasn’t been able to let herself feel or explore just yet beyond what happened last night. What _almost_ happened. But before she can question or process more -

She notices something familiar about their location.

Lena swallows and takes a breath, as a whole new sense of being confused and overwhelmed bares down on her.

She pushes out and approaches, head tilting as she asks curiously -

“Kara where are we going? And in J’onn’s ship.”

“It’s a surprise.” Kara practically beams, then “Wait, how did you know this was J’onn’s ship?” she asks with a visible crinkle.

Lena’s mouth drops as she searches her brain for the right answer.

“He… mentioned it to me once, when I was at the DEO.” she lies, quickly noting the irony of her deception.

Kara finds this a little odd, but she’s too focused on the task at hand to push further.

“You packed light.” she notes with a pleased smile, gesturing to Lena’s small bag.

“As instructed.” she smiles back.

“Good. So then - you trust me?” Kara’s asking about the trip but the gravity of this question suddenly hits them both.

There’s an awkward, tense beat where Kara regrets asking, until -

“Yes.” Lena says softly.

Kara relaxes. It’s obvious this answer warms her heart. She clears her throat, and readopts her light hearted vibe.

“Then -“ she turns around, opening the passenger door for Lena.

“Hop in.”

Lena takes a breath, and climbs into the convertible.

A moment later, they’ll pulling away from the garage. They drive for a brief moment, until Kara glances around, pushes a button - and off they blast into the sky.

Though she’s felt it before, the sudden shift into a spaceship and fast ascension in a flash takes Lena’s breath away.

Kara’s a bit of a lead foot, which is somewhat surprising but also - not at all.

In an instant, they’re above the sky, breaking the atmosphere, and then in the heavens. This time for Lena, there’s less urgency. This time she can enjoy the incredible view.

She finds herself relaxing as Kara drives the ship.

Lena glances over in time to see Kara remove her glasses, no longer needing them.

And she can’t help but notice just how beautiful she is, dressed as Kara Danvers, but with no frames on her face.

Kara catches her staring, those deep blues somehow more stunning than the millions of stars surrounding her. 

“This may be a bit sudden, but - I think it could help.”

“Help?”

“I want to show you my world, Lena. I want you to see my people. To… see me.”

Lena frowns curiously, until she follows Kara’s stare out -

To the quickly approaching floating rock. Or so it looks like a rock, but only for an instant, until it becomes clear and she realizes - it’s the small, dome-covered remains of a planet. Lena’s lips part at the sight -

\- _of ARGO_. 

Lena remains caught somewhere between shock and complete awe as they touch down.

And when her feet step onto Argo grass - she finally exhales.

“It’s incredible.” she says peering out at the city.

Kara takes her bag from her, a small act that, like opening the door for her, Lena finds endearingly chivalrous.

But the city. Lena can’t help but immediately look back at the city and its demonstration of advanced technology beyond anything she’s ever dreamed up at L-Corp.

Kara watches her a moment, seeing Argo through Lena’s eyes is something she was looking forward to and now that it’s happening, she can’t help but smile. The fingers on her free hand twitch and extend, and she’s about to take Lena’s hand and speak, until -

“Kara?” Alura’s voice calls out.

Kara turns and her smile widens.

She greets her mother with a warm, tight hug.

Lena hangs back, swallowing nervously.

She’s met Alura before, but as noted before - things were different now. Now she’s _meeting her mother_.

“Mom. You remember Lena.”

Kara re-introduces the two.

“Of course. Argo’s own personal hero.”

“I’m sorry?” Lena chokes out.

“The formula you provided for creating more Harun-El? It’s meant so much for our people.” Alura says before turning to Kara, “We’ve made incredible strides in medicine and technology since we’ve seen you last, Kara. We’ve almost completely restored Argo back to the world we once knew.” then back to Lena, “And it’s all because of you. I know I’ve said it before, but - thank you, Lena. Thank you so much.” Alura finishes, hands clamping on hers for effect.

“O-of course. I’m… happy to have helped.”

Lena can’t believe it. She could almost cry, being so genuinely thanked for her contribution in such a significant way.

The moment warms Kara’s heart. She wasn’t expecting things to start off this well.

Then Alura looks to Kara.

“Not that my daughter ever needs a reason to come home, but is everything alright?”

“Yeah, no everything’s fine. We just um… I just…” she doesn’t really even know where to begin.

“Kara!” a voice booms suddenly from behind.

She turns to see Clark approaching, Lois beside him and a young baby boy in her arms.

Lena instantly recognizes them - from before. Before she came back. She swallows down her nerves.

Kara rushes right over, “Oh my gosh who is THIS?!” she practically screeches.

“This, is Jonathan Samuel Kent.”

Kara practically melts at the name and the sight of him. The baby smiles when she touches his face, instantly taking a liking to Kara.

Lena stays back, letting them share the moment which Alura has joined in on.

“Ms. Luthor.” he says in surprise suddenly when he spots her, then glances to Kara before finishing, “I can honestly say I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” he looks to Kara again, curiously.

Lena suddenly can’t help herself, her head tilting, “My goodness, the glasses really do change everything.”

“Uh-“

“She knows, Kal.”

He looks at Kara quizzically. Her slight nod indicates it’s okay and asks him to be nice all at the same time. So despite any reservations about a Luthor knowing, he has no choice but to accept.

“Well, welcome to Argo, Ms -

“Lena, please.” she corrects.

“Lois - uh, this is Lena. Lena, this is Lois Lane.” Kara chimes in.

“Hey, nice to meet you!” Lois greets warmly.

“It’s wonderful to meet you.”

“I was just asking Kara what brings her back to Argo.”

Kara again is at a loss for how to answer that.

“I - just wanted to show Lena where I came from.”

Alura’s head tilts curiously at this.

Lois’s eyes squint as she looks from Kara to Lena and back again and she’s the first to suspect something.

“So, who’s watching Earth?” Clark asks, curiously.

“Uhhh… J’onn. Alex and The DEO. Dreamer. Brainy -”

“Okay, I get it. It’s in good hands.” he chuckles. Then glances at Lois before continuing, “But, they won’t have to hold down the fort on their own for very long, because you could not have come at a more perfect time. Lois and I were actually headed back today. We want to introduce this lil guy to his grandparents.”

Kara beams at the thought and engages the baby again. Again it grins widely. Lena sees and she melts a little at the sight. And Lois notices. And that’s when it hits her.

“You should stay at our place while we’re gone.” Lois suddenly blurts.

Clark looks at her oddly, and he’s confused. Kara meanwhile has never been more thankful for Lois.

“I - yeah, I mean you’re totally welcome to, I just figured you’d be staying with your mother.”

“Of course, I have have plenty of room for you both.” Alura assures warmly.

Kara’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. She doesn’t know how to respond, “Uh -“

Again Lois chimes in -

“Right but you’re just so busy Alura, with the council and the big festival planning, remember? Kara and Lena will probably be coming and going a lot, exploring the city, so having their own place while they’re here would be better for everybody.” she says, giving Clark a look.

Clark still isn’t getting it.

So Lois glares.

“Oh.” it starts to sink in. He looks from Kara to Lena and back again. “OH. Uh - yeah. No I think you’ll love our place, we - we have that view.” he says nodding at Lois, who nods along, relieved he’s finally with her. Though he’s still visibly shell-shocked. He definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“The view. Yeah. You can’t beat our view. Sorry, Alura.” she jokes playfully.

Alura chuckles. “Lois-“

“I - I love a view. I’ve always loved a view.” Kara finally says, before casting a glance to Lois that says ‘thank you’. To which Lois simply nods. 

Lena meanwhile, has barely moved. This entire exchange has been beyond awkward, and as for the implications - it’s a lot. She swallows, feeling overwhelmed at the idea of she and Kara in a house alone together for however long they’re on Argo. There’s a small part of her that almost wants to butt in and push to stay with Alura, to give into the part of her that’s freaked out and nervous about being alone with Kara.

But then Kara removes her jacket, slinging it over her arm and picking Lena’s bag back up from the spot she’d set it down. And her arms are on full display, and she runs a free hand through her hair, and suddenly she can’t think about anything else besides having an entire house alone with Kara.

“Well, whatever you’d prefer, my love.” Alura says with a sudden kiss to Kara’s cheek. “I’m just so glad to have you home again.”

And then they all turn and head for the city.

Lois gives Clark an elbow to the side, “Could you be any slower, Kansas.”

“I just never would’ve thought!” he says with a lost shrug.

They speak in hushed tones as they walk ahead of the rest of the group, followed by Alura who still has no idea.

“You coming?” she says over shoulder.

“Be right behind you.” Kara hollers.

“Sorry, about all that. That was -“

“Awkward?” Lena says with a chuckle.

“Little bit, yeah.”

A moment passes. They both shift. Kara speaks first, “Listen Lena… I hope you know, I don’t - I don’t expect anything to… I mean you don’t have to feel pressured… I just want you to be comfortable. To see where I come from. That’s all. That’s why I brought you here. I don’t even want you to think about anything - else.”

Lena takes this in. She knows Kara is being genuine.

“Okay.” she says, gently accepting. Even though deep down she knows THAT is all she’s going to be thinking about. Even though the thought of it and all the confusion and hesitation and concerns surrounding it are absolutely consuming her.

Kara can tell she’s still uneasy. So she just adopts a chipper tone and gestures “Come on. Let’s see the many wonders you’ve brought to Argo.” she grins.

This breaks the ice once more. Lena blushes.  
“Alright.” she finally says, strolling side by side with Kara towards the city.

Kara glances over as they approach, and becoming overwhelmed by Lena here with her, she can’t help herself.She slips her hand into Lena’s, and just like when she’d awoken at the DEO, their fingers interlace. And it's the most incredible feeling. For both of them. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More revelations. Some truly beautiful declarations. And some science-bonding fluff. I told you the good times were coming. ;) And you know what comes next. Stay tuned for THAT. 
> 
> In the meantime I hope you enjoy. And as always, feedback appreciated!

As Clark finishes packing up their things, Lois makes some kind of strange tea in the kitchen. Its floral fragrance fills the air and somehow relaxes Lena’s nerves as she stands close to her at the counter, now dressed in the most comfortable, long white gown she’s ever worn. Kara had practically frozen when she'd walked out in it a few minutes ago, her eyes tracing up and down Lena's body, involuntarily. Lena couldn't help but smile slightly at the reaction it had elicited, before telling her she looked beautiful with so much love it almost melted Lena right there.

She and Lois watch Kara holding little Jonathan while they adorably pretend to help Clark. Lois slides a cup of tea over.

“Thank you.” Lena says and she means it in more ways than one, as she’s grateful she’s not the only human on this planet.

They sip their teas and continue to watch the Kryptonians. Lois glances over at Lena, as now _she_ can’t take her eyes off _Kara_, in those soft white beach pants and a loose matching blouse, that much like her own dress, somehow still hugs all the right curves. And without her glasses, which is still such a new thing to her. Watching Kara as Kara, without any pretense or mask, existing as simply Kara Zor-El... she really is _so._ _Beautiful_. 

“When did you know?” Lois suddenly says with a sip.

Lena frowns curiously, until she realizes - she’s asking when Lena caught feelings.

“Oh, um - recently.”

Lois’s head tilts. She obviously doesn’t believe her. Lena smiles inwardly, thinking back. And as embarrassing as it is to say it out loud, this feels like a safe space.

“As Kara? If I’m being honest… the first time I saw her.” she begins, gently, “And as Supergirl - “ Lena gets lost in the heated memory, “The first time she caught me. Literally. In her arms.” she makes a quick gesture, palms up.

“Yep, sounds about right.” Lois agrees, knowing that feeling all too well.

“Those powers…” Lena reminisces, “They can be-“

“Intimidating?” Lois interrupts before finishing, “_Yes_ they can.”

Lena’s eyebrow cocks in memories. Doesn’t she know it.

Lois smirks, “But in the bedroom…”

Lena almost chokes on her tea, “Oh we - we haven’t… yet.”

Lois’s eyes go wide, “Oh! I’m sorry. I just assumed.”

Lena shifts.

Lois shrugs, “Well listen when you’re back on Earth you should totally give it a try. But -“ Lois lowers her voice, “Word of advice, with Kryptonians… try not to work ‘em up too much, with too much foreplay.”

Lena can’t believe she’s talking about this so openly as Lois continues, “I mean they’ll do it for you forever if you need it, but for them it’s like supercharging an atom bomb - and you do not wanna be there when they blow.”

Lena’s skin flushes red and Lois instantly realizes how that sounded, correcting, “Not like that!” she corrects, also a tad red-faced herself, before finishing, “But I do mean the power. The strength, even when they hold back, it can be - a lot.”

“Yeah, I got that feeling…” Lena says remembering what happened to Kara’s table.

“Just - let them do what what they need to do to protect you.” Lois says, “Because they will. They always do."

Lena looks over at Kara fondly, “Yeah.” she says gently.

“It’s a different story here though, obviously.” Lois says suddenly.

Lena looks at her oddly, not understanding.

“Not having their powers? It’s why we came here. So that baby didn’t tear a hole in my stomach the first time he kicked.”

Lena can’t believe it. She had no idea Kara had no abilities here. Her mouth drops open a little. And it’s a fact that should put Lena at ease, evening the playing field, in a sense. And there’s something exciting about it that sends a shocking heat through her body. But when she thinks about being with Kara in that way, despite the desire, there’s still so much hesitation. Maybe it’s because Kara’s so frustratingly perfect. And has experience with women that Lena lacks. Or maybe it's because she was _just_ with Kate. Or that Lena's new to the acceptance of these feelings. Or it could be that Lena’s secret lingers between them. But since Lena knows her own mind just loves to mess with her and she’s her own worst enemy, she knows - _it’s all of the above_.

She tries to process everything as Kara finally turns from Clark, who’s just taken Jonathan from her arms with a goofy bounce.

Kara approaches the kitchen with an excited grin. “You ready?”

The double meaning for Lena forces her to swallow. “I’m sorry?” she asks nervously.

“To see Argo.” Kara finishes.

Lena breathes. Lois can’t help but notice her hard swallow. “Oh she’s _dying_ to.” she chimes in, intentionally suggestive, to both Kara and Clark’s obliviousness. 

Lena looks over at Lois, glaring. _Did she really just…_

Lois smiles at Lena with an evil sly grin.

“Come on, you guys can walk us to the ship.” she finishes with a chipper excitement.

Kara beams at the idea, matching Clark’s huge smile, both clueless to the inferences between Lois and Lena.

\-----

Having said their goodbyes over an hour ago, Kara and Lena now stroll through the city just the two of them. And as Lena takes it all in, Kara takes her in. Seeing Argo through Lena’s eyes is the most incredible feeling.

Kara honestly can’t believe she’s even here with her. Only days before, Lena was cold and distant and wanted nothing to do with her. Now, Lena stands at her side, arms interlocked and with something new between them that Kara had dreamed of for the longest time, even before she knew exactly what it was. The irony isn't lost on her, that not long ago, Lena had lined her apartment with lead to keep Kara away. To keep her from even _seeing_ her. Now, she lets her guide her, their bodies so close and Kara’s hand occasionally slipping to the small of Lena's back as she leads her between buildings and through the market.

And for Lena, well, she’s in pure awe the whole time. As they’d first walked to Clark’s place, Lena had marveled briefly at the technology, but her nerves and the newness of it all, surrounded by Kara’s mother and cousin and everyone else - had overtaken any ability to really process or appreciate it. Now however, with Kara pointing out familiar places and things, telling her about her life before, opening up in a way she’s never known, she can’t help but be struck with wonder. And she’s suddenly more comfortable than she’s possibly ever been. And when multiple Kryptonians’ mouths drop after Kara introduces her, and they shake her hand or even hug her tightly and thank her for the Harun-El formula the same way Alura had, it’s incredible.

Argo is proving to be a haven for Lena, a place where people view her as the hero who gave them a better future, a place with people who don’t know her family or last name or history. They only have positive views of her, and it allows her the ability to finally relax, for possibly the first time in her life. And she’s so grateful to Kara for this gift.

Here on Argo, she’s quickly discovering through casual conversation that she can just be a scientist amongst scientists, a thinker amongst thinkers. It’s somewhere she can just give into the use of her mind and be at peace, and not be struggling to prove herself to anybody. It’s also a bit of a relief, being on a planet where she’s not the smartest person in the room trying to prove the value of that to a world that respects might over mind. Argo is beautiful. And being here, with Kara by her side, strong hand on the small of her back, leading her through buildings and the market, Lena can’t help but feel something she’s never felt before - at home. 

——-

“This was your father’s lab?” Lena asks softly, taking it all in as they stand in the dimly, almost romantically lit room.

“It was. It is. Everything’s the same. Just as I remember it.”

Lena watches warmly as Kara walks the parameter, running a hand over the consoles.

“What was he working on?”

“Oh, all sorts of things.” Kara recalls with a smile.

And she proceeds to list off a slew of scientific words and phrases Lena never knew she’d even heard of, let alone knew how to say correctly. And she speaks about it with such authority, that Lena is left in utter shock.Her mouth drops and a frown comes to her face.

“What?” Kara suddenly stops her scientific ramble, due to Lena's odd expression.

“You _do_ know what quantum entanglement is.” Lena says with slight accusation.

Kara’s caught. She nods with a smile, finishing for Lena, “And... polyatomic anions.”

Lena crosses her arms and takes a step closer.

“So, when everyone at the DEO is standing around talking science and technology?”

“I… let them play their part. And then I go punch things.” she shrugs.

Lena still can’t believe it. She shakes her head.

“Kara, that’s an incredible waste. You have a _brilliant_ mind.”

“_You_ have a brilliant mind. I’m - just a Kryptonian.”

Lena’s head tilts as if to say _come on_.Kara’s flattered, but she feels compelled to explain.

She takes a breath and once again starts to stroll the edges of the lab, practically encircling Lena, who turns and follows her every move and hangs on her every word.

“My first week of school after arriving on Earth… there was this test. This huge, grade-defining, hour long math exam that they were going to let me sit out since I was new, but I wanted to take anyway, so I could be like everybody else. And I did, take it. And… I aced it.” she shifts awkwardly, “In - about three and a half minutes.”

Lena lets out an impressed scoff of disbelief.

“And?”

“And, Alex - who was the smartest one in her grade, had taken the same test the year before. And she’d gotten a got a B+.”

Lena starts to realize where this is going, as Kara continues -

“Everybody made such a big deal out of how I'd done. And, they wanted to bump me up.”

“To Alex’s grade?”

“_Past_ Alex’s grade. And - I just saw the look on her face.” 

“So you started playing dumb.” Lena says with a nod.

“I’d invaded her life enough already. To breeze through what was so difficult for her, and everyone else... It was just easier taking a back seat. Letting Alex have the - science brain spotlight.”

Lena takes this in with obvious sympathy. Kara suddenly sighs, fiddling with a device on her father’s desk as she leans back against it.

“I’ve never told anyone that before. Especially Alex. It’s the only secret between us.”

Lena’s touched she told her, but also starting to realize just how much of herself Kara had to bury to fit in on Earth for so long. And it breaks her heart. It also makes her start to think back and realize just how one-sided their friendship has always been. How Kara had never confided in her before, not just about being Supergirl, but about anything.

She'd just always been there for _her_. She’d always been a source of comfort for _Lena_, never the other way around. And that realization hits Lena like a brick, making her feel guilty and self-conscious all at once, like maybe Kara thought she couldn’t handle anything. Hell, she didn’t think she could tell her how she felt or be with her even, not that she would've let her before, and thus she’d gone instead to Kate.

So now Lena found herself wondering, once again, in a frustratingly daunting new way, if she’s good enough for Kara - as a confidant, and friend, and obviously, as considered so heavily before, a lover. It overwhelms Lena for a brief minute. But in this moment, standing here alone with Kara in this incredible place she once walked as a child, with Kara’s fingers tracing that device on her father’s desk with such gentility and fondness, she realizes -

This is her chance to change all of that. So Lena steps closer.

“Kara you shouldn’t have to hide who you are to avoid hurting someone else.”

The weight of these words bares down on them both.

“Even if losing them is worse than losing a part of yourself?” Kara asks, tentative. This strikes Lena deeply. Her eyes water. She knows exactly how it feels to lose someone. After all, she lost _her_. But Kara’s returned to her now, thanks to her own doing. She’s right in front of her. In this incredible place. In this _safe_ place.

“Kara, I think... I think I’m gay.” Lena says suddenly, out of nowhere. And she waits. Looking to Kara, almost questioningly, as if Kara holds the confirmation.

Kara’s face shifts ever so slightly, a loving smile hinting at the corner of her lips. But aside from that, there’s little to no reaction. _In the best way_. And it allows Lena the safety of considering the words that had just escaped her lips, realizing it felt better than she thought it would. Her shoulders drop a little, as if a literal weight has been lifted.

"I think I’ve been running from it my whole life.” Lena continues, taking another step closer, “I think I’ve been running from a lot of things.” she finishes, looking at Kara with a tender longing.

Kara pushes off the desk and steps up to Lena, closely. Invading her space in a way that sends a wave of heat through Lena’s body.

They hover near each other for a long moment, faces drawing closer. But Kara holds back. As much as she wants to kiss Lena in this moment, she wants anything they do here to be Lena’s choice. At her pace. And only what she’s comfortable with.Kara’s intention in bringing Lena here was simply to help her relax and feel free to open up in any way she needed. And Kara is beyond honored she just has, about this. But that’s enough. It can absolutely be enough, if that’s all Lena wants.

Kara’s hand lightly makes contact with Lena’s, but she doesn’t take it. She just wants the closeness. They both look down at the sides of their hands tracing lightly against each others’.

Lena’s emeralds then find Kara’s deep blues and for the longest moment - she just stares into Kara’s eyes.And there’s a truth between them, here and now.

Kara looks at Lena like she’s the most beautiful thing she’s seen in any galaxy, and Lena looks at Kara like the Kryptonian can give her the galaxy. And beyond. And she knows she can. And would. _And has_.

Lena’s gaze finds its way to Kara’s lips. And it’s the strangest feeling. It’s like they’re about to have their first kiss. Even though they already have. More than once. The memories wash over Lena and it’s all she wants to feel again. So she does - 

Lena narrows the gap with a tilt of her head, catching Kara’s lips with her own, soft and tentative. Kara melts a little and Lena lets out the slightest sigh of contentment. Neither have ever known this kind of a feeling before. As if every time their lips meet is the first.

Lena’s hands snake up around Kara’s neck and Kara pulls her close as her hands land on Lena’s waist, then slip further, arriving to the small of her back, as they had so many times today, but now it's to gently press them together.

And there they stand in each other’s arms, calmly enjoying the feel and newness of it. Unlike the previous time they were entangled in Kara’s apartment, this is filled with more love than lust.

Their kisses are long, soft and languid. And both feel like they could do this for eternity. And they're so lost in it that maybe they have, until -

“Oh I’m s— I’m sorry.” a gasping voice causes them to pause.

They remain close, despite immediately ending their entanglement -

As Alura stands in the doorway looking shocked, an expression she very quickly replaces with a polite smile.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Alura says, glancing from one to the other.

Lena suddenly steps back, almost in shame - but Kara grabs her hand, as if she’s not about to let Lena feel anything but love right now.

Alura’s eyes trace down, noticing this gesture.

“Kara, may I speak with you?” she says light, but secretly weighted with something more.

Lena swallows and looks at Kara.

“I’ll meet you back at Clark's.” Kara says assuringly.

Lena nods and slips past Alura.

Kara crosses her arms, but not defensively. It’s more apologetic than anything.

“I’d hoped to talk to you about it first - “ Kara tries, wishing she'd found out a better way, but Alura interrupts -

“Walk with me.”

It’s spoken with agentility that makes Kara a little less nervous. _But only a little._

Kara takes a breath and she nods, following her mother out of the lab.

The walk is endless, and they barely speak for the longest time, until they wind up strolling along the extended deck that wraps around Clark’s place just as daylight begins to disappear over the horizon and the most incredible purple-orange haze fills the sky.

“We’ve walked all of Argo, mom. If you have something to say…“ Kara starts.

Neither know that Lena is just inside, having almost walked past the window but stopped herself when she caught sight of them. She hangs back, by the wall, hidden. And despite herself, Lena listens in.

“Kara, I just…” Alura tries. She’s not a woman who usually lacks the right words. The fact that she does now, grows Kara’s worry. A familiar crinkle forms at her brow and she starts to shake her head.

“You said Lena was - our own personal hero. So I-I don’t understand.” Kara tries.

Inside, Lena sinks, knowing what this must be about.

Alura sighs and looks out over Argo briefly.

“Yes, Kara. Lena has helped us, tremendously. For a human, she has an incredible mind. But our families have a history.”

Kara sinks now, arms crossing once again. This time defensively. And her jaw sets.

“Kal-El has told us all about it.”

_Of course he did._ Kara's teeth grind and she makes a mental note to consider punching him in his perfect jaw the next time she sees him. Her mother continues -

“How would she react if she ever felt you betrayed her, Kara?” Kara looks out to Argo now as well. Because - 

“I already know. How she’d react. And we’ve worked through it.” she assures.

“I just want you to be safe, Kara. I just want you to be happy. And to find your true match.”

Kara shakes her head and steps closer.

“I’ll never be safe, mom. Not doing what I do to protect Earth. But I can be happy. And I have found my true match.” Kara says, pleading gently for her mother to understand, as with a sense of finality, she admits -

“It’s her.”

Still hidden, Lena practically gasps at this declaration.

“It always has been.” Kara continues, “It just took me awhile to see it.”

And then Kara turns and grips the railing, leaning forward a bit as she waxes poetic -

“Lena… inspires me. She _challenges_ me. She - understands what it’s like to go through so much. Lose so much. And just. Keep. Going. And you know sometimes I - sometimes I feel so out of step with everyone around me. Like I don’t belong anywhere. Not really.”

This break’s Alura’s heart.

And Kara’s eyes start to water now. And behind the wall, Lena’s match.

“I’ve spent my whole life stuck between two worlds. But with her…” Kara pushes off the rail, turning to look directly at her mother.

“I’m home.”

All the air leaves Lena’s lungs as a tear rolls down her porcelain cheek. But the incredible feeling halts briefly, and Lena holds her breath, awaiting Alura’s reaction.

Alura lowers her head, taking in Kara’s truth. After a moment - 

She steps closer, once again meeting Kara’s tearful gaze. She reaches forward and gently moves a long lock of Kara’s hair.

“Then you’ve found your match.” she says with finality. With acceptance. And with nothing but love.

Kara closes the gap and hugs her mother, tightly.

And finally, Lena breathes. And her head tilts back against the wall in relief, as a beautiful feeling of comfort and joy washes over her.

_They’re both each other’s home._ Not Earth, not Argo, not their families or friends. _Each other_.Kara’s always understood Lena in a way no one else has, and now, after being here, she understands Kara better than probably anyone.

Alura slips away, closing the short gate to the deck behind her, and Kara is left standing alone for a moment.

Until she turns and finds Lena at the window, watching her. And she takes a deep breath and looks at Lena with so much love that Lena never wants to look away. And when the newfound light of two moons in the sky happen to catch Kara’s hair and cut through her stunning blue eyes so perfectly - it's like a dream. _She's_ like a dream. 

Lena takes a slow step to the edge of the glass, into the open air.

And she reaches a hand out.

And Kara steps forward and takes it.

And Kara only understands what’s happening when Lena pulls her closer, and then starts to back up, bringing Kara with her.

“Lena, we don’t have to-“

But Lena silences her with a finger to her lips.

Lena’s heart starts to pound, and breath starts to increase, as she swallows down any nerves she has left -

And brings her slim fingers to the silky material draped across her collarbone, slipping it over her own shoulders and letting it drop, so she stands fully nude before Kara in the hue of approaching nightfall. And it takes her own breath away, exposing herself to Kara in her entirety without hesitation.

Kara’s lips drop open and this time it’s her turn to stare in awe as a single heavy breath escapes her lips.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've been waiting for. And since I put everyone through SO much angst... it only felt right to give a healthy heap of fluffy smut. Or smutty fluff. Or smluff.

Despite how hard she tries not to, Kara lets her gaze slowly cast all the way down and back up Lena’s nude body. And _wow. _Kara tries to swallow, but can’t seem to find the ability.

It’s really happening. Everything she’s wanted for so long. And she finds herself frozen. She knows what to do. She knows what she wants to do, desperately. But she’s afraid that somehow, if she dares to move now, even an inch, she’ll blow it. She has a tendency to do that with Lena a lot lately. And she doesn’t fully trust herself not to hurt her. To break her. And despite not having powers here, she’s still somehow afraid she’ll do just that.

And it seems so crazy to be so hesitant, given the events the transpired before at her apartment. But last time they came close to being together in this way, Kara was was driven by adrenaline-fueled relief after almost dying and waking to find Lena had forgiven her, and then flying with her. And that night Kara had nearly lost control. Something she knows she doesn’t have to worry about here. And she keeps saying it to herself over and over ‘_it’s okay, you don’t have powers, just move. just move. touch her. kiss her. take her._’ yet still - she can’t.

Lena waits, staring at Kara with a look of expectation and slight nerves which she hides well. She wants Kara to take control. But she sees something that surprises her now. Hesitation.

So Lena steps forward and Kara takes a breath and holds it - as Lena reaches out and takes Kara’s hands in hers and guides them to her hips. And when Kara’s fingers make contact with Lena’s bare skin, despite their fairly innocent location, the tension of this moment and feel of Kara’s strong, rough, warm hands on her bare skin in the cool breeze elicits a slight breathy sound from Lena as she closes her eyes. She can’t help it. She’s fantasized about this. About Kara’s hands on her in an intimate way like this. She realizes in this moment just how obsessed with them she's always been. And now they’re on her. As she stands naked and waiting.

The permissive nature of Lena’s actions gently awakens something in Kara, snapping her out of her daze. And she finally breathes, as Lena slips her own hands up Kara’s arms and around her neck, her eyes begging Kara and finally - Kara leans in, and the moment their lips meet, Kara’s hands slip down and finds soft flesh just under Lena’s bottom and lifts. And before Lena knows what's happening she’s wrapped at Kara’s hips, briefly walked, and suddenly laid back into the bed, ever so gently.

She looks up at Kara in confusion, “I thought you don’t have your powers here…” Lena asks quietly.

“I don’t.” Kara huffs low, hovering over her. And Kara’s never been more aware of her own beating heart than in this moment, as Lena flushes from head to toe over the realization that it was all just Kara, and her natural strength. _Wow_…

Lena suddenly wants nothing more than to feel Kara’s taught, olive skin against her own soft, pale body so she pulls at the hem of Kara’s blouse, and Kara pulls back enough to lift it up and strip it off with only one arm, before sitting up fully on her knees and looking at Lena like she’s never seen anything more beautiful, as if Kara's own body - isn’t absolutely insane. Key emphasis on _AB_.

Lena drinks _Kara_ in now with her eyes. Her small but somehow perfect-sized bare chest, and the perfectly toned cut of her stomach and hips, which are, quite literally - out of this world. Lena grunts in lust and pulls Kara down closer to her as her hands reach lower and start to push Kara’s pants down at the side and rear and Kara readily slinks out of them, white panties lost along with it, and Lena does her best not to pass out at the thought and too-quick glance she gets before Kara lowers herself down and closer to Lena.

Ironically they’ve yet to kiss again since Kara had lifted her. All they’ve really done is align their bodies and stare at each other and breathe hard -

Until Kara finally connects their centers, slowly lowering herself down between Lena's legs, finding a comfortable tilt against her and it’s a glorious feeling for the both of them. Kara’s hands grip the sheets on either side of Lenas head, trying to take it slow and Lena appreciates it, so she leans up and finally kisses her again.

It intensifies a little. And Lena rolls over on top of Kara, and runs hands through blonde locks as Kara sits up and Lena is now perched atop her lap. And they continue their kisses, slow and sweet, almost in the same way as they did in the lab. _Almost_.

Lena can’t believe how intimate this is, their nude skin pressed together in this embrace. '_Kara’s body'_, the words echo in her mind. Kara, her best friend. Supergirl, Earth’s hero. This isn't a dream or fantasy. She’s _actually_ naked on her naked lap, their chests pressed firmly together and if there was ever any turning back from being with Kara in such an intimate way, that chance is over now. They’re officially bonded forever. And it’s incredible and nearly overwhelming, and Lena could just do this for hours and be perfectly happy.

Lena is now realizing her new favorite thing in the world - is kissing Kara. And based on her skilled tongue and soft, endlessly hungry lips that never seem to want to leave Lena’s, it’s obviously the same for Kara. With this, for Lena, there’s no pressure, only complete closeness and comfort and an unassuming, unthreatening sensuality.

Until Kara is suddenly holding Lena in place with one ridiculously flexed arm wrapped all the way around her waist, and the other swooping her raven hair back so she can trail kisses to Lenas neck, and then down to her collar bone - before hungrily casting her eyes to Lena’s chest. And suddenly Kara’s hand slides down and squeezes Lena’s ass, pulling their centers somehow closer still and punctuating it with a slight grind, the intensity of the moment instantly skyrocketing - and it’s too much, things suddenly shifting from intimate to erotic - and Lena locks up. And Kara feels her freeze and she halts.

“We can stop.” Kara says quick, looking up at Lena with a flushed face of concern.

Kara feels terrible that she pushed them further than Lena was ready to go, and Lena knows it. And she hates her own body’s ridiculous defense mechanisms, and so she just shakes her head and as she stares down at Kara from her spot straddling her lap, while she grips Kara at the neck, a thumb coming forward to trace the line of her jaw, she says the only thing she can breathlessly muster before fully chickening out-

“Shut up, Kara.”

And Lena again kisses her. And that’s all Kara needs. That’s all she’s ever wanted from Lena: permission. Acceptance. It drives Kara, and all she desires in this moment is to worship Lena Luthor. To make her feel good. Good in the way she deserves. And, maybe even to make her cry out her name. The same name she’d spoken so coldly for months. Kara wants so badly to hear it uttered now in the throes of passion. 

So Kara tilts and moves forward, leaning Lena back to the bed and hovering atop her again, before dropping her gaze again, and finally being able to land her lips at Lena’s perked and increasingly heaving chest. And a tongued kiss causes Lena to gasp, and then grunt when she moves to the other briefly before slipping further down.

Kara drops lower and and lower, trailing rough fingertips and soft lips down Lena’s stomach.

Lena thinks her heart may burst out of her chest at the thought of what comes next. But before she can even prepare herself or wonder what it’s going to feel like -

\- wetness meets wetness as there’s a generous lick along her core. And it’s insane. Glorious. _Life changing_. Lena’s hips react instantly, arching up as a gurgle escapes her throat.

But Kara pins her hips back down with those strong hands, and runs her tongue along Lena again before finding the perfect spot like a heat seeking missile - the spot so many men before had struggled to even bother or come close to finding, and as she works Lena with her tongue, Lena can’t believe it. She can't believe that _Kara_ is currently buried between her thighs, doing _this_ to her.

Lena's eyes start to roll back in her head and she’s only brought back to Earth, er, Argo when two fingertips trace her tentatively and she nods desperately, knowing what’s being asked without even having to look down, and Kara enters her with those strong, veiny fingers - and Lena suddenly has no breath in her lungs, and with what few brain cells she has that remain active, she wonders how someone who only started doing this so recently could be so insanely, incredibly skilled at it. 

Then again she’s also the best kisser in the galaxy so she figures Kara must just be great at everything, especially anything involving the mouth and tongue, and whether that’s a Kryptonian talent or a Kara talent, she doesn’t know. And doesn’t care. Because when Kara suddenly curls her fingers and works her slow and steady but firm and precise, hitting that inner spot a few times before suddenly adding a third digit at the exact perfect time and thrusting knuckle deep to make Lena feel full - Lena sees white. It comes almost out of nowhere after the fastest build up she’s ever had.

And with a gurgled “KA-“ Lena desperately grips Kara’s hair with one hand and wrist with the other to halt her, as she’s struck the perfect spots and Lena needs her to just stay. right. there. so Kara simply presses harder with both her tongue and fingers, not moving them, just applying more pressure, and she holds and she waits, eyes rolling up to watch Lena with lust and love as the veins in Lena's forehead and neck strain and Lena is frozen in an endless, back-arching lurch, maintaining the longest explosion of pleasure she’s ever felt and certainly never thought possible, and without any further movement no less. Because that’s how worked up she was. That’s how _good_ Kara was.

And Kara knows it. And while Lena didn’t scream her name, she certainly tried to. And she couldn’t._ And that’s even better._

Kara feels her own slickness increasing at the thought, her own core throbbing in need as tears suddenly come to Lena's eyes and she finally breaks past that suffocating wave - and then Lena collapses back and trembles, breath audibly shaking with her still pulsing, jerking body which has suddenly become independent of her brain, as if entirely foreign and uncontrollable, a disconnect she’s never felt before in her life.

And before she can reopen her eyes to try to recover, once her inner walls have ceased their contractions, Kara slips out of her and her lips are suddenly on hers and the weight of Kara's body is a stilling comfort against her own, willing Lena to calm, loving her to a peaceful aftermath.

She tastes herself on Kara’s lips and tongue and Lena clutches Kara's face in her hands, pouring all the gratitude in the world into a series of sloppy kisses -

Until Lena finally regains her composure, somewhat. And suddenly she’s a little more brave and so she slinks a hand down between them, finding Kara’s aching, hot center between their bodies. And she gently, slowly, agonizingly rubs - maybe because she can’t yet move much more than that, or because she doesn’t know what else to do just yet, but Kara gasps and grunts something barely discernible. She thinks it’s maybe an “_oh god, Lena_” but she’s not sure as Kara starts to rock against her palm, using the friction of Lena's hand trapped between their bodies to work herself up, Kara undulating her body in a series of very precise, sensual grinding humps and half-thrusting hip rolls between Lena’s legs, even pulling one of them higher and tighter against her waist, as if she’s fucking Lena and not the other way around.

Lena can’t help but think how these same exact movements would feel with certain phallic object involved, strapped to Kara. And at the thought, Lena’s breathing becomes hurried and her nails dig into Kara’s back, threatening to break skin. And Kara’s never been more grateful to not have her powers as she’s able to respond by applying more pressure while she grinds against that moving hand, as Lena’s fingers rub in tiny, increasingly-paced circles.

Lena swears she hears expletives escape Kara’s lips now, which she’s never heard from her before. And she can’t believe she’s doing this to Kara, making her come so undone.

“_Kara_-“ Lena pleads as if trying to pull her onward, willing her to join her over the edge. And Kara doesn’t make eye contact, because she’s lost in the moment, her other hand instinctively reaching to grip the headboard, and it actually doesn’t bend or break under her white knuckling, as Lena’s head almost bumps it time and again. And from all the smooth, purposeful movement from Kara and the grinding of her own center against the back of her own hand and the intense, closed-eyed look on Kara’s face and deep, frowning crinkle of her brow as if still, even without her powers, trying to hold back from habit - Lena is arriving hard again, and just as she does - she tightens her legs around Kara, locking them together as her free hand slips from Kara’s back to her ass to pull her harder against her, impossibly closer, grinding them together with even more intensity, so much they’ll both probably be bruised. She’s begging, urging, _forcing_ Kara to _just let go_ \- and it works, as suddenly Kara’s breath hitches and catches and - she arrives along with Lena, a throaty, grunting groan escaping. And after a few more deliberate, and quite frankly sexy as hell uninhibited rollings of Kara’s pelvis against hers and Lena’s hand still at Kara’s core, they both ride it out, together.

Lena’s hard breathing matches hers as Kara suddenly collapses down over her, forearms landing at both sides of Lena’s head, Kara leaning her forehead against the pillow for a moment to catch her breath, and that’s when Lena feels Kara at her ear, breathlessly saying something in Kryptonian. It’s spoken low and deeper than she’s ever heard Kara’s voice, a sound that’s somewhere between a growl and hushed whisper. But it’s a declaration. A declaration Kara’s always dreamed of making. Lena can’t help but feel she’s claimed her in this moment and she’s more than happy to be claimed. And even if she doesn’t understand exactly what was said, it’s the hottest and most amazing sound she’s ever heard.

It’s a sound that would echo in Lena's mind for eternity. A sound she hoped to elicit again as soon and often as possible. But for now, she’s exhausted.

Lena’s never been as connected to anybody in her life as she is to Kara in this moment, and vice versa. To her own relief and Kara's gratitude, she’s just taken a brave leap, risking everything that comes with it because to never know such a feeling would’ve been the greater travesty._ Shakespeare had it right_, Lena notes.

She runs hands up and down Kara’s toned back, legs still bent and slightly shaking at both sides of Kara’s hips and she can’t believe the incredibly feral yet still somehow so loving display from Kara she’s just experienced.

The usually unattainable perfect balance of making love and fucking they’d found was the single greatest experience of either of their lives.

Lena is happy to once again have Kara’s lips on hers as Kara recovers enough now to kiss her slow and soft, as if she can’t get enough of tasting her, like one of her favorite foods. And it’s true. Kara would kiss Lena Luthor every second of every day for the rest of her life if she could.

But Lena softly ends the kiss and opens her eyes, and so does Kara, in perfect sync, blue meeting green for the first time since they’d been sitting up.

And Kara smiles, just slightly. And Lena does too.

Kara kisses her once more, gently, before she rolls off of her, still breathing a bit hard as she tries to let herself cool and calm down, with help from the slight breeze slipping in through the balcony. Something Kara’s not used to having to do.

Lena turns on her side and hovers over Kara, not wanting to lose sight of her in this gorgeous, and honestly just plain sexy state of afterglow. Kara tucks Lena’s dark locks behind her ear, as Lena then bends down and kisses her again, gently, while sliding atop Kara’s body. And if they weren’t already drained after a long day of intergalactic travel and city tours and heightened emotions. And hell, a long several months of pain and drama - it might become more, as Kara loves the feeling of Lena laying atop her.

But instead, Lena, fully satiated for the first time in her life - now knowing what its like for sex to be _way_ more than just ‘nice’ - is absolutely _exhausted_. So she just finishes the kiss again and slides down Kara’s body a little, resting her head on Kara’s chest, her thumb stroking the soft spot on Kara’s side just near her breast.

Taking a break, for now, is more than okay with Kara, as Kara sweetly traces her fingers in Lena’s hair. And Lena listens to the sound of Kara’s heartbeat, memorizing it, the same way she knew Kara had probably memorized hers.

Their heavy lids both finally win out, and their eyes shut. And there they lie in afterglow. And peace. And love.

And together they slip off into needed slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more to come - pun intended. ;) Plus a little more story. Stay tuned.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a long one. But there was a lot to cover as I wanted them to finally, fully open up to each other and reach that perfect place. Hopefully you'll find it as beautiful to read as I did to write. Also, there's a nice dose of more smut here, because of course there is.

At some point in the night, Lena had slid off of Kara's body and wound up beside her instead, huddled up against her on her stomach as Kara lay on her back in a slight tilt Lena's way.

Lena awoke to the comforting feeling of Kara’s arm draped across her back and the faint scent of lavender and vanilla coming from the blonde locks by her face.

It was a nice way to wake up. For a split second, Lena worried that perhaps the reality of what they’d done would come crashing back to her laced with doubt and fear and regret. Except it didn’t. It felt so right as she stared at Kara’s beautiful, sleeping face.

Lena buries her own face in her hands slightly and grins. And she wants more than anything to wake Kara with a kiss. But before she can lean closer -

Kara stirs. More like jerks. Again. Then again. And her brow furrows. And now her whole body shifts.

Lena frowns when she realizes Kara’s having a nightmare.

Lena watches as Kara’s hand twitches and arm tightens, and then she feels the hand on her back become a tight fist.

“Kara?” she tries gently.

Kara continues to struggle, her jaw tightening and breathing becoming labored and the strain on her face tells Lena - it’s a bad one.

Lena scoots up onto her elbow and reaches over, at first hesitant to touch her.

“Kara…” she tries again. Finally - she puts a gentle hand on Kara’s shoulder.

Kara BOLTS awake, jerking and launching upright so harshly it startles Lena back, recoiling.

“Kara - Kara it’s me.”

But Kara is barely awake and looks lost as she registers.

“You were just dreaming. It was only a nightmare, love.” Lena tries, softly. 

The sweet pet name comes unexpectedly from Lena’s lips but she’s too worried about Kara’s state to second guess it.

Kara finally controls her breathing as she sits there, sheets dropped to her waist, top half bare and breath finally slowing.

“Sorry… sorry I scared you.” Kara says breathless.

This was definitely not the way Kara wanted to wake up next to Lena. She closes her eyes and shakes her head, running a hand through her hair as she still gathers herself.

“Don’t worry about me, are _you_ alright?” Lena asks.

It’s clear by the concerned look on Kara’s face that she’s very much _not_ alright.

“I’m just - I’m not used to… There’s usually so much noise at night, I don’t normally sleep that deeply.”

Lena frowns, trying to understand what she’s saying. She then realizes she’s talking about her super hearing keeping her from achieving REM sleep. First of all, Lena finds that incredibly tragic, because she can only imagine how tiring it must be to be awoken at all hours of the night to rush off and be the world’s hero. Secondly, it concerns her that slipping into such a deep slumber would open her to whatever nightmare had plagued her.

And suddenly it’s clear by the weighted look in Kara’s dark eyes that it’s something more than just a dream. It’s a _memory_. It’s something she’s been through. Something bad.

“Kara-“ she tries, intending to ask her about it, as she sits up next to her and holds the sheets up against herself, almost protectively. 

“Let’s not.” Kara says, shaking her head, turning towards Lena and bringing a hand to cup the side of her face. 

“I’m fine.” Kara assures with a kiss that’s a bit too light and almost dismissive for Lena’s liking.

Lena stares at her with more concern, as Kara’s eyes drift down for a moment, before looking back up at Lena with a sudden lightheartedness that doesn’t feel at all authentic. She even breaks into a smile and half-laugh, “I’m sorry for ruining our post-coital experience. This is usually the part of the movie where you awake to me bringing you breakfast.”

“Kara.” Lena says, almost scoldingly.

“I’m fine, Lena. Really.” 

And Lena might believe it if Kara would actually make eye contact. Instead she turns away and reaches down for her pants and underwear which lay on the ground by the bed. She slips into them without fully standing, then rises and searches for the shirt that was tossed at the foot of the bed, her back to Lena the whole time.

Lena just lays there, still clutching sheets to her chest. She doesn’t understand what’s happening, or how to react to it. As Kara pulls on her top much too quickly, almost desperately -

“Why does this suddenly feel like a one night stand you’re trying to escape?” Lena says.

Kara stops immediately, fully dressed now and turning back.

“What? No, Lena-“ Kara quickly crosses the length of the bed.“Lena-“ she cups her face again.“Last night was amazing. It was… you were…” she trails off with a fond half-smile.

And again, Lena might believe her if Kara wasn’t slightly trembling and still avoiding eye contact for more than a second at a time. And Lena's concern and fear only grows. 

Kara kisses Lena now to add emphasis, but it’s too tight-lipped so Lena closes her eyes and tries to sink into it, bringing her own hands to cup Kara’s face and letting her body tilt forward, thinking maybe if she can coax Kara into kissing her more softly they can just reconnect in a physical way and she can get Kara to stop whatever she’s doing and get to the bottom of this. But Kara’s pulling away so quickly from the kiss it’s no use.

“I’m just getting us breakfast.” she says with a cheer so out of place it’s just plain awkward, before pushing off the bed and exiting quickly. “I’ll be back!” she hollers over shoulder before sliding the bedroom door shut behind her.

Lena’s mouth drops open and she’s left alone and confused. And that is definitely not how she thought she would wake up after last night. And once again her own mind becomes her own worst enemy, and thoughts of doubt creep in, especially about their first time together. About her own performance during it. Kara had only reached orgasm once and it was arguably more from her own doing than Lena’s. And, Lena _had_ fallen asleep first, and fast. She replays the night’s events over and over in her head. Their lovemaking, the words she heard Kara say that she'd loved hearing so much. She now starts to wonder if Kara has regrets. She also wonders why Kara wouldn’t just tell her about the nightmare. Why she felt she couldn’t open up to her. And with that comes the intense guilt of the secret she’s keeping from Kara about how she’d died and Lena had used the Legion ring to travel back in time and save her.

Lena leans an elbow on her knee and runs a hand into her hair as she feels that weight she’d felt before now come baring down on her once again. And she has no idea that on the other side of the bedroom door -

Kara leans against it, gasping. Trying desperately to catch her breath. But she can’t. She starts to hyperventilate. A hand comes to her chest and she can’t get control of her own heart rate.

Kara quickly tears through her bags until she finds it -

The Legion ring. She slips it on fast and sprints for the open balcony, and without ever even putting on shoes - she leaps into the air the moment she’s outside.

Kara soars higher and higher above the city, gasping and desperate.

Until she finally reaches free, clear, clean air.

And she can finally breathe a deep, freeing breath.

Her eyes close and her head tilts back and she floats in mid air, unmoving. Just hovering, as she finally calms.

——-

Alura steps outside her home to the balcony, a cup of morning tea in hand. She sips and checks a clear tablet, reviewing the day’s schedule - until something catches her eye. _Kara_. Flying above the city. Floating, more like it. Her head tilts. _Curious_. She sets her tablet down and heads inside.

——-

At some point while heading over to Kal’s building, Alura loses sight of Kara in the sky. She hopes she catches her back at home, to ask if everything is alright.

She knocks on Kal’s door, and is surprised when Lena yanks it open expectantly, then quickly looks disappointed, but hides it well.

Alura can’t help but notice her freshly showered look and the robe she wears that she recognizes as Kara’s.

“Lena!” she clears her throat. “Good morning. I was just coming by to check if everything was alright?”

Lena’s mouth drops and she struggles to find the words.

“Yes, of course. Why would you ask?” she shifts, crossing an arm over herself, pulling the robe tighter closed.

She points past Lena, towards the balcony. Towards the sky.Lena looks confused.

“Kara was - flying?” she says it as if Lena should already know.

“What? I thought she couldn’t -“

“She can with the Legion ring.”

_The Legion ring._ Those words strike Lena deeply. “Oh.” she says, crossing her arms fully now, unsure of what to say or do as more bad thoughts plague her mind at a mile a minute about last night, this morning, and why on Argo she’d be flying around like that.

Alura picks up on the concerned mood.

“May I come in?” she asks gently.

“Yes, I’m sorry. Of course.” Lena says, stepping back to make room.

Alura can’t help but notice the mess by Kara’s bag, her personal items strewn on the floor. Lena stares at it as well. 

“She left it like that. She - she left me. This morning. I’m- I’m not sure what’s going on.” Lena admits.

Alura frowns, concern rising.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I - I don’t know!” Lena repeats, practically scoffing in irony as she turns away.

Alura softens and steps closer. She touches Lena’s arm to get her to turn back around and face her.

“You can talk to me, Lena. I know I’m Kara’s mother. But - she cares for you. Very much. So that makes you part of my family.”

Lena’s shoulders drop a little, those words touching her deeply. And now she lets a tear fall. She can’t help it. She’s been holding it in all morning. As she showered. As she piddled around the kitchen trying to figure out how to make tea. Alone. Something she never thought she’d be doing after what happened between them last night.

“Lena…” Alura says sympathetically, gesturing for her to take a seat as she sits next to her on the couch, “Tell me what happened."

Lena wipes her tear away and shrugs, “Everything. We -“ she catches herself and swallows. She knows she can open up but she’s not about to go _there_ with Kara’s mother.

“We were happy." she says instead, "But then this morning, she - she had a - a nightmare.”

Alura shifts, nodding, all cards on the table now that she knows they’re officially _together_, together.

“And then she got - weird. And distant. And refused to talk about it, and then - she left. Just rushed off. I’m worried about her, Alura. I’m worried - about us. About me. If I’m… if I’m enough for her… why she can’t just be open with me?” Lena says now, more tears falling despite her desire for them not to.

“Lena.” Alura places a comforting hand on Lena’s.

“You are _everything_ to her. I’ve never seen her more in love.”

“Then… _why_?”

Alura’s gaze casts down as she tries to figure it out herself.

“Kara… even as a little girl, could be so - guarded.”

This statement surprises Lena. She wipes tears and listens intently as Alura continues -

“She hurt herself once. When she was little. About… six, I think.” Alura half smiles as the full memory comes back to her so vividly. “She was playing with her friends and she’d fallen and she’d busted her forehead open, right between the eyes.”

Lena can’t help but almost smile now that she knows how Kara got that small scar by her brow.

“And she hid it from me.” Alura says with an odd chuckle, as if it’s ludicrous that she would have.

“She - somehow avoided me seeing her face for almost half a day, and I only noticed after I saw the blood on her tunic and forced her to turn around. And then I see - this big, bloody gash on her face and the bluest bruise around her eye. And when I asked her why she’d not said anything, she said ‘I didn’t want to worry you, mother’."

Lena lets out a breath as the message sinks in.

“When Kara first returned to Argo, and I learned of the hero she’d become for your planet, it didn’t surprise me. Kara… carries a great weight on her shoulders. She always has. It’s as if she’s always known her role in this life was to bare the burden of protecting others, at all cost, especially to herself.” Alura’s eyes water at the memory and her daughter’s endless sacrifice and selflessness. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t keep me up at night, what she does for your world. What she’s given up and risked -“ Alura stops herself, swallowing it down.

And Lena looks down now, _because if Alura only knew…_

Alura returns her hands to Lena’s once again and leans forward.

“But that’s why I’m glad she has you. You are the happiness she deserves. For all the sacrifices she makes. And all the burdens she bares.”

Lena’s touched by the statement, yet she still struggles.

“But that’s just it, Alura. I want to be that for her. I want to be her safe place -”

“But she won’t let you.” Alura finishes for her.

“But she won’t let me.” Lena repeats with a sad nod. She then shakes her head and sighs.

“She told me a secret yesterday, about her sister. About what she went through when she first came to Earth. And I thought - I thought maybe there’d never be anything kept hidden between us ever again, the way there had been for so long. But now… after this morning, I… I just don’t know.”

“Have you opened up to her?”

This causes Lena to finally look up.

Alura continues, “Have you told her everything?”

Lena swallows, bristling at the insinuation Alura isn't even aware of.

“Even if it’s just how you feel, about all of this.”

Lena relaxes, but only a little.

“It might help.” Alura finishes, “If you met her half way. Because I think that’s what she needs. A partner. In every sense. And I can think of no better person than you.”

Lena takes this in, and inhales a deep, weighted breath.Alura’s right.

And Lena knows what she has to do. She has to be honest. She has to tell Kara everything. It’s the only thing that could help bridge the remaining gap between them. it’s the only thing that could finally bring them together, fully in every way. With no more secrets.

“Thank you, Alura.” she says genuinely.

Alura offers a smile of assurance.

“Kara’s lucky to have you.” Lena says as Alura heads for the door.

Alura turns back before exiting, “And you.” she says gently.

And then it closes behind her.

———

Lena had been siting in the spot Alura had left her for half an hour, putting together the words she needed.

But when Kara’s bare feet touch down on the balcony, and her hair flows in the wind and blue eyes turn cerulean from the bright morning sun - those words fall out of her brain.

Lena immediately stands.

Kara takes a single step inside, appearing at peace now, unlike before.

She looks at Lena deeply, taking in the sight of her in her robe, long raven hair in loose natural waves.

“You're so beautiful.” Kara says, while still keeping her distance.

“And you forgot the food.” Lena says, meaning it playful but instead it comes out slightly accusatory.

Kara swallows.

“Yeah, about that. I’m sorry for rushing off, I was just -“

But Lena steps forward and puts a hand up to stop her. There’s still space between them, in more ways than one. Until Lena takes one more step and takes Kara’s hand in hers, lifting it. She looks down at the Legion ring on her finger.

“It - lets me fly here.”

Lena wants to ask why she needed to, where she went, and what her nightmare was about that was so bad she felt the need to flee. And Kara can tell she wants to ask -

“I’m sorry.” she says again, deeper.

“_I’m_ sorry.” Lena says, “For not telling you everything.”

Kara frowns curiously.

“What do you mean?”

Lena opens her mouth, but nothing comes out for a moment.

“Lena?” Kara asks gently.

Lena takes a breath and turns, pulling Kara by the hand towards the bedroom. She slides the door shut behind them. As if this is a safer space, given last night. More intimate.

“Sit, please?” Lena asks tentative.

Kara looks increasingly concerned, but doesn’t protest. She takes a seat at the end of the bed and tucks her hair behind her ear, shifting as she waits, curiously.

Lena starts to pace a little.She finally stops.

“The ring.” she begins. “I know about its power. Not all of it, I didn’t know you could fly here, with it. But - I know that with a temporal disruption, you went back in time.”

Kara’s brow furrows, “You- How? I only ever told Alex, but -“

“You didn’t tell her why.” Lena finishes for her.

“Right. How did you know that?”

“Because we spoke of it.”

Now Kara is completely confused.

“W-when? When you came to the DEO? Why would she-“

“No, not then. After. After the blast. After-“ Lena practically chokes on her next words, but they emerge in a blurt, “After you died.”

Kara is still. _Very_ still.

“W-what are you talking about?” she asks, barely. Then she shakes her head. As if there’s a memory attached to it that she can’t quite access.

“_Lena_.”

“You died. It killed you. Right in front of me.” Lena holds back tears, haunted by the quick flash in her mind of Kara dissipating right in front of her after asking her to forgive her.

Kara swallows, still frowning. Still staring at Lena. And then - it’s like a punch to the gut as the air leaves Kara’s lungs and she looks down.

“Oh my God…” Kara says barely, standing, a hand on her stomach. “I _knew_ something...“ Kara struggles with the memory, “Something when I woke up. Like I wasn’t… like I wasn’t where I was supposed to be, I-“

Lena is only half listening to Kara’s ramble, too caught up in trying to lay everything on the table.

“I brought you back. I used the ring. I went through a disruption, with help from Brainy and Alex.”

“And you kissed me. And everything changed.” Kara finishes for her.

Lena freezes, suddenly realizing Kara knows, somehow.

“You - you remember? _How_?”

Kara stands.

“I don’t - I don’t know. Our connection, maybe?”

And now Lena almost smiles through sudden tears in her eyes. She steps close to Kara and takes her face in her hands.

“Our connection. Yes. It’s what made me go back. Even if it hadn’t worked. I had to see you again. I needed you to know I forgave you.”

“It’s what kept me alive. It’s what saved me. Your kiss.” Kara tears up now as well, eyes glancing down to Lena’s lips.

She then smiles, “And you know, time travel.”

Lena breaks into a smile now as well and she’s relieved because they feel connected again. Close again, like last night.

Kara’s face shifts down a little, humor and light fading. Her eyes drift low, away from Lena’s emeralds as Kara starts to get further away despite standing right in front of her.

“Don’t.” Lena says, detecting it, forcing Kara to look at her again as she pleads, “Don’t leave me again. I crossed time to bring you back. Please stay with me.”

Kara’s heart breaks as she knows what she’s saying. What she’s _really_ saying.

“I am sorry I left this morning, I just -“

Lena waits, head tilting expectantly.

Kara closes her eyes and takes a breath.

“I spent twelve years in a pod, Lena. That… tiny, _suffocating_ pod. Alone. And I was awake for every moment of it. For _twelve years_. In the darkness of space. In total silence.”

Lena’s face drops.

“It’s something I struggle with. Sometimes. It… the silence. The darkness. It was deafening.” Kara says with eyes closed, trying to block out the memory as her anxiety threatens to bubble up again. 

“Kara-“ Lena says, breathless, at the confession. She can’t even imagine something so horrific… and how Kara, how anyone, could survive that. Let alone stay sane and carry on to be the hero she's become. 

“I’m okay.” Kara reopens her eyes, assuring. “Most of the time, I’m okay. But at night. If I… when I fall into a deep sleep, like I do when I’m here, the nightmare comes and I…” She closes her eyes again and shakes her head, “_I can’t breathe_-“

Lena lunges forward and throws her arms around her before she has to say another word, clutching her tightly. Kara holds onto her for dear life, letting herself feel comforted by Lena’s embrace, and grateful for her allowing this moment of vulnerability she rarely shows to anyone. 

“I’m so sorry I left.” Kara practically whispers again, desperately. _Needing_ Lena to know she means it.

“You came back.” Lena says. Then she pulls back and looks at Kara deeply, “As long as you always come back...“ she says, letting Kara know it’s okay. Kara nods, face in Lena’s hands.

“As long as you come back and you talk to me. You _can_ talk to me. About anything. No more secrets. Not from me.” she says, half asking, half telling that this is how it has to be.

Kara nods again, agreeing. “No more secrets.”

And then she kisses Lena. And it’s soft and loving, and Lena’s so very relieved to feel her kiss her like that again.

But then Kara pulls back a little.

“What?” Lena asks, curiously.

“There's more…” Kara says.

Lena takes a breath. Nods. “Okay. Tell me.” she says firm but kindly, stepping back to allow Kara room to breathe and think and open up in the way she’d hope. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous what else there is, but she wants Kara to be totally honest.

Kara hesitates. Seeing Lena sitting there, so beautifully, with that soft look in her eyes of someone who just wants to know all of her, unfiltered, without judgement - it’s overwhelming. And she’s worried. She’s worried about saying anything more. She’s worried about scaring Lena away. About losing her. But she’s also worried she’ll lose her if she doesn’t tell her everything. And Lena deserves everything.

And so, Kara fiddles with her own fingers a moment, until she finally pulls the ring off and stares down at it.

“It involves this. And why I went back in time.”

Lena takes a seat on the bed now, with Kara standing in front of her.

“You know I live by a code, Lena. That I don’t kill. But with Reign… I did.”

Lena frowns, “No, you didn’t she- you separated her from Sam using the Harun-El...“ she’s confused.

“No, Lena. Not at first. First I killed her. I lost my temper, for a _moment_. And in her death... she ended the lives of those I loved. Of Sam, Mon-El-“

Lena bristles slightly at the name of Kara’s past lover.

“-my mother.” Kara finishes, her heart breaking at the memory.

“But I used this ring to go back. To correct my mistake. And I swore I would never kill again.”

Lena takes this in. She’s shocked, but also accepting.

“Good.” she says.

But Kara hasn’t relaxed at all yet. She just shakes her head.

“No, Lena. That’s the thing.” Kara places the ring on the table behind her and sighs.

“I hate to bring up... to go back to the things that kept us apart, but - I think, I _know_, that on top of the selfish reasons of wanting to not lose that escape that knowing you as Kara Danvers brought me, and even more than the fear of hurting you… that I was scared for you to know who I was. For us to get any closer than we were.”

“Scared? Of what?” Lena asks, head tilting.

There’s a long moment of silence as Kara finally confesses -

“That I would break my code for you, Lena. If it ever came to it. If anyone _ever_ hurt you.” she grits at the very thought.

Lena’s touched by the intensity of Kara’s love and concern for her, but she doesn’t believe it.

“No, you wouldn’t, Kara.”

“Yes. I would.” Kara says with a firm resolution that shakes Lena to her core.

“I know I would.” she finishes. And Lena reads the fire in her eyes, and she knows it’s true. If Kara would die for her, as she already had, she would absolutely kill for her. Lena swallows.

“Well… y-you won’t have to.” Lena finally says after a moment. “I’ll be safe. You’ll keep me safe. Like you always do.” she says lovingly, reaching for Kara’s hand once again. Kara looks down at Lena’s hand in hers. And Lena’s concern grows further when Kara’s jaw sets and she shakes her head once.

“There’s… a darkness… in me, Lena.” Kara begins. “There’s an _anger_.”

Lena’s brow furrows, as Kara continues.

“I’ve struggled with it most of my life. It used to be because of the loss. My planet, my family… But even after getting some of that back -“ she gestures around them, “It’s still there.”

Lena has trouble believing.

“Kara… that doesn’t sound anything like you.”

“It is. It can be.”

Lena processes this. She knows how deeply Kara feels things - hope, joy, love - and she realizes anger is yet something else she could feel just as deeply. Sure, she’s never seen it, and prays she never will because the thought suddenly frightens her little.

And Kara reads the fear.

“Now you’re scared of me.” Kara says low, releasing Lena's hand.

“No, I could never - I _would_ never be frightened of you. _Ever_.”

Lena stands again, stepping closer to Kara, practically pleading -

“But I am scared _for_ you. I never realized how much you carried.”

Kara’s touched but she shakes her head.

“It comes with the territory. It’s part of it.”

“Well it shouldn’t be.” Lena counters, “And you shouldn’t have had to carry it alone.”

“I’ve had my sister. My friends...”

Lena looks at her with a tilt, reading through her. Kara yields, jaw setting -

“Yeah, I - don’t talk to them about this stuff.” she admits, peering down at the floor. Then she looks up at Lena with a softer gaze. 

“It’s nice… to say it out loud though. To you. It helps.” Kara says. “You calm me, Lena. You… center me.”

Lena wants to melt at this admission. But instead, she smirks, hoping to make Kara smile as she cocks her eyebrow -

“And _you_ get to the center _of_ me.”

Kara's mood breaks momentarily, and she laughs.“Wow, Lena that was bad. I thought _I_ said things at inappropriate times.”

“Well that’s something we have in common.” Lena says with a shrug.

“Well then it seems we’re perfect for each other.” Kara says, closing the gap to Lena. And then they kiss. Neither knows who leaned in first. But in all likelihood, they both did at the same time.

Their lips slowly part, suddenly as Kara swallows.

Lena picks up on the gravity shift. Kara's mood reverting right back to the heaviness from before, with the issue of Kara’s confessed anger still remaining. And it breaks Lena’s heart that Kara can’t just let herself be happy. Just like she struggles with. _They really are alike…_

She doesn’t know what else she can do to comfort Kara about this. And then something settles over her. Something a bit dark and unexpected. She brings hands to Kara’s face once more and she looks up at her with something between danger, love and lust -

“Show me.” Lena says, barely above a whisper.

Kara frowns a little.

“What?” she asks.

“Show me your darkness, Kara.”

“Lena-“

“You don’t have powers here. It’ll be okay.”

Kara’s confused by this. She starts to shake her head. To question further. To protest. But Lena prevents -

“You’ve seen mine when I was punishing you for your secret.”

“Lena.” Kara says more firmly.

“Punish me, Kara.” she says with a seductive challenge, tilting her head up, her tongue rolling '_Kara_' off of it in a thick, slightly accented way that sends a flush throughout Kara’s body. 

“_Lena_.” Kara says warns, low.

Lena adopts an icy gaze now. A far too familiar glare that reminds Kara of how she looked at her before they found their way back to each other.

“Kara, you hurt me.” she suddenly snips, coldly. “_Badly_.”

Kara freezes, confused.

“I am asking you to do this. _And you owe me_.” she practically seethes at Kara.

Kara takes a step back, a deep frown on her face.

Lena scoffs now, her eyes tracing down and back up Kara with visible disgust.

“Should’ve known you didn’t have it in you.” Lena fires off, as she turns to strut away -

But Kara snatches her wrist. Hard.

And when Lena looks up into her eyes again - there’s a fire. A _darkness_.

Kara steps and yanks, practically throwing Lena onto the bed and climbing on top of her, pinning her wrists above her head.

At the sight of Lena’s robe swept open beneath her, exposing her - Kara squeezes, tightening her grip on her wrists. It _hurts_ as Kara grits and glares down at her.

Lena’s breath catches in her throat. Her heart races. Face flushes. Core throbs, wet as hell. Despite this, Lena doesn’t break her hard, challenging facade.

She tilts her head up towards Kara, and practically spits -

“_Fuck me. Because fuck y_-“

But before she can finish “_you_” - fingers are inside of her without warning, causing her to gasp loudly. It’s harsh and startling and Kara releases her wrists so her other hand can land over Lena’s mouth, silencing her cry out, as Kara rolls her hips and fingers curl and she starts to thrusts her hand in and out, harder and harder, a full blown, right royal fucking as Kara’s fueled by something Lena’s never seen, her eyes so dark. And it’s both terrifying and exhilarating -

Especially when Kara suddenly flips her over onto her stomach, shoving the bottom half of the robe up around Lena’s waist, briefly grabbing her by the hair with one hand and giving it a yank as she reaches around from behind to rub at Lena’s front while she grinds against her ass with her pelvis and then she dives in even deeper from behind, plowing her fingers into Lena again with a damn near brutality that threatens to shatter Lena’s very being. And once again Kara hits all the right spots, and this time they’re being hit _violently_.

Lena’s eyes clench shut and she grunts and starts to yelp, her pitch growing higher with every thrust - until she’s about to reach her peak and she somehow, breathlessly creaks out -

“_Stop…_”

But it doesn’t stop. Because Kara’s not seeing Lena, she’s only seeing red, and thanks to her grinding against Lena’s ass, she’s nearing that familiar white too.

So Lena says it more forcefully, gurgling out - “KARA STOP!”

And Kara does, instantly. Full stop, she halts any and all movement despite them both nearing climax. And she starts to register what’s just happened. What she was just doing, as Lena grabs the hand that’s on her mound and they stay like this, frozen and still, with Kara laying on top of Lena, her back to Kara’s chest, as over shoulder, gasping and breathing hard, Lena barely chokes out -

“See. I _can_ stop you. You _can_ stop for me. That’s how strong you are.”

And that’s when Kara realizes what this was, and she snaps back to reality and understands that Lena just wanted to show her the control Kara has over herself, no matter how worked up. She wanted to show her the power Lena really does have to center her.

“_Centering_…” Kara says breathlessly.

And suddenly Kara doesn’t think she could love Lena more for this lesson, as they both still pant heavily, until Lena says with a low, sly, seductiveness -

“Now center _me_.”

It’s a throwback to the previous jest, and Kara knows it. And she responds by flipping Lena over again onto her back, and yanking her downward by the thighs, to get her into position with a non-powered brute strength that yet again startles Lena and drives her wild.

“Sit up.” Kara instructs, low and throaty and Lena obeys without hesitation, getting up onto her knees as Kara moves to position herself under Lena, laying where she once was.

And then Kara nods.

And Lena knows what she’s suggesting, and her legs quiver at the thought. Lena unconsciously bites her lip.

And Kara just waits as Lena finally scoots a little and moves the robe out of the way and swings a leg over, landing in a straddle -

Over Kara’s face. 

The sound that comes out of Lena’s throat the moment Kara makes contact has Lena wondering if _she’s_ even human, as she grips the headboard where Kara once did and she starts to slowly grind and roll her hips, proceeding to ride Kara’s face. Kara reaches up just long enough to undo the robe’s sash and yank the silk down off Lena’s body and toss it aside, and Lena’s grateful to be rid of it.

And suddenly Kara’s fingers are buried to the hilt inside Lena again, and her tongue is doing things that she never thought was even possible, despite last night. And before long the universe disappears around her and she’s seeing that light again and she moves her hips with wild abandon as throaty grunts and groans escape and this may be the loudest she’s ever been in bed as - “_Ahhhh ahhhhh ahhhhh OH FUCK KARA!!!_” she yells out, eyes clenched as she grinds down so hard she almost worries she’ll crush Kara, but she can’t even think past that when Kara uses her free hand to grip her ass and pull her closer, tighter, harder down, letting her know it’s okay to - just - keep - going until —- the SCREAM comes when she does, after a brief halt in desperate grunting, and it _echoes_. And half of Argo probably heard it, and neither cares as Lena tumbles over the edge in the hardest orgasm she’s ever had in her life, even harder than last night, which she would’ve bet her entire fortune wasn’t possible.

But she just keeps grinding, not wanting it to end and if she thought she came hard before - _Jesus_… out of nowhere she’s arriving again. And freaking _again_. And still, Kara keeps working her unforgivingly, unyieldingly. So she keeps grinding. And AGAIN she arrives. And she never thought it was possible to, so quickly - _again_.

And finally she‘s collapsing back, sitting on Kara’s chest as she shudders in the aftermath and Kara finally catches her breath. Lena’s eyes are still closed and her body is flushed red from head to toe, trembling and sweaty.

And when she finally opens her eyes and comes back to reality, she sees Kara staring up at her with a smile. Or, closer to a smirk.

“And that was without my super speed.” she says.

It’s a cockiness Lena has never seen from Kara. And she wants nothing more than to wipe the smirk off her face, so she repositions, scooting forward again to lift back up and over Kara’s face.

“_Again_.” Lena orders with a deep, commanding voice, though still breathless.

And again Kara starts with her tongue and her fingers. And again Lena arrives fast and hard. And again. And _again_, despite the increasing soreness. She’s waiting for Kara to say stop, say that she can’t do it any more - but damn if Kara is unyielding and strong as hell, and never seems to tire even without her powers. And Lena’s realizing more than ever just how selfless she really is. And at the thought of her being so lucky to have this goddess as her lover, she comes so hard again it removes any further ability to think on anything. And she’s so exhausted from riding Kara’s face and orgasming _so. many. times_ \- she almost passes out.

But Kara catches her at her waist and lower back, holding her body up and giving one last lick and ministration that somehow sends Lena over the edge one final, wonderfully climactic, body-quivering time - until she really does collapse, falling over off of Kara and struggling to even breathe.

“Stop.” she pants, basically begging for mercy, unable to form any other words.

"Stop… I ca-I _can’t_…” she barely gets out of a dry throat.

Kara just smiles and crawls over to her and kisses her. And Lena tastes herself, because how could she not after all that. The evidence is everywhere.

And Lena suddenly realizes now - Kara won.

If it was a contest to see who had more control over whom, Kara won a thousand times over and Lena can’t help but almost laugh as she still tries to catch her breath and Kara just grins as they both know it. And just like that, Lena's eyes roll back and she passes out.

——-

When Lena comes to, she starts to sit up and instantly feels the soreness at her center. And it’s more of an odd fullness than painful so she smiles a brief moment, before realizing - Kara’s gone.

Panic starts to rise - until the bedroom door glides open and Kara strolls in wearing the same robe Lena wore last night, bowl of fruit in hand.

Lena stares up at her and Kara can’t help but stifle a smile at the sight of her. Droopy eyelids. Hair a total mess. Lena wasn’t someone she hardly ever saw with a single hair out of place. Seeing her here like this now, properly fucked to the point of literal unconsciousness - makes her oddly proud.

The look Lena gives her suggests she reads Kara's mind and so she practically rolls her eyes at the Kryptonian, Lena's cheeks slightly blushing as she runs a hand through her hair, knowing how she must look. And this time when she leans up into a full sit, she lets the sheets fall, as they literally have nothing left to hide between them any longer. And Lena has never felt more free and uninhibited with anyone.

“I needed to eat.” Kara finally says, then shrugs with a grin, “_Something else_.” she corrects.

Lena shakes her head with a smirk and thinks on that very thing, and if she thought she was satiated their first time together, the satisfaction between her legs now could honestly last her a lifetime.

Still - she can’t wait to do it again as soon as possible. And seeing Kara as she eats, an odd combo of cuteness and beauty that somehow only an hour or two before was sending her over the edge again and again and about eight more times after that - she wishes the ‘doing it again’ could be now. But she’s much too sore and much too tired, and she thinks there’s absolutely no way -

Until she sees her suck on what looks like an alien strawberry, with juice trickling down her chin, and suddenly Kara’s wrist is grabbed and she’s being pulled over to the bed.

Kara’s surprised, declaring with a laugh, “I have to eat, Lena!”

Lena gives her a seductive look, “Oh you will-“ she cocks her eyebrow, “But first it’s my turn.”

Kara’s eyes go a little wide and then suddenly darker, as Lena leans in and she kisses her passionately, and then she pushes the robe back off of Kara’s shoulders and Kara happily loses the rest of it, dropping it to the floor before she lets Lena push her back onto the bed. 

And then Lena dives in. Literally. And Kara gasps. And she is suddenly _very_ grateful that Lena’s comfortable enough to do this now.

Lena is more than aware she’s had at least ten orgasms today alone, making a truly dirty dozen over the last twenty four hours, meanwhile Kara only came once, last night. And while she knows she won’t be able to match Kara’s absurdly skillful record, she’s damn ready to try making a dent in it. After all, if there's one thing Lena is, it's a fast learner.

Her licks are hesitant and tentative at first, finding their way, until -

“There-” Kara husks, “Right there.”

And that’s all the help Lena needed. She focuses her tongue there again and again, until she feels Kara start to writhe.

Kara suddenly chokes out, “Lena-”

And Lena knows what she needs. What she’s basically begging for. And she doesn’t even hesitate to plunge three fingers deep and -

_Jesus_, Kara is so insanely tight and firm inside. And Lena almost laughs against her, realizing she definitely earns her “Girl of Steel” label in more ways than one. And then she briefly worries she might have hurt her, having started with three, but before she can pull out or let up - Kara’s gripping her hand, forcing her to stay put, willing her deeper and guiding her fingers to curl up and - there it is.

Lena feels what she’s felt within herself before at home in bed alone. What Kara must have felt inside of her so many times over the last twenty four hours that sent her into the blinding light so wonderfully many times. So Lena hits that spot again and again and -

“_Rao, FUCK!_” Kara yells out, and her legs tighten at Lena’s head and there’s no fear of popping her lover’s skull like a grape this time - as she comes HARD, her whole body tensing and driving Lena wild at the sight of all her incredible muscles in a strain.

And Kara rides out the waves as Lena keeps licking and thrusting her hand and curling her fingers just as she’d shown her.

“Oh g-Le-“ she suddenly stutters, “I’m coming again… _LENA_!” she says with a near whine, either egging her on or warning her, Lena can’t tell which but either way she wouldn't stop for anything. And then it happens, and Kara cries out, and Lena feels a shocking amount of moisture suddenly on her chin and she can’t help but smile, having elicited such a carnal physical reaction from Kara. And she tastes incredible. Just like she smells. And feels. Everything about Kara is so damn incredible and she wonders how she got so lucky as to be here, like this, with this goddess.

And then a breathless Kara looks down at Lena as if _she’s_ the goddess, and knowing that’s how she views her fills Lena’s heart. Amongst other parts.But she’s still much too sore to even consider _that_.

At least for herself. Lena’s eyebrow rises suggestively again with a damn near evil grin and Kara looks at her with a tilt of her head as if to say ‘_you can’t be serious_’ but oh -

Lena is always serious.

And Kara can’t help but smile and bite her own lip as her hips jerk off the bed at the renewed contact of Lena’s fingers and tongue.

——-

Once again they’ve gone at it for hours. And of course, Kara couldn’t let Lena avoid further orgasms just because she was sore. "Woman up, Luthor." she'd actually joked low into her ear. So now - Lena could damn near barely move, let alone stand up.

So she just lies there amidst sloppy sheets, her head at the foot of the bed, because - obviously. And she just stares out at the sky through the window, and she’s honestly never been happier, as Kara is zonked out the opposite way, on her stomach, absolutely spent.

Lena runs a hand along Kara’s leg which is sprawled out by her head, up and down and back again mindlessly as she just keeps watching the distant planets shift in Argo’s sky. And it's an incredible sight.

Kara finally stirs and looks back over her shoulder.

And Lena smiles at her. And she smiles back through tired lids and messy blonde hair.

“I need a shower.” she manages to mumble, pushing up with a grunt and slipping out of bed, fully nude.

And Lena watches her. And the sight of Kara’s perfect, sculpted body - seeing it from a distance in its entirety for the first time - is somehow even better than her previous view of cosmic shifts.

“You coming?” Kara asks with her own raised eyebrow over shoulder before she slips out of view into the bathroom.

Lena can’t get out of bed quick enough, despite her wobbly legs.

——-

Warm water cascades over their bodies as they stand huddled closely, cleaning each other of soap in between gentle, languid kisses. There’s no urgency now. Nothing to hurry up and get to. No other needs to be filled, at least for now. It’s just intimacy and comfort.

“Promise me something.” Kara says suddenly, quietly, her forehead resting against Lena’s as both hands interlace with hers between them.

“Anything.” Lena says.

Kara opens her eyes and looks deeply into Lena.

“Promise me, that you will never push me away, ever again. That you won’t hide your vulnerabilities and your fears and whatever else is on that brilliant mind of yours at any given time when you get all cold and clenchy.”

Lena can’t help but chuckle while Kara continues -

“I see you, Lena.”

Lena’s face draws more serious as Kara finishes, “I see your heart. You think you have to be so hard on the outside because you’re so soft in your heart. But I want to be a safe place for you to be you. The same way you are now for me.”

Tears fill Lena’s eyes at that last part. And so she nods, grateful for Kara’s openness and for the complete return of her vulnerability and love.

“I promise.” she finally says, gently.

Kara suddenly lightens a little, shaking her head at them, “_A Luthor and a Super_…”

But Lena quickly interrupts, “No.” she shakes her head, correcting Kara the same way she’d once corrected her, "It’s just us.”

Kara leans in and captures Lena’s lips with her own, ever so gently, as the water pours down around them.

The moment is beautiful. Peaceful. Lena finally, slowly, lets her lips drag from Kara’s with a sigh of contentment.

She then turns her back to Kara, pulling her closer as Kara’s arms wrap around her from behind, protective and completing her in a way she never thought she’d be complete. And vice versa.

And there they remain, pressed against each other under the warm stream, with no idea where one begins and the other ends, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could end it here, but - we're almost done. Nearing that finish line. ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time on Argo is coming to an end. But of course that doesn't mean the fluff has to. Amongst other things. ;)

They’d spent all day in and out of bed, until Kara had finally needed to at least make a brief drop in with her mother and friends for appearances sake. An exhausted Lena had stayed behind to rest.

It’s now evening again as Kara strolls in to find Lena propped up in bed in a light nightgown, intensely reading a book.

Kara stops in the doorway and just watches her. The sight of Lena sitting there looking so relaxed and at peace, hair in those loose waves Kara loves so much... Sure, she was always taken by Lena’s slick, sleek and powerful CEO style. But seeing her like this, completely unwound and soft - it takes Kara’s breath away. And knowing she has something to do with it makes her heart swell. 

Lena feels Kara’s presence, but doesn’t even glance up -

“How’s the festival planning coming along?”

Kara finally pushes off the wall, “Good. Exciting.”

Lena smirks, only partially glancing up at Kara as she approaches the bed.“She says with complete believability.”

Kara chuckles, “Yeah. I mean it’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong. The celebration of Rao’s blessing and all that - it’s important. I just… _hours_ planning events and ceremonies. I don’t know how she does it.”

“Your mother?”

Kara nods.

“When I was a child all she did was work on so many important things, but here in Argo everything’s so calm and peaceful there’s not much else to do-“

“But plan events and ceremonies.” Lena finishes for her.

Kara nods again as she flops down onto the bed next to Lena. On her side, she snuggles against a pillow and lays there watching Lena read for the longest time. The way her emerald eyes scan the page, full lips occasionally parting and slim fingers flipping through page after page. 

Watching Lena has become a new favorite hobby, now that she can. Weeks on end without Lena in her life, she’d felt like she was missing a limb. And now with Lena here in bed next to her, looking like _that_, with those amazing curves and exuding a calmness and happiness Kara had never seen before - she can’t take her eyes off of her.

And so she reaches over and turns Lena’s face towards her and leans up to give her a long, languid kiss. It’s simple and loving. And Lena has no idea what it’s for or why, and she doesn’t care.

“Hi.” Kara says softly now, as if they hadn’t already been talking.

“Hi.” Lena says back with a smile that makes Kara melt. And so she does. She literally slips back down to her spot next to Lena and resumes watching her.

After a moment -

“Are you just going to stare at me all night?”

“Mhm.” Kara nods with a slightly goofy, almost drunken grin.

Lena shakes her head with a smile.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a dork. And you’re a nerd.” Kara says nodding to the book.

“This is your idea of bedroom talk? Trying to seduce me, Kara?”

“If I wanted to seduce you-“ Kara says, taking the book from Lena’s hands and kissing her on the cheek before letting her lips ever so lightly trace down her jaw, to her neck, and finally she throws in a little tongue at her pulse, just to remind her about the talents of it.

Lena’s breath catches.

“I’m still sore, Kara.”

“Mhm.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you even listening-“

And the response is Kara slipping her hand up Lena’s leg, shifting the nightgown up painfully slow, inch by inch -

Until Lena finally stops her with her own hand. 

“You’re insatiable, Kara Zor-El.”

“Perks of dating a Kryptonian.”

“Oh we’re dating now? That’s presumptive.”

Kara stops, pulling back and looking at Lena oddly.

Until Lena breaks into a smile, and can’t believe Kara actually took pause.

“You really are a dork.”

“Little bit, yeah.” Kara admits. 

“More than a little bit.” Lena chuckles. And then she suddenly looks at Kara with a gentle, loving tilt of her head. Seeing this silly, goofy side of Kara in the way that she’d always known her was comforting. Knowing that part of her was real and not just some act was wonderful. And it just confirms so much for her, as if it wasn’t already. Kara is Kara. Sure, she’s more now. _So_ much more. She’s Kara Zor-El, her otherworldly lover who’s the best she ever had and has captured her body, heart and soul. The only person in the literal galaxy she could see herself spending the rest of her life with. But she’s still a quite a lot of the Kara Danvers she first fell for, and that's a relief.

“What?” Kara asks of the intense stare.

“Nothing.” Lena says, then adopts a smile again, “But I really am sore. And I can’t put this down. It’s _very_ educational.”

Kara yields, finally. Glances at the book for the first time. It's Kryptonian. And it's - 

A deep, shocked frown appears on Kara's face.

“Wait, is that-“

An evil grin creeps to Lena's lips.

“Lena!” Kara blurts, trying not to laugh while also blushing a little. She snatches it from Lena’s grasp and her mouth drops as she notices elaborate _erotic_ drawings.

“You could’ve told me there was a Kryptonian equivalent of the Kama Sutra. With _twelve_ volumes." She says, gesturing to four more books on the nightstand she'd gotten from the library while Kara had been out. She'd been reading all evening and though she couldn't understand the words, she could certainly get the idea from all the _very_ detailed diagrams and sketches. 

“I mean I never read it. I left Krypton when I was a _kid_.”

“But you recognized it.” she says accusatorial.

“Well... my friend Thara and I might’ve - snuck a peek in the library a couple times before almost getting caught.” she admits, finishing the last part in a rush.

Lena laughs, “Of course you did.”

Kara sits up more now now, leaning back against the headboard next to Lena and flipping a page.

“We did that already.” Kara nods at the book with a fond memory.

Lena glances. “Oh, yes. That’s why I’m so sore.”

They both grin. Kara turns another page. Her eyes go wide.

“Wow.” she says, staring at a very detailed sketch of an impressively large phallus. Multiple impressive, large phalluses, actually.

Lena can’t help but eye her.

“See something you like?”

Kara shifts, scoffing, “What? _Lena_.”

“It’s okay, Kara. I'm not judging.” Lena says with assurance, respecting Kara’s bisexuality, but hiding a hint of jealousy.

“I have you. That’s more than enough.” Kara says firmly, and there's no doubt she means it fully.

“Still, it wouldn’t be terrible to have one for - logistics.” Lena says with a shrug.

“W-you _want_ one?”

“Only if it’s attached to you. Those _powerful_ hips.” she practically growls at the thought.

Kara smiles, tentative.

“Don’t tell me you’ve not thought about it.” Lena challenges with a cock of her brow.

“I mean…” Kara blushes. Grins. She's been caught and Lena knows it. But before Lena can call her out on it, Kara addresses quickly, “Before we think about getting - _that_, we’ve got other things to figure out. So it’s safe.”

“I agree. I don’t want you to have to hold back with me.”

Kara nods, “Me neither. I will, if I have to. Nothing is gonna stop me from being with you. But, it would be nice not to worry about hurting you all the time. To be able to let loose sometimes, like I have here.”

“You’ve let loose here? I hadn’t noticed.” she says with a deliberate wince as she shifts her hips.

Kara grins wider as Lena continues - 

“And as long as we’re in an agreement on no more secrets, I want you to always be honest with me when it comes to the bedroom as well, Kara.”

“I am. I will.” Kara assures.

“You didn’t tell me about the phallic fantasy.” Lena says.

She’s got her there, as Lena continues, “If you had you would’ve discovered we were on the same page.”

“True. Okay.” Kara admits with a nod, holding back a smile.

“Just be honest with me about any fantasies you may have …and I might just make them happen.” Lena says seductively.

This time Lena places a kiss on Kara’s neck.

Kara forces Lena's chin up so they lock eyes.

“_You_ are my fantasy, Lena.”

“Oh, you’re about to get so lucky.” Lena says low, resuming her kisses to Kara’s neck.

“I thought you were too sore.”

“I said _you_ were about to get lucky.” Lena breathes against Kara’s ear.

But Kara maintains composure.

“I mean it though, Lena.” Kara says with a content sigh, “You’re all I need. Everything else is just - icing.”

Suddenly, Kara’s eyes go bigger, “Ohhh ICING!” she says and Lena halts and looks at her with a deadpanned tilt -

“Why do I get the feeling we’ll be doing a lot of things with food.”

Kara laughs.

“Okay, so what are yours?” Kara challenges now that Lena’s stopped kissing on her.

Lena sits up and considers.

“Well, there is something... involving you… in your suit.”

Kara’s mouth drops.

“Lena Luthor!”

“What?! I have a thing for Supergirl what can I say!” she laughs with a shrug.

Kara smiles. "What else?” she asks, dying to know.

Lena’s eyes suddenly glaze over as her mind drifts and she starts to list off -

“Tying you up. You tying me up. You using your powers - your super speed, your freeze breath. Doing it in my office… on the couch. You bending me over my desk. You _under_ the desk while I take a conference call and try my best not to scream your name -“

“That’s - a lot of fantasies.” Kara interrupts, barely managing to get the words out as Lena just continues -

“Joining the mile high club…”

“W-like, on a plane?” Kara asks in disbelief. Lena just turns and looks at her with a tilt of the head.

“No Kara, _not on a plane_.”

Kara swallows.

And Lena just keeps going -

"Pressed against the windows of my penthouse. In a public place. At my lab after making beautiful science together. In J’onn’s ship with the entirety of planet Earth beneath us, page 43 of that book, page 62, and 69…”

Kara’s mouth has remained dropped open this whole time, until now, when she realizes and looks down at the book -

“Wait, there - is no page 69, this volume ends at 64.”

Lena says nothing. Just stares, eyebrow raising the slightest bit.

Kara swallows again, practically frozen.

“Oh… Wow.” she chokes out, then quickly composes. “You’ve been thinking a lot about this.”

Lena just grins slyly. “Haven’t you?” She asks.

Kara’s eyes squint a little because there’s no way she can lie to Lena and Lena knows it.

Yes, she’s definitely going to have to figure out a way to dampen her powers. But based on half of these fantasies, only sometimes. Kara can’t help but smile.

She suddenly tosses the book aside and practically tackles Lena.

“Kara! What are you doing?!”

“Checking off that last one.”

“Kara, I said I’m sor-“

But Lena’s voice is cut off when Kara reverses positions so their bodies are at opposite ends, Kara’s lower half hovering above Lena’s head as she pulls Lena’s nightgown up her waist.

Lena balls a fist into a pillow and her body arches as Kara’s mouth makes contact between her legs.

Apparently she’s about to be even more sore, and she doesn’t care one bit as she quickly yanks at the white pants hovering an inch from her face.

——-

It’s the middle of the night. The two lay naked once again, under the sheets, just staring at each other in the blueish hue of two moons.

Lena plays with Kara’s hand in between them, running fingers along hers as if they’re the most incredible things she’s ever seen or touched. Kara just watches her.

“You know what my favorite part of your body is? These.” then Lena bites her lip.

“And maybe your abs.” she finishes with a wiggle of her brows.

Kara barely smiles.

“You know what my favorite part of you is? Your mind.”

Lena’s touched, but also a little disappointed, and makes an offended face. Kara reads it and rolls her eyes.

“Okay, Lena. Your boobs. And your ass.” Kara jokes to placate her, flatly, “I love your boobs and ass.”

Lena grins.

“Can’t believe you made me go superficial.” Kara accuses.

“Are you calling me superficial?!” Lena says with only partially authentic offense.

Kara knows this is not going to end well so she braces and playfully grimaces.

“This may be our first fight!” Lena says shoving Kara.

But Kara just laughs. Loudly, absolutely cracking up with that familiar booming cackle Lena’s always loved. And Lena can’t help but join her in laughter now, but she instinctively covers her mouth a bit while chuckling, as it’s not something she’s really used to doing so freely.

“Don’t.” Kara says, noticing, pulling Lena’s hand down.

“Don’t ever hide that smile.” Kara finishes.

Lena’s smile grows bigger now. And Kara kisses her through her own grin.

They start to roll around, half wrestling and half making out with sloppy, quick kisses traded in between jokes and giggles.

Until there’s a knock on the door -

“Arrgh.” Kara huffs in frustration.

“_It’s the middle of the night_.” Lena sighs in annoyance.

“Yeah, must be some festival crisis.” Kara jokes before pushing up and off of Lena -

“Wait.” Lena says, grabbing her.

She kisses her. Hard. Sitting up onto the bed, the sheets falling off of her so she sits nude on her knees with Kara’s face in hand as she stands by the bed.

Kara’s eyes drift down across Lena’s body. She swallows.

“You trying to make me ignore it?”

“Maybe.” Lena says breathlessly.

Kara gets heated and she's about to pounce -

The knock comes again, only harder.

Kara sighs and rolls her eyes, moment ruined.

“Let me get this.” she says, before assuring, “To be continued.”

Kara grabs a robe and pulls it on, hurrying across the bedroom, then into the living area.

When she opens the door, she finds one of Thara’s security officers waiting.

“Sorry to bother you, ma’am. But we’ve received a message from your people on Earth, through the cache crystals.”

He hands her a tablet. Kara looks down at the translated message which reads simply: “We need you back. Sorry. Wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.” and she knows it’s from Alex. Because only Alex would’ve apologized like that, understanding the reasons Kara was on Argo in the first place.

Kara takes a breath.

“Thank you.” she tells the officer, “Wake my mother, please? Tell her what’s happening and that I’ll meet her at my ship in an hour?”

He nods and exits.

Kara closes the door behind him and stares at it. She sinks. She hates that the trip has been cut short. She hates that what she has with Lena is about to shift dramatically now that they have to go home.

“It’s alright.” Lena’s voice comes out of nowhere.

Kara turns to find her standing in the bedroom doorway in her nightgown once again.

“As long as we’re together. That’s all that matters.” Lena finishes.

Kara walks over.

“I just love being here with you.”

“And I’ll love being at home with you. Besides, L-Corp is probably hemorrhaging without me there to manage things.”

“I have no doubt.” Kara chuckles, pulling Lena in closer.

She then rests her forehead on Lena’s and closes her eyes, wrapping her arms around Lena’s waist and relaxing. She breathes her in and Lena does the same, enjoying the moment with the moons to their side, illuminating them as bonded silhouettes.

Lena’s putting on a good front for Kara, but she knows there’s a deep dread in the pit of her own stomach, because once back, Kara returns to being Supergirl. Back to battling aliens and monsters and biased humans and risking her life for others and being hurt and hated by anyone wishing to do evil. Like the one who took her from Lena before she was able to bring her back. And the thought scares her. 

Kara must sense it because her grip on Lena’s waist tightens gently, thumb stroking the silk of her nightgown.

“You don’t have to worry.” Kara barely whispers.

Lena just shakes her head, parting their heads to run fingers along the sides of Kara’s face, tracing the lines of her outer brow and jaw as if memorizing everything about her and how she looks while she’s content and soft and perfect, without the weight of the world on her. Without injury or stress or suffering.

“I’ll always worry.” Lena says finally.

“And I’ll always come back.” Kara says, a throwback to other previous conversation.

“Like you promised.” Lena says.

“Like I promised.” Kara repeats.

And then she kisses Lena again to seal it in.

——-

The goodbyes happened far too quickly for Kara’s liking. She’d had to hug her mom for too short of a time while an officer loaded their things onto J’onn’s ship. Alura made her promise to be careful and she’d promised she would. Then Lena had thanked Alura… for everything. And Alura had hugged her with nearly as much of a squeeze as she’d hugged Kara, and Lena couldn’t help but find it comforting. A mother’s tender, physical demonstration of love was the last thing she’d ever known, and she’d found it now with Kara’s mom, and she appreciated it so much.

And then after she’d parted from Alura, Kara had taken Lena’s hand and together they’d boarded the ship.

And now they sit, staring at the stars as they cross the galaxy.

Until Lena looks over at Kara.

And Kara catches her looking.

“What?” she asks.

Lena reaches in front of Kara and pushes a few buttons, familiar with the controls from her own journey before.

“Auto pilot?” Kara asks next, curiously.

And the answer comes in the form of Lena pushing out of her own chair and swinging a leg across to straddle Kara.

“What are you doing?” Kara asks even though she knows exactly what she’s doing.

“Checking off another…” she says low, nibbling at Kara’s earlobe. Before long, their movements are hurried and the windows of the ship start to fog.

Eventually, as Lena grinds her hips and moans with Kara working her hand below, they can’t help but glance over as Earth finally comes into view. And Lena smiles as they’re accomplishing that fantasy perfectly, the entirety of planet Earth shining bright in the darkness of space beneath them.

And despite their current carnal actions, they both can’t help but smile. And Kara suddenly lets out a half growl as she pushes up and out of the chair with Lena still atop her, reversing their positions so she tops Lena as she takes them both to the small floor space between the chairs with Lena’s legs wrapped around her.

And as the small ship nears the atmosphere, it starts to rock from the force and power of entry - deep, violent vibrations only helping things along for them both.

And their pleasured cries are lost in the void of space.

——


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Hope you've enjoyed this story. If you have, please leave me a comment because it makes it all worth it. And to answer some of the previous questions about continuing - there's a strong chance of this becoming a series with shorter sequels in the future. :) Thanks all!

Kara’s at the wheel of J’onn’s convertible as she and Lena make their way closer to his garage. The wind blows in their hair and there’s a wonderful sense of peace on both their faces. Kara glances over to see \- 

Lena tapping on her phone, thankful to have service again.

“Work?” she asks.

“No, I’m setting an appointment for the lead to be removed from my walls.”

Kara frowns, half-feigning ignorance.

“Oh, you had lead in your walls?”

“Like you didn’t try.” Lena accuses playfully.

“I mean - only to check on you, never to - you know, be a creeper.”

“Mhm.” Lena smirks.“Well, you can feel free to _check_ _on me_ any time, day or night.”

Shared smiles, as Lena finishes the text and then slips her hand into Kara’s spare one, snuggling up against her.

Being here now, back on Earth, with Lena next to her during such a mundane task as driving down a crappy street in Metropolis, something washes over Kara as she squints into the sun.

“You’re it for me, Lena." she says, an urgent push to her voice as if it's the most important statement she's ever made. "I hope you know that.” 

Kara then turns and looks at her deeply, not needing to watch the road since her powers are back and she can sense everything she needs to stay on course. “I love you.” she finishes, softly. As if there was even any doubt - “I’m _in_ love with you. Now and always.”

Lena’s eyes well up. She kisses Kara, as Kara’s hand somehow still instinctively guides the wheel to remain in its lane.

Finally, Lena says with just as much affection - “I love _you_. _Always_.”

Kara grins, lightly. And she’s officially the happiest woman on Earth, rivaled only by the woman next to her.

Lena scoots down and rests her head on Kara’s shoulder and there they sit as Kara turns onto that familiar street.

——-

Kara actually leaps from the car once they’re parked in the garage, jumping the door and rushing in a literal blur to Lena’s side to open it for her.

“_So chivalrous_.” Lena playfully jests as Kara pushes the door closed.

The entire car rocks and scoots a couple inches. Kara's hands shoot up in alarm. _Oops_. 

“Oh! Sorry, I - guess it’s gonna take me a sec to readjust.” Kara stifles a smile with her hand over her mouth at the accidental overuse of strength.

“I’m just glad that wasn’t me.” Lena jokes.

Kara nods in humored agreement._ That makes two of them._

——-

When they arrive at the DEO, Alex hugs Kara tightly, rocking them together slightly.

“_So_ glad you’re back.”

“It’s been a weekend...” Kara says over Alex’s shoulder, face squished from Alex’s embrace.

“Feels longer.” Alex sighs tiredly. She then pulls back and gives a toothless smile to Lena, before pushing past her ego and going ahead and giving her a hug too. Lena allows it, and in that moment any past problems they might’ve had disappear, since Lena knows all Alex really ever cared about was protecting Kara, which she understands more than ever. And it’s something they’ll always have in common now.

“So what’s going?” Kara asks as Alex and Lena part, until she catches sight of Lois in the doorway of the med bay upstairs.

“What’s Lois doing here?” Kara’s concern grows, thinking something happened to Clark until -

“It’s Jonathan.” Alex says. 

Kara and Lena’s faces both drop.

As they hurry up the stairs, Alex quickly explains it all. How Jonathan, being the first of his kind - that they know of - as a human-Kryptonian hybrid, showed signed of distress when they first got back. And they soon realized that upon entering Earth’s atmosphere, he’d developed an unusual virus they’d never seen before. 

Kara starts to panic as Alex explains, until Lena takes her hand and gives it a comforting squeeze.

Brainy, passing by with his face in his own computer screen, pauses when he catches sight of them holding hands as they head upstairs. He can’t help allow the corners of his mouth to curl slightly at the sight and nod, knowing all is right with the world. And the proper future remains intact.

As they approach the med bay, Alex assures Kara that the baby will be okay. Kara doesn’t really believe it until they turn the corner and she sees little Jonathan looking healthy and cooing next to Clark who sits on the bed next to him, engaging with gentility and love and that perfect pearly smile of his.

Lois stands next to them, rubbing Clark's back lovingly. 

The trio remains at the window, watching the sweet family picture.

“We gave him a transfusion of Clark’s blood, kept him isolated for 24 hours and, well…” she nods to the pleasant sight in relief.

Kara finally relaxes, her shoulders dropping. And Lena gives her hand a gentle stroke of mutual relief.

“But, he’s refused to leave his side.” Alex finishes.

“I don’t blame him.” Kara says.

“Me neither.” Alex agrees, a slight pang in her own heart at the touching moment. She pushes past it.

“Unfortunately, that’s proven… problematic. For obvious reasons, considering the Amazon is on fire, civil war has broken out in South America with the government of Venezuela ordering their officers to execute innocent civilians in Caracas, _and_ there’s the little problem of _these guys_.” she shows her a tablet.

Lena’s head tilts and Kara makes a grossed out face at the image of some large, bizarre alien-mole-looking insect.

“We’re not sure where they came from, but they’ve been popping up outta manhole covers quicker than we can catch ‘em.”

Kara looks over at Lena, and they both know she’s going to be busy for awhile. _Yep, they’re definitely home._

Kara takes a breath, and with a determined nod, she adopts that familiar face of resolution and slightly lowered voice-

“I’ll go blow out the Amazonian fire, smack some Venezuelan military, and spend tonight playing whack a mole.” she says, handing the tablet back to Alex who nods in relief, so thankful once again to have her sister back. 

Kara glances briefly to Lena and gives her hand a gentle shake. Lena returns it with a final squeeze.

Then WHOOSH - Kara blasts off, suddenly in her suit, red cape billowing behind.

At the display of power and resolve and heroism, Lena can’t help but swell with pride. And a little lust.

Alex notices.

“Please don’t look at my sister like that.” she says with discomfort, barely above a whisper, before turning and walking away.

Behind her - Lena tries her best to hold back a smile at Alex. And she fails.

Alex had been able to tell by their intimate body language something had changed, deeply. She assumed they'd figured things out. And she was happy for Kara, truly. And Lena too. But the _last_ thing in the world she wanted to do was watch Lena stare after Kara like she already knew what was under that suit. She shudders at the thought and doesn't look back, snapping her fingers at Brainy and reaching for his tablet, seeking further distraction.

Back at the med bay, Lois suddenly appears beside Lena, standing in the doorway and continuing to watch Clark and little Jonathan.

“Is there anything I can do?” Lena asks.

Lois shakes her head, “He’s good now. We’re good. _Thank Rao_.”

Lois glances over at Lena, _really_ looking at her now. And for the first time in two days, Lois can lighten a little, “WOW.” she says, staring.

Lois looks at her oddly, “What?”

“You’re practically glowing.” Lois accuses with a knowing glint in her eyes.

Lena blushes a bit and chuckles, “I mean…” her head tilts.

And Lois _fully_ understands. She's been there. Heck, she still is. That's why they have little Jonathan. 

“It suits you. Both of you.” Lois assures.

Lena smiles again.

——-

It’s almost the middle of the night by the time Kara finishes covering everything, and she flies immediately to Lena’s, landing in the open window of her bedroom, feet touching down lightly even though Lena’s still awake.

Lena sits on the bed, a thick novel in her hand and it reminds Kara of the similar sight on Argo. Except now she’s wearing a loose, comfortable long-sleeved top and underwear, gorgeous legs bare and bent atop the comforter.

She looks up and smiles at Kara, relieved to see her.

Kara doesn’t even bother to ask why she’s awake. She knows she waited up, and she’ll have to work on Lena getting used to her being out late. She’ll try to convince her to not lose sleep waiting on her to return. And she knows Lena may never cooperate. But for now, she’s happy to see Lena waiting for her. Like _that_.

The moment her feet touch the ground, Kara walks right up to the bed, and tosses the book out of Lena’s hands, onto the bed, leaning down and bringing her lips to Lena’s. Lena sits up onto her knees and continues kissing her. She grins into the kiss, tracing a finger down to the crest on her chest, before asking -

“Are we checking off the suit thing already?”

“Not while I’m covered in alien mole guts.” Kara jokes. “I just missed doing that today.” she says of their kisses. 

Lena looks at her like aw, and ew, as she recoils her hand, humorously avoiding touching Kara further after the alien comment, as Kara steps back with a chuckle, “Let me get cleaned up.”

Lena nods with a bite of her lip, missing the feel of Kara’s lips on hers already. And she waits.

And when Kara very quickly returns from the shower, fully nude and towel drying her hair -

Lena’s left swallowing hard at the sight, still not used to it. And she probably never will be. _Afterall, who could get used to walking perfection..._

Kara catches her staring, “I forgot to bring clothes over.”

“You can borrow mine.” Lena offers, “After."

And with that she quickly crawls forward again and lunges at kara, throwing arms around her neck - practically smacking against her skin, and wow - she’d forgotten just how steely her body is at full power.

“Careful.” Kara warns with a grin.

Kara kisses her and gently lays Lena back, and the first test of Kara’s ability to hold back is on.

——-

An hour later, Lena stares at the ceiling in a total daze. Kara is on her side next to her, watching with a smile and zero sweat or sign of exertion whatsoever, unlike Lena who can barely form words or get air to her lungs, her body flushed head to toe.

“Wow…” Lena pants, breathless. “The… the-“

“Superspeed?” Kara finishes for her.

“And th-the-“ she tries again.

“Freeze breath?” Kara can’t help but chuckle. “I know, right?”

Lena just nods, bringing a hand to her forehead as she tries to compose herself, taking deliberate, deeper breaths now.

Finally, after a couple minutes, Lena looks over at Kara -

“What about you?” she says tracing the back of her hand at Kara’s bare chest.

“I’m okay.” Kara says, shaking her head and taking Lena's hand in hers, interlacing their fingers.

“Kara-“ Lena warns, pushing up a little more to face her.

“Lena. It’s okay. Really.” she says, selflessly.

“I’m not.” Lena protests with a resolution Kara knows not to question, “Not until I’ve done my part. Lay back.”

Kara swallows nervously, but obeys with a nod.

“Just try not to break my face.” Lena jokes.

And Kara does her best. And it goes surprisingly well, with Lena following Lois’s advice and not teasing Kara hardly all, avoiding any real foreplay or taunts of her tongue or fingers and instead just getting right to it and giving Kara exactly what she needs -

And it works. Fast. And somewhat painfully, when Kara’s inner walls clamp down in pulsing post-climax spasms on Lena’s fingers, but she somehow doesn’t break any bones. Everything went almost perfectly, both satiated, until in her swell of immediate afterglow, Kara kisses Lena hard, and a slight nip intended to be a nibble cuts Lena’s lip.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry!” Kara stutters.

“It’s fine.” Lena says, touching her lip to find a spot of carmine. And at Kara’s mortified face, she assures, “Kara, it’s fine. It’s just a little blood.”

Kara still looks furious at herself as Lena gets up and heads for the bathroom to take care of it.

Kara huffs back against the pillows, until she notices the novel she’d previously tossed aside. And she allows herself the distraction so she doesn’t overthink things and work herself up into deciding to never touch Lena again, since that’s not what either of them would want. Ever.

“What’s this?” Kara hollers, picking it up.

“The book?” Lena says from the bathroom.

“The Bronze Horesman. It’s one my favorites, you should read it some time.” Lena tells her as she dabs her lip with a cool washcloth. Spits lightly. Dabs again.

“Okay…” she hears Kara say.

Kara opens the book. Flips through in a flash.

When Lena’s lip has stopped bleeding, she flips off the light and returns to find Kara with an excited look on her face.

“That was - amazing! I mean the - the devotion, and passion, and sacrifice…” Kara’s mind is obviously blown.

“Kara. Did you - _did you just read that entire novel in the thirty seconds I was in the bathroom_?”

Kara looks like a deer in the headlights. “No…” she creaks out, trying not to smile.

“_Kara_.”

“Yes.” she yields, “It was important to you! So - I read it. And now we can talk about it.”

And she gives Lena puppy dog eyes.

And Lena can’t help but shake her head and snatch the book back. She’s realizing now more than ever that life with a Kryptonian, with Kara in particular, is certainly going to be... _interesting_. And she honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

“Novels like this should be cherished, Kara. Savored.” she softly chastises, before pausing -

“Though that - _is_ an impressive skill." she finally says, dropping back onto the bed next to Kara.

“Oh yeah?” Kara beams, proudly. “How bout I cherish and savor you?” she says pulling Lena closer.

“As incredibly lame as that line was… I’m not about refuse.” Lena grins and kisses Kara.

——-

The next morning, as Lena waits in the kitchen, Kara emerges in one of Lena’s power suits that she’d purchased online but had been a bit too long in the arms and legs and she'd neglected to send back.

“How do I look?” Kara asks.

Lena turns to see that on Kara - it’s _perfect_, hugging her curves and somehow finding the perfect balance of masculine and feminine. 

And Kara in a suit might be Lena’s new favorite sight. At least while clothed, anyway.

Lena has no words, her eyes tracing up and down and suddenly wishing they had more time before work -

“LENAAA!” Kara practically squeals when she suddenly spots the huge pile of danishes and pastries and bagels and fruit on Lena’s counter, which she’d scheduled the evening before to have delivered first thing from Noonan’s. And the look on Kara’s face made the small but sweet gesture _so_ worth it.

“Oh my gosh!!” she blurts with the wide eyes of a kid on Christmas morning and Lena’s lust is suddenly replaced with humor and affection, watching Kara practically stuff an entire blueberry scone in her mouth, creating a massive lump in her cheek that’s absolutely adorable as her shoulders drop in a sigh and her eyes close as if sinking into a foodgasm.

Lena shakes her head as she watches, sipping her coffee with a smile. She’s certainly going to enjoy spoiling Kara from now on in the only way she knows Kara would ever let her: with food.

——-

Kara strolls into CatCo an hour later, chin up and trying to stay focused as her heels click through the hallway.

It had been hard saying goodbye to Lena that morning. There was a comfort in the display of simple domesticity they’d shared before work. There had been way too many more kisses than they’d intended, unable to pry themselves away from each other. Kara had sunk into them as if they could be their last. Because given their crazy lives and what she carried as Earth’s hero, she never knew if it would be. And so she’d made a mental note before leaving that morning, to always kiss Lena _just_ like that. No matter how busy they got or what was going on. No matter their moods or the circumstance. She vowed to never go a day for the rest of her life without it. A day that didn’t start, and hopefully finish, on Lena’s lips.

“Welcome back!” Nia’s excited voice cuts through the bustle and she quickly rushes over from her desk to give Kara a hug.

“You look _rested_!” Nia says, eyeing her, impressed.

“Uh - yah.” Kara grins and nods and carries on to her desk hoping for no more questions. Sure, her friends knew they were together now thank to Alex telling them where they'd gone, but she didn’t want any sordid details slipping out at work and everyone to know she was sleeping with, what was effectively, her boss.

As Kara takes a seat at her desk, she finds the very thought of that rather funny and can’t help but smile and shake her head.

Kara then turns on her computer, and finally gets to work.

——-

J’onn intensely waxes the bumper of his car, making sure it’s all polished up after its intergalactic trip. Seems Kara took good care of it, he notes, impressed. He tosses the rag aside and grabs a fresh soft towel, popping the door open. He wipes down the dash. Then the steering wheel. Then the center console - then stops.  
  
J’onn tilts his head curiously when he spots the hint of black strap poking out from beside the passenger seat.

“What is this…” he grunts lightly, reaching down and giving it a yank from its trapped place between the chair and the console. And then his expression falls flat, as -

A bra dangles from his fingers, slightly torn lace staring him in the face. And then - a brief flash in his mind. A _memory_. Of Lena, in the bra. And a hand that’s not Lena’s tearing at it so it can immediately grip what’s underneath. A grunt. A moan. Then semi-nude bodies writhing -_including one he views as a daughter_.

J’onn drops the bra, recoiling in horror.

——-

As Kara continues to type away at her desk, she has to admit she enjoys the familiarity of being back, especially now that she no longer has to spend most of her time trying to force herself to focus on the tasks at hand while thinking only of Lena and their problems. 

As if on cue - she receives a text from Lena.

It says she’s working on something that could help them, followed by a wink emoji.

Kara’s body flushes at the thought of a power dampener in their bedroom. Okay… so maybe she’d still be spending most of her time trying to force herself to focus on the tasks at hand while thinking of Lena, but in a different way. A much, much _better_ way.

“KARAAA!” a voice suddenly booms, startling her from her daydream. It’s J’onn’s. But it’s far off. She turns her head, honing in - can tell it came from his garage across town, but by the tone it’s clear it’s not fearful or in danger, rather - it’s ANGRY.

_What on Earth…_

Before she can wonder further, he’s already there, having zoomed across town in a flash, and he now stomps right through CatCo, approaching Kara’s desk, gritting and huffing. And then everyone finally sees what's in his hand - 

A black lacy bra, only it's hilariously pinched between a set of pliers, his way of avoiding any more direct contact and thus any more flashes, like the ones he wishes he could bleach from his brain.

“REALLY? IN _MY_ SHIP?!” he practically growls.

Kara’s mouth drops.

Nia stares, eyes turning to saucers as she realizes - and her mouth drops also and she fights a gasping grin as Kara rips the bra away from J’onn and stuffs it quickly and awkwardly into her desk drawer, before grabbing a pen and pretending to focus on her work, as she feels everyone’s stare and Nia just shakes her head, still in disbelief.

“Don’t you have an article to be writing, Ms. Nal?” Kara barks without looking over.

“Sorry.” Nia chirps quickly, face dropping to force focus and stay out of trouble.

Kara rolls her eyes up to J’onn’s face, or as close to his face as she can, because she can’t seem to make eye contact now. And possibly ever again.

“This will _never_ happen again!” he warns, pointing a finger at her.

“I’m so sorry, J’onn.” she says barely above a whisper.

He spins on his heels and stomps away, hollering one last time without looking back, “_NEVER_ AGAIN!”

Various CatCo employees look at him oddly and Nia has to hide behind a folder so no one sees her doubled over, laughing her ass off.

Once gone and everyone has returned to work, Kara clears her throat and composes. And she suddenly can’t help but stifle her own smile.

She immediately snatches her phone back up. Dials.

Lena picks up, just as busy in her own office.

“So, I have have something that belongs to you.” Kara starts.

Lena’s brow shoots up.

“Does it involve a harness?” she jokes seductively.

“In... a manner of speaking…” Kara laughs.

And on the other end of the line Lena squints curiously through her own tentative smile, as Kara briefly opens the drawer long enough to snap a quick pic. Shuts it back. Sends. Clears her throat.

Lena gets the message, sees, realizing as Kara explains -

“J’onn is _pissed_.”

And they both can’t help but laugh now, until Kara’s smile finally fades, but only a little.

“I’ll see you after work?” she asks, though she already knows the answer.

“_Absolutely_.” Lena says, so low and breathy it makes Kara start counting the hours, a wait only made worse when Lena finishes -

“We can find new places to leave my undergarments.”

They both grin, and Kara loves the sound of Lena’s voice so happy like this, and the normalcy of it all.

“Always?” Kara says suddenly, avoiding being too gushy in front of prying ears, knowing Lena will understand the meaning.

“Always.” Lena replies back.

Kara hangs up and sighs, content, as she returns to work, breathing in a deep breath as the bright sunlight absorbs into her skin, making her feel even better than she already does, if at all possible.

In her own office, Lena puts the phone down, just as her assistant enters with a perky smile.

“Welcome back, Ms. Luthor! Here are those documents you asked for.” she says, placing them on her desk. 

“Thank you.” Lena says politely, before even knowing what it is since she’s always asking for some file or another.

Once her assistant is gone, Lena finally opens the folder. Inside -

A sales deck for CatCo Media and a list of available rentals in Metropolis.

The slightest curl comes to Lena’s lips - 

And she drops it in the trash.

END.


End file.
